Because there are large numbers of Russian and Ukrainian women seeking partners abroad, some observers assume that Slavic ladies dislike local men.
It’s not entirely true. Eastern European women exploring options of dating internationally are fond of Slavic men, they simply cannot find the one who fits their portrait of a good partner and at the same time likes them back.
Even western women find Russian men charming and feel they have a lot to offer, which they would love to find in their partners locally. (We are never happy with what we are getting, are we?)
My Russian Boyfriend
Diana Bruk is a young American woman who was born in Russia and moved to the Big Apple at the age of 5 with her family. She grew up in the States but due to her heritage speaks fluent Russian.
Her confession about dating Russian men is a must read for anyone wondering about courtship customs and rituals in the countries of the post-USSR.
“I love (and hate) dating Russian men“, states Diana, and then goes on to explain why. “The macho guys from my home country leave me torn between my feminist beliefs and my sexual desires.”
“I love (and hate) dating Russian men”, says a young female writer from America.
Her story begins with the description of a fight for “her honour” by a Russian boyfriend, because in the midst of a drunken party, another guy tried to touch her.
In Russia, it is expected from a male to physically defend his lady, or be considered a coward. After the fight, covered in blood (!), the boyfriend approached his shaking American dame demanding explanations as to what she did that a strange guy felt comfortable enough to grab her, and why did she talk to another chap without his outright permission.
Both drinking and violence are the core reasons why there are 106 boys to 100 girls at birth in Russia, and only 86 males to 100 females in the total population.
“If he hits you, that means he loves you,” quotes Diana her mother’s saying, the old-fashioned Slavic belief, which is the reason why domestic violence in Russia is still widely underreported — as well as most other forms of physical assault, making it a “norm” rather than a crime.
Calling her relationship with Russian men “convoluted”, the daring New-Yorker goes on describing the peculiarities of the local dating etiquette.
Dating Russian Men
The liberal arts graduate decided to explore her homeland by living there, and temporarily moved to Russia in 2010. To provide for herself, she was teaching English in St. Petersburg.
“The first thing that you’ll notice when you get to Russia is that the women are astoundingly beautiful and immaculately presented”, she says.
I would add, especially in capitals such as Moscow or Piter (the affectionate nickname of Saint Petersburg). Just like in western capitals, people tend to dress up more.
For Russian girls working out to achieve the perfect body is a way to attract and keep a boyfriend or husband.
“If you tell them [St. Petersburg’s ladies] you pluck your own eyebrows and only get a facial once a month, [they] will look at you as though you have just clawed your way out of a swamp,” confesses Bruk.
I can attest to that. Beauty is huge in Russia. I would say, Slavic girls believe that for a female beauty is everything. And the main reason why it is important is to attract and keep a boyfriend or a husband.
“Women in Russia are hardly ever seen without high heels or makeup and are always proud of their sensuality and appearance,” writes Tammy Dray in her article for Match.com.
(Today young girls are wearing flats more often and style “casual” incorporating torn jeans and Converse sneakers is becoming a new fashion fad, so you may not see Russian ladies in compulsory high heels for much longer.)
“These insurmountable standards of beauty can largely be credited to the fact that there are more women than men,” admits Bruk.
“Russian men are patriarchal alpha males,” insists she, declaring openly that at first it is a huge turn-on.
The social responsibility of males to provide for their females is not only materialistic in the former Soviet Union, states she, but more alike paternal duty, where a woman is looked after by someone responsible for her, because it’s his moral obligation and delight.
Bruk also expresses her surprise at “disintegration of male hygiene and work ethics”, citing the poor gender ratios as the reason. From the same book, rape is something that “happens”, and is accepted as a fact of life, not a social problem, she recounts.
Why? The roots are in the hunter-prey dating model, prescribing to males to push to the limit.
The Hunter-Prey Dating Model
“You do not meet a Russian man, you are chosen by one,” proclaims Bruk.
I have been trying to bring this idea home for years, but she expressed it so much better. Post-USSR women are brought up to be passive, display themselves, and let men approach, otherwise you are not “modest”, which is what all guys want in their girlfriends (according to the local beliefs).
In Diana’s words, if a Russian guy likes you, nothing can stop him. You would think it is stalking, they think it’s being persistent.
“Russian men act like your boyfriend from the very beginning,” she writes.
