Why Russian women don’t want to marry their own countrymen was always a mystery for our clients.

Ask someone in your country, “Why do you think Russian women want to marry Americans (Europeans, Australians, etc.)?” The answer will be, most likely, “To immigrate”. But it will be wrong.

Most often the women who start looking abroad for a match are simply disappointed in local men and think that western men are better (we had a research on it). Hard drinking is the most frequently quoted vice of Russian men, but there are also other things many women prefer not to spell out, even though these traits really bother them.

So, which traits ladies from Russia find more attractive in western males? Read on to find out.

A single Russian woman’s opinion: 5 reasons why western men are better

Recently I came across a candid answer to this question, which, of all the places, was published by Playboy. Arina Kholina explains the reasons why ladies in Russia are unhappy about local guys.

In her opinion, women in Russia are extremely unhappy about men, but guys couldn’t care less, because many girls want to get married so badly, they are happy to accept any candidate, even the most “unremarkable” one.

Is it true that all Russian girls want to get married?

If you think it’s an overstatement that “all Russian girls want to get married”, watch this video in which a young woman chained herself to a jewellery store to make her boyfriend to propose.

Apparently, it was a set up to create a viral promotion for the store, but the very fact that the marketing specialists decided to run with this idea shows it sounds plausible in Russia. Girls are desperate to get a ring, because they are trained since childhood this how she is going to become happy — once she is married with kids.

So, while I agree that not all Russian women dream to get married, the cultural standards dictate that they all are supposed to “dream to get married”. That’s an appropriate moral standing for a single young woman in Russia, to look for a future husband as her main focus in life. It doesn’t sound modern, but Russia is strongly moving towards more conservative values for the last 2 decades, as surveys show.

Hard drinking is one vice of Russian men that local women often mention, but there are also other things that ladies are unhappy about, which they seldom spell out.

“Archaic” values

In her story Arina points out that these “marriage-minded” girls are also not a gift from heaven for a guy, because they don’t enjoy intimacy and if a man after a 1-month relationship doesn’t start talking about a wedding, he will be getting even less affection and more scandals.

According to Kholina, there are a lot of women in Russia who are outgoing, affectionate and independent who simply don’t want to be with “regular” Russian men. The reason is in the cultural values, which Arina describes as “archaic”.

In fact, I often get complains from Russian men (usually the ones who live abroad) in comments to the article “My Russian boyfriend“. They argue that the article doesn’t depict Russian men correctly and there are only some guys like this (the ones who are aggressive and inconsiderate to their girlfriends and wives, have a tendency to violence and abuse alcohol), but in general males in Russia are nice and loving.

I cannot argue with such complaints because I don’t live in Russia for already 20 years. This is why the opinion of a young female journalist from Moscow who is reporting on this topic in 2018 is of a special interest.

Here is what Arina dislikes in her countrymen.

For instance, one of such “archaic” cultural values: In Russia mothers are supposed to be looking after kids, it’s their duty. Fathers spend little time with kids. In western countries, fathers are encouraged to spend more time with children, including a compulsory vacation for the husband to look after a newborn child in countries like Norway.

1. Appearance

“Let’s accept the truth — a Russian man isn’t well groomed,” Arina states. Stylish gentlemen do exist in Russia but they are a rare find, according to her.

“On average, a man 28+ is already somewhat overflowing, he’s got a protruding tummy, he doesn’t pay attention to his clothes, and he is dishevelled.

“Men obviously earn not bad — they have decent suits, good shoes, but gosh, I don’t understand — are they 30 or 50? They are all some averagely mature uncles and all of them, all-all-all, dumn it, have this outlined tummy!”

Arina compares these men with the ones she sees when visiting Vienna, for instance. Handsome guys with nice hairstyles, bright-coloured shirts and scarves. They are athletic and fit, whether they are 25 or 55, and they have (this is important) nice hands. Why is this important? Because he will be touching the lady with these hands.

Arina cannot believe how many handsome men are in Geneva. She thinks it is not only good genes but also because these guys exercise, love to dress well and enjoy life in general.

The Moscow lady’s opinion is confirmed by statistics: males in Russia die 11 years earlier than females. The average life expectancy of a male is only 64.7 years, according to WorldLifeExpectancy.com, which uses data by the World Health Organization. Life expectancy for Russian females is 76.3 years.