This is her exact wording:
Girls, apparently, are used to relentless pursuits, and unless they feel you are putting “all in”, they are not convinced that you are really interested.
Russians believe in the hunter-prey dating model, where a male pursues the female.
You can see how it works on our site, if you feel that none of you is convinced about the other’s attraction: You because she doesn’t display any encouragement validating your interest, and she because you are not completely overwhelming her with the might of your desire to concur.
According to the hunter-prey dating model that is accepted as a statute in Russia, the lady has to resist advances for as long as she can (usually not for long, due to the overpowering siege by the male).
“Russian men are quintessential gentlemen on first dates,” writes Bruk. ” They bring flowers and little gifts… They open the door for you and pull out your chair.” And they always pay for the dates. There is no splitting the check.
Even true-to-the-core feminists apparently can live with men paying for them, if this is a “custom”.
“If a man insists on paying I’ll let him,” states Shannon, another American woman, writing about Russia. However, she doesn’t want to be a toy for her man, and says while she had Slavic male friends, she never had a Russian boyfriend.
Love Making
Love making with Russian men is more passionate, an American girl believes.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman wants a man who’s a gentleman at dinner and an animal in bed. … This the Russian man understands,” writes the New York feminist born in the USSR.
Maybe brutal love making and total disregard to his partner’s feelings (and satisfaction) is attractive to someone who is used to gentle care, but I would stick to my opinion that the majority of Russian men are not as skilled in the bedroom department as their western counterparts, who took time to learn a thing or two about female pleasure.
The downside of the powerful male taking what he wants? Bruk admits that Russian men still follow the egotistical mentality that “sex is a favor that women do for men”, which means that if a girl enjoys sex, she is looked at as a nymphomaniac.
Russian men expect oral sex but will not return the favor, the New York author corroborates.
Commitment
Diana believes that Russian men have an “inherent sense of commitment”, which means, having sex and just be friends is not something an indigenous alpha-male would approve upon.
Russian men are quick to commit to a relationship.
One thing that makes it crystal clear is the language.
“Russian doesn’t have a word for girlfriend, only wife and bride, so men approximate by saying “my girl,” “my bride,” or the English transliteration of girlfriend,” writes she.
This explains the surprising to the westerners desire of Slavic women to find a “husband” and not just date. There is no word for “dating” in Russian either. There is a word for introductions, and after that it is a relationship.
The answer to Diana’s question posed to her local students as to how long a couple should date until deciding to move in together was, “If he likes her, 1 day”.
“It’s obviously a case of emotional intensity,” concludes the American writer — the point I have been endorsing since the early 2000’s. It’s not the time. It’s now intense your relationship is that convinces the woman that she is safe to entrust you her heart and her Destiny.
Cheating as a Rule
Cheating is considered a normal thing by Russian men.
Yes, for Russian men cheating on their girlfriends is not just normal, it’s expected and a matter of honour. A man who never cheated on his second half is looked at with disdain, including his one-and-only (is he not man enough?).
Having a “wandering penis” (what an epithet) wasn’t something that a young feminist from New York could manage, although this isn’t the main reason she is no longer into dating comrades from her native land.
“Russian society is a lot more forgiving when it comes to men cheating, lying or making decisions without consulting their partners,” agrees Dray.
In Russia, females are taught to take it easy and realize it’s something that will happen in the course of a relationships.
Lying about cheating and covering it up is considered honourable. Telling your wife you cheated is dishonourable, because you would hurt her by doing that.
The same applies to friends and acquaintances: If you tell a spouse that the partner is cheating on him/her, you will become the enemy of the family, as you were obviously trying to destroy their marriage. The fault is on you and not on the cheater, who is simply following his natural needs as a male.
Why I Can’t Handle a Russian Boyfriend
For Diana it was the patriarchal alpha-male, the macho style that she found attractive in the first place that she couldn’t handle in the long run.
For me, love is not ownership.
When the Russian boyfriend took a cup of coffee out of her hands stating she had too much caffeine already, this drew the line for the New-York-born feminist who could look pass the violence, but wouldn’t accept a male getting between her and her coffee.
For Russian girls over the age of 25 it’s the alcohol abuse and sleeping around that drive them to seek options elsewhere, but most of all, their desire to have a family with someone who is stable and faithful, which they believe western men are.
For me, I am simply not feeling safe with Russian men, considering all of the above. Love is not ownership, or being owned. Having a Russian boyfriend may start wonderfully and then turn into a nightmare. Lying (and cheating is lying) destroys the very fabric of a trusting relationship, and without trust there is no peace and security. And this is what a home should be.
But it’s only me. There are American women who married Russian guys and are happy.
Video: A Russian Boyfriend Proposes To His Girlfriend
Here you can see a Russian boyfriend at his finest, proposing to his girlfriend of 1 year. The fresh-faced lovers look so young, they wouldn’t sell them liquor without the proof of age.
“I love you very much. I need only you. Everything I do is only for you. You will have a luxury day today!” says the prospective groom, sending an air kiss into the camera, before going on a spree of flowers, oversized cartoon characters, and driving around in a luxury limousine.
This is the intensity that the adventurous New Yorker was talking about. Russian men can do that, and this is what Slavic ladies often crave in romances with western males.
Read also:
- Russian Dating News — 10 Women Share Their Experiences
- 22 things Russian men will never say to a woman
- 53 reasons why women need men
- Russian Father Finds His 17 y.o. Daughter Asleep With a Naked Boy — What Happened Next
So basically what you’re saying is that when I go to Russia to meet my girl: I should act like a maniac by beating up the first guy that dares to talk to her (unless it’s a big guy; because getting the shit beaten out of me makes me look like a pussy); I should act egoistically by disregarding her desires in bed and only focus on my own pleasure; and I should act like a “wandering penis” by secretly cheating on her so her male friends (those whom I didn’t beat up anyway) will think I’m awesome (and that… Read more »
Henk, There are so many inherent flaws in your construction, I don’t know where to start. 🙂 For starters, for Russian men the status “we are just friends” with a female doesn’t exist. Women are not friends with men: Guys are friends with guys, girls are friends with girls. If a guy and a girl are hanging out together, they are either having sex, or he is trying to get her to bed – no other options. So, your potential Russian girlfriend won’t have any male friends you can beat up, or whose respect you need to earn. Female friends… Read more »
По-моему, Henk имеет великолепное чувство юмора, а вовсе не flaws of construction 🙂
WERRA well said if we knew what your saying. i do think the first 2 words are no money
Ray, try translate.google.com 😉
Согласна с вами ))
Henk was funny. You’re just a drag.
Mack,
And what epithet would you use for what you are doing? A troll? 😉
Elena, yea, you described some traditions of some russian boys, but i would name this “typical”. Guys for whom girl is just living rubber toy are badasses and it is critisiced by society.
I mean you or this girl saw only the persons with “finest” what-is-relashionship-view.
Most men I see in Odessa are chauvinistic pigs. My girlfriend is Ukrainian and she agrees.
Then why do russian girls say they are female friends but sure dont act like friends.In America ,means mean somebody to talk to,get to know,hang out with but now fast foward today the west has influence russian and ukranian culture to think like America where friend is not a friend but something else.I even have proof if dont believe it or think I have no idea what Im talking about.Gladly will show it to russian females that look at me strange,think Im crazy,or dont know what Im talking about.Well I do.Its quite funny and ridiculous at the same time.hehe
Derek, I have no idea what you are talking about.
Basically Im saying dont friends talk to each other,be there for each other?But in america that isnt happening.We have the the sort of friends that are being sexual to each other which involves touching to kissing to sex and still say their friends .Now Im looking at russian women behavior on how they use the word friend and it seems that they are not friends because isnt friend mean talking,being there for each other and nothing more.I’ve been reading about russian culture on how is it russian women behavior towards their friends.Maybe if u have some insights u could kindly… Read more »
Derek, people who sleep with each other are NOT friends. Check the dictionary.
How about be sexual with each other as friends consider a friend in Russia.Is that like part of Russian Culture.Im probably been westernized to think like tha.It seems to have influenced Russia to act this way in their behavior?
Derek, being ‘sexual’ with each other is NOT friendship. Check the dictionary. Russian culture is strongly traditionally-oriented. In recent times, it slowly moves closer to the relationship culture accepted in Muslim countries, as opposed to ‘free love’ westernized ways.
In fact, Russians in general don’t believe in friendship between a man and a woman. They view any such ‘friendship’ as a man’s attempt to get the girl to bed.