• The main reasons for male’s short life expectancy in Russia are the ones already mentioned: heavy drinking, poor diet, lack of physical exercise, and in general disregard to their health. This is why females outnumber males in Russia and Ukraine.
• In cities this deficit of males starts already in the age category 25-30 years old. In other words, from the age of 25 and over Russian women already struggle to find a mate. If we consider the fact that women prefer the husband to be slightly older, then there is never enough males for all the marriage-minded females: They don’t want to marry young boys, and from the age 25+ there are already fewer males than females. That’s why by the age 28, as Arina describes, guys no longer feel the need to look good, as they are anyway in demand. It all makes sense.

Men in Vienna, Austria, and Moscow, Russia, look very different, according to the Russian journalist.

2. Manners

What else the Moscow journalist dislikes in local guys?

“The wonderful Russian men with tummies differ from the same Swiss by the fact that they luck sophistication. A guy in Geneva drinking coffee or champagne in a cafe — he has a straight posture, he holds the glass beautifully, eats gracefully, holds himself as an aristocrat.”

Compared to that, Russian guys miss the mark, you are lucky if they don’t put the face in the plate (although it happens often enough), she continues.

(“Put a face in the plate” is an euphemism for “got drunk off his face” in Russian.)

In Arina’s view, if to compare Russian girls and guys, the females are not always 100% graceful as well, but they never display such a debauchery.

When a woman sees such a behaviour, she is disgusted. She also thinks that there won’t be joy in life with a guy like this, because he seems to always be in a hurry. Even in the bedroom, he is probably just as much in a hurry and it’s won’t give her much pleasure.

“Manners maketh the man,” she mentions the famous English expression. The manners of Russian males are the ones of a peasant, concluded Arina.

And even if a woman decides to look pass this, she still has noticed.

Table manners are important for Russian women.

3. Communication

In Arina’s view, most local guys are absolutely convinced that their “manly” opinion is what a woman is seeking when coming to a date. Moreover, the girl is happy to listen to anything he says, including sexist jokes.

Obviously, this is not something the Moscow journalist enjoys, personally (not that any woman would).

Intolerant opinions expressed by men as an absolute and undisputable truth without any regard to a woman’s point make her silently outraged, considering her options for a quick escape.

This is characteristic for Russian men, Arina insists, because guys are confident that their special opinions count and the woman is only too happy to hear it.

“Don’t be surprised why you didn’t get sex today,” Arina concludes, that’s because you pushed the woman away with your opinions.

4. Seduction

“Russian men have been brought up to be insensitive,” Kholina insists.

Insensitivity is seen as the “right” quality of a “real man”. This is why probably the seduction process is limited to a direct question, “Will you go to bed with me?” Alternatively, the guy drinks excessively and then go on an attack.

Arina says there are two types of men in Russia:

• Overly tight
• Overly liberated (a pick up artist)

Both types are unattractive. In both cases the guy is anxious, which doesn’t put the girl at ease. But the worst is that the man doesn’t show his admiration.

“And if you do not admire me — what are you doing here?”

Russian girls expect to be seduced rather than simply get an offer to proceed to bed.

5. Sex

In Arina’s precise words, “Many men have prehistorical views about sex.” Which means is to get the girl to bed, kiss something, put it in, take it out, thank her. Or fall asleep. Many guys, she insists, are convinced that sex is about a quick intercourse and then his happy “baby-like” sleep in the girl’s house, even if she didn’t invite him to stay over.

Although Russian men are “not hopeless” in sex, she points out. It’s just that the Russian guys “lack general culture” as if they never learned anything about it. Sex is a theory as much as practice, she believes, but the guys are probably convinced it’s all about the practice. They don’t even suspect that they do everything “not right”, which is, as Arina points out, is also the women’s fault, because they are too scared to tell men what they like and dislike.

This is why she prefers western men. Westerners are more affectionate and attentive, for them oral sex is not a challenge like for Russian guys but a norm.

If a guy is making love but at the same time he has all the beliefs like “Boys don’t cry”, so he is insensitive, then is going to be a bad lover. Western guys are more sensitive and they are better lovers.

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Read also:

• Why Russian women dislike Russian men
• What Russian girls dislike about you
• 5 signs that a Russian woman is interested in you
• 58 Russian superstitions about love and life