Thank u again:), I am trying to learn the cultural difference as I am learning new things about Russian Culture that is very shocking to me.In the western world I think I have seen about anything but when I start seeing the same thing happen in Russia, it really shocked me about their culture
🙂
I wad wondering if u can help me win and conquer the heart of Russian woman as Im trying to do right now?I have to u,these Russian women making it tough onme but im not giving up that easily like Russian men that is pursuing their Russian women I have read
Sorry for the typo, I wish I could redit my comment again but hopefully u understand what Im trying to say:)
Derek, dating Russian women is easier than with western girls! Check this post
Coming into contact with a russian women i thought russian women didnt know the mentality of russian men as Im here trying to figure it out when talking to a russian women.Its sorta like they want me to be mentally tough like a russian man but just not tell me and suppose to know or figure it out.Wait, the girlfriends flirting with each other to get guy attention?I was confused with that because they would be flirting with touching each other with little laughters here and there.Thank u for sharing this knowledge as Im trying to figure out the russian… Read more »
I didnt know conquering a russian women would be this hard.Its very tiring and taxing to have the energy everyday to win her over.I guess thats its a emotional rollercoster to even wanna keep tyring to conquer a russian that these western men have their eyes on.I never knew how tough is to conquer a russian women.The toughest thing I gone through than anything else
Actually most Russian women I’ve met would rather NOT have this…all of this. They may be “used to it” but they seem to prefer the Western men. Either they think they make more money (probably true) or that they will treat them better. I mean, in all fairness, I miss my “Russian” husband now because he could have provided for me, (at least in Moscow, and “by now” as we’d both be in our 40’s by now) and the treatment wasn’t all that bad. Most Russian women I’ve met are surprised that I actually wanted one of their men until… Read more »
Theres just so much Im learning about the russian mentality.Another thing I learn about russian men is from the beginning they act as if thats their lady on the date.More things is russian dont take no easily from a women but keep trying to win her over like I said.Sorry for my comments,its just Im learning so much from your blog post of mentality of russian men and how to be like that to their russian women because Im thinking that these russian women expect the westerns to figure it out and not waste time trying to figure out what… Read more »
Last thing I do wanna say in this discussion is sometimes these russian women do these things that upsets but Im willing to forgive her mistakes,its just that if she keeps doing these things that upset u I dont how many times I can forgive these russian women but since I read russian men from other russian women need to be more caring I try but theres only so much I gonna allow this behavior that are mentioned in my comments to u but wait theres more……Now I dont know if their trying to upset me or is it trying… Read more »
Derek, western men and women used to have the same rules 50 years ago.
Henk, all this (what you described) is exactly why many Russian women prefer to have western husbands or stay alone. So if you act like that, you will be as uninteresting for Russian girls, as local men are. We DON’T like all that shit in Russian men. We just have to accept it, because most of Russian girls will never have any other choice. Their mothers, grandmothers, grandgrandmothers and so on lived like that, and they taught daughters that that is inevitable, so most of Russian women simply lack self-respect, and won’t seek better life. Most just don’t know English… Read more »
No wonder european men go to russia to get married, i guess women in EU respect them self to much to have a normal life.
It is not true. Russian women like to pretend to be victims. Russian women are very hypocritical. Russian men are tired of Russian women and want their own foreign wife.
Italian woman married with Ukrainian man here. Some things here are true, like the escalating process, but actually it was his determination to court me, to insist and to appear always determined, sure about himself and manly is what made me fool for him. With me the “Russian approach” worked. Now I could never see myself with no other partner but a man from former URSS. They are simply one step above.
And about sex, I disagree with the article. Ukrainian men are good at sex!
So true! I am very independent and open minded but somehow I do not prefer most western men. My best relationship is with my russian boyfriend from Moscow. Has a great job in o&g, intelligent, very loving and not controlling at all. And I too disagree on the sex part because he is really good in bed and nope no problem returning the oral favour too!
Anna Good comments. My grandparents came from Ukraine 115 years ago. I was raised in a very different view about women. Maybe Slavic men and women need to go back and learn from the older culture. If I acted like what it sounds like Slavic men are now. My Dad would have beaten MY ass. I have two sisters, two daughters and two granddaughters I would not tolerate them being treated poorly. Where are the Fathers of these women?
In conclusion: Russian men are drunk, rapey, stalking creeps that the rest of the world disgusts and thinks less of. that’s about what I figured. Cool story.
Pretty much sums it up. I see it in Odessa often.
That’s how they got an “Empire” isn’t it. It sure wasn’t the women who helped defeat the NAZIs in World War 2. Ok I know, I know, you don’t really want THAT in the bedroom….
Haha, this was funny! I appreciate your sense of humor, sir. Anything we read about Russia and it’s wonderful people should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m a Russian speaking woman who stopped dating Russian men bcz of their possessive attitude and selfish sex. Happy with my American hubby for the last 10 years now. Good luck!
Don’t be a tool. I lived in SPB for 4 years, and found this article to be spot on. The women there definitely want the man to make the decisions. The thing about women raised in Russia is that they studied the Russian classics so intensely in school and feel love should have some tragedies to be real. Maybe that is why they are OK with affairs. One of my girlfriends told me, “go where you want during the day, but you always sleep here at night.” And another told me never to flaunt my affairs. Mind you, I had… Read more »
Спасибо за статью “Russian doesn’t have a word for girlfriend – only wife and bride. This explains the surprising to the westerners desire of Slavic women to find a “husband” and not just date. There is no word for “dating” in Russian either. There is a word for introductions, and after that it is a relationship. The answer to Diana’s question posed to her local students as to how long a couple should date until deciding to move in together was, “If he likes her – 1 day”. It’s obviously a case of emotional intensity. It’s now intense your relationship… Read more »
Milana, You make an interesting observation. My only complaint about the Slavic ladies is that you want serious commitment from the very beginning. I wouldn’t wait years. I think I would move pretty fast for the right lady, but I want to develop trust and that takes awhile. And it’s been my biggest issue. I was on the verge of marrying last year, only to find that the lady doesn’t even trust me! No trust = No marriage, and this idea that love will conquer all? It’s a fantasy. Love is relatively easy to find, but sometimes only lasts a… Read more »
Tad, thanks for sharing your story. This is exactly what I’m talking about: every lady wants a man whose heart will say “yes, I’ve found what I was looking for and I want to be with you forever”. And, as for me, one year is more than enough to understand that. We’re all looking for our one right partner.
Milana, Falling in love is easy, even finding someone to fall in love with is not that hard. What takes time is to be confident in your feelings and that your own feelings and the ones of your partner do not change and you both want the same things. Mutual trust, which is what Tad is talking about, goes without saying for most people, as well as sincerely and honesty in expressing one’s wants, likes, and dislikes – but for Russian and Slavic women this part isn’t easy, as they’ve been brought up to sacrifice their own desires and wishes… Read more »
A lot of russian women dream about white prince, they fall in love with macho guys, and it looks like some algorythm. Also psychology not so popular in russian, i think that’s where we found rotten root.
Which explains why I do well with women here. I do not treat them as a sex object. I am probably the best known foreigner living here and my reputation as a gentleman is well known. These Ukrainian pigs called men need some lessons in manners. And I do not give a shit if it is their culture. Next to Islam it is the worst when it comes to how women are treated, Of couse, there are exceptions and I see some real gentlemen her, but far too few.
I’m glad you said “next to Islam.” Since people think I “look Arab” (or something) it always surprises the hell out of the Musliim cohort when I show them my married name….and then they’re like, after it sinks in, “you were with a Russian guy?” sort of thing. Actually, I’m getting less disbelief about my last name now than when I stuck with my maiden name (which is Irish)….it’s as if the world has an easier time believing I married a Russian than that I was born to (and raised by) an Irishman. Go figure. (Everyone except the Irish Embassy,… Read more »
Wow nice insight. I was this because I wanted to know the feelings of a Russian men when their girlfriends or wife has been approached in a public swimming pool. You see, I found an attractive lady swimming in a pool and found that she’s Russian and surprisingly married with a Russian man. I innocently flirted with her and gave me her number. All though there wasn’t any mutual sexual attraction. After a few weeks, we met again at the same public pool but this time with her husband. I pretend I didn’t noticed or know them their situation until… Read more »
Ernest,
Why are you flirting with a married woman (doesn’t matter if she is Russian or not). Regarding Russian girls, they enjoy signs of attention, but she will just as much enjoy watching her Russian husband break your nose.
Elena, in the first place, I didn’t know that she’s married until she told… well I just couldn’t resist her body is just too gifted(most Russian girls do). But I never texted her, or showed signs of seduction. Why did she gave it in the first place? Do you think she wants to cheat or something? By the way, they are both tourist now living in Philippines for the mean time.
My friend, I wouldn’t be concerned why did she give you her number. Because you asked? Simple answer.
I don’t know why, but I had a dream about a Russian man and ever since have been wanting a Russian man. I have never slept with a Russian and have been celibate for two years. This dream was great, want it in reality….
It’s because they’re dreamy, that’s why. Also it depends on what generation you’re dealing with. “My” generation (70’s) the men are different than the ones born like 20 years later; by now they’ve been too American-influenced to be any good. What you want are the good ones, that don’t drink or don’t drink too much, are Jewish so they don’t expect sex during your period, they take care of you financially and since they don’t drink, they don’t smack you around too much in the bedroom.
I’ve been living in USA for 17 years, and I would not even sleep with an American woman even once
Or maybe they wouldn’t sleep with you? 🙂
Do you support the popular Russian men’s view, why Russian women are the best? I, being Russian, would certainly stay away from any Russian man brought up on the “hunter-prey” courtship model, if I were single. The beliefs like “cheating is healthy for a relationship”, “jealousy is healthy”, “all men cheat” make me sick.
The Ukrainian and Russian women who have talked to me about cheating and domestic violence by Russian men certainly don’t seem to think that either behavior is okay! They have been emphatic that they have no intention of treating “beating or cheating” like it is business as usual, something that is a regrettable, but inevitable part of a relationship – something that just happens, so it is best to just accept and make your peace with that reality. In fact, the women typically cited those two things – along with alcohol abuse – as the main reasons that they are… Read more »
Correct. But go to forums for Russian women married to Russian men and living in Russia, and the blame for the husband’s cheating is on the wife! She apparently didn’t treat him well enough, didn’t look good enough, or why would he cheat? 🙁
You mean that the view that the women share among themselves is that the man’s cheating is the woman’s fault? Wow! That seems incredible, because one of the constants that I have found among Russian and Ukrainian women is that they tend to be VERY smart – both in the sense of having a good formal education and in the area of common sense and being savvy about life in general. It is one of the things that makes them such a pleasure to talk with, and it is sad to think that they would still buy into the myth… Read more »
David,
It’s not that women think so. It’s the society’s view that all Russian people, including women, share: it’s the woman’s responsibility to ensure her man doesn’t have a desire or need to cheat. Just the same as they believe that having a husband and kids is the true woman’s calling.
See:
– 7 reasons why Russian women are so beautiful– What Russian women think about marriage, family, and kids
– Why Russian women want to marry Americans
– Why Russian women are the best: What Russian men think
– Moscow huntress exposes cheating spouses
David you seem nice and I agree most of the time is not our fault that men cheat,” men” would do it even if you are the perfect wife and mother and even if you look beautiful, some men are just pigs. I hope not all Russia men really think like ( About cheating being ok) because is really sad!!.
The blame for the beating is usually alcohol. Mine didn’t drink (much). And as for the cheating part…I guess mine was most other womens’ idea of a “nerd” so I didn’t have a problem with that either.
I’m not too sure because like I said, I didn’t go back to Moscow with him when he decided to go (I went back to Canada instead), but I’m thinking that maybe the “putting up with cheating” mentality has something to do with that if you don’t, then you wind up out on the streets as it’s HIS house? Just sayin’….and I’d hate to be out on the streets in Russia especially in the winter.
Russian transplant in California here. I only go after other Russians. I do know Russian men who’ve married American women, though these women are friendly and emotionally mature, miles apart from those stuck-up, fangirlish, giddy “Western dolls” who chase Russian men (especially the more successful ones) and obsess over their Russianness, whether or not their views are rooted in stereotypes.
This makes me not want to go to Russia. I couldn’t care less who my girl talks to or if someone barely touches her, she can make her own decisions on what to do about things like that. Now if some guy grabs her forcefully or ignores her telling him to get away, then I’ll step in, but I’ll try to avoid violence and use persuasion, if I can. On the other hand if I see ANY man hitting any woman, that m-f’er is going to have 240lbs of Comanche muscle in his face to deal with instead of hitting… Read more »
You are very nice Chris salmon!!!
Chris, you are the ideal guy that i’ve always portrayed as my future bf, his mentality should be similar to yours. Keep up with that legitimate thinking.
Are you saying women are weak?! We can defend ourselves, thank you very much.
We are not saying you are week, its all about chivalry! Standing up for your girlfriend or wife! But there are the exceptions- I date a younger girl a few years back that was 3rd degree black belt- she could handle anyone without me even saying a word, but always expected me to be a gentleman with her.
Good for her, but it’s just not right for women to have to fight our own battles – those kind, anyway.
We both feel the same way…I like how you think Chris!
A classification of violence was ceased by legislation in Russia first by the lower parliament, then affirmed by Putin. If you batter your wife or any family member, but not rigorously enough to require hospitalization you’ll no longer go to prison for two years. It’s alarming. I wouldn’t be surprised to witness the wannabe totalitarian Trump pass a comparable law. We have a similar personality regarding this subject, Comanche brother. I grew up in a toxic environment where there was prolonged physical abuse by a stepfather and my mother was virtually murdered when I was only twelve years old. I… Read more »
The song Mama Said knock You Out by LL Cool J is Chris and Dante’s song
If he hits you, that means he loves you” is an expression with which Russian children are brought up. Unfortunately we have to deal with it as USSR parents believe it is true. What I think is that a loving man will never hit his beloved wife. “I love you very much. I need only you. Everything I do is only for you. You will have a luxury day today!” says the prospective groom, sending an air kiss into the camera, before going on a spree of flowers, oversized cartoon characters, and driving around in a luxury limousine. – Most… Read more »
That’s a pile of bullsh*t. I am a Russian guy living in Moscow, I usually split a bill, I never gave a woman flowers and I have never cheated unlike my exes (like why would I even date a girl if I wanted to cheat? Otherwise I will explain that I don’t want to date anymore and find another girlfriend). There is a word for “dating” – “встречаться”, there is a word for “girlfriend” – “девушка”; yes, there is friendship with benefits, too. Are you born in a dinosaur age or something? Face the new Russian generation. But one thing… Read more »
This sounds pretty cool. The Russian girls I am talking to insist that “all” Russian guys give flowers, pay the bill, and cheat. Women’s magazines and their readers say that there are no Russian men who do not cheat. So, it’s all lies? Or maybe you feel this way because you don’t live in Russia but in UK?
i met a russian girl about 2and a half years ago online and have went on 9 trips with her. i fell totally in love with her! she is so beautiful to me and interesting, and we write each other every day. she still seems reserved to say how she feels about me, but i tell her all the time. we started a fiancee visa but i am really confused if we have a chance or not. i have been the best guy to her and give her all respect and care. You have any insight? i know not a… Read more »
bill,
So, you have been dating for 2.5 years and filed for a fiancée visa, spent plenty of time together — but you don’t know how she feels about you? How does this work? Tell a bit more.
Arthur I think is very nice when I man gives flowers to a girl he is interested on, and more important to me is that he looks and makes me feel he is a man and that means paying for the bill, is not that I can’t pay for my own bill or half but is the point of him being in control and that that makes me think he would care for his family if he has one and I can trust him that if I ever have to be a stay home mom he can handle the full… Read more »
Thank you very much Arthur. You have my respect.
Sincerely American women engaged to a Russian gentleman.
I’m an American girl dating a Russia man a little over a year now. While not all apply to my significant other (everyone’s a little different), a few got me laughing over how true they are! They are sooo intense, they seem to just make up their mind and that’s it, you are the woman destined for them. All of the compliments and favors that almost cross the line to cheesy but stay romantic. But especially how controlling they can be sometimes (your coffee example), when they mean. In their head you’re theirs, so maybe it’s a sense of alpha-protectiveness… Read more »
Nice to hear from you, Maria. Yes, there are a lot of good qualities in Russian men.
Us Russian guys love Russian women…dirty New York chicks with no presence of style whatsoever, dirty hair in the morning looking like they came out of sewer- thank you but I’ll pass
Do Russian girls prefer dating western men or Russian boyfriends? I understand you may not like “New York chicks” but I have a few Russian female friends living in New York and they mostly date Americans.
Stanislav you just made Russian men look really bad and make this New Yorker lady look like she is right! Sad!
Stanislav- I feel you dawg…You forgot one thing- they all have a really poor attitude toward men all together.
Except towards the french men.Of course.
It is always like that, opposite things attract. Sometimes we are looking for something that we don’t have, or something what we find as “boring” may attract somebody else. I don’t need a guy to open a door for me or bring flowers, just I want to be sure that he cares.
We do care, the biggest problem in the USA is that when a really nice guy comes along, 98% want to keep them in their lives as a “Friend only” and not interested in perusing him as anything more. I have maybe 15 female friends, and I am so tried of hearing about how “he” cheated on her, or went out with his buddies fishing on their anniversary, birthday, major holiday, or stood her up and forgot to pick her up at the airport.
They’re not attracted to you.
That’s exactly what Harley was saying, but you’re not listening to Why. Most young American women are ONLY attracted romantically to “bad boys” because they seem more exciting – men who will probably cheat on them and beat them. ANY “nice guy” is immediately classified as “boring” and rejected as a potential partner. They are not attracted by nice guys, they’re attracted by abusive boors.
People please don’t read this dyke feminist bullshit. This article is very shallow. Someone got real butthurt once and assumes all Russian men are cheating, wife beating psychos (if you hit a girl back home, you put your life in danger because other men who see this will beat you to a pulp, which is not the case in Western countries)!!!!!!! We are always very protective towards all women, even to those who are strangers to us. So don’t spread this BS about Russians. I am Russian and I dated about a dozen of Western girls cause I live in… Read more »
Roman,
You live in UK, right?
Don’t take it personally, the article is about Russian guys and men living in Russia, and of course every invividual behaves differently.
I’m a Russian girl and I lived there most of my life although I don’t anymore. And as a girl I would never say all that rubbish. They are NOT ALL like that! I honestly don’t know how I managed to read the article till the end, some of the things were THAT ridiculous. And I did date russian guys. And there are faithful guys and cheaters, and those who bit their girls up and those who would never raise a hand on a woman. JUST LIKE IN ANY OTHER CULTURE AND COUNTRY.
Yilianna,
It’s true, not all Russian guys cheat and not all of them beat their wives, just as not all Russian girls go for facials weekly or dress impeccably. What I gather, married Russian men think “sex is not cheating”. Flirting with other women while you have a girlfriend is not cheating. Having affairs during business trips is not cheating. The going belief is, “the only men who don’t cheat are “импотенты, нищеброды и уроды”(impotent, poor or ugly).” Do you reckon this forum is rigged? woman.ru/relations/medley4/thread/4225953/
Russians joke about it themselves, there is even a song about it 🙂
Miss: Elena I live in Washington, State not the UK soon I will live in Russia so please don’t get me confused when you read my Post’s . And yes my soon to be husband knows exactly what I look like and how I dress and he knows that I was raised in the south and went to finishing school. My love the holder of my heart has seen me in both a dress and in shorts and old T-shirt , and in my nursing uniforms. He has seen me at my best and my worst. And love’s me to… Read more »
Sarah,
Great to hear you met a wonderful Russian man who loves and cherishes you. I hope you are very happy and have a great life together.
Roman thank you very much respect to you. Miss. Elena: Not everyone is bad nor good we are all different for a reason no matter what country you are in or come from, you will fine that we all have the same problem everywhere. People are going to steal, lie, and cheat, that’s a fact of life. But then on the other hand there are some very wonderful and nice people out there both men and women. These people don’t cheat or lie nor beat someone or drink themselves into a coma. I’am now engaged to a wonderful sweet Russian… Read more »
I have no problem with this! Except for the beating part, other than that it is a thing in Mexico too (or at least in my family which has Mexican, Italian duality) so keeping cool about cheats and instead welcoming the sidechick (as a slap in the face to him) is a tactic or thing we “supposedly” do. I haven’t because I never had the chance at a relationship. Though I’ve been reading about Russian men and learning their language and culture a bit, so far very few has ben reported from them. It is usually more about Russian women,… Read more »
Hi Steph,
Actually, one of my friends’ friend, an Australian girl, got married to a Russian guy. They met in an online group for foreigners who want to learn Russian. He lived in Sochi at the time. They fell in love online and then she flew to Russia. Then he came to Australua and they got married. So, Russian men do date and marry outside their babushka’s village 🙂
Good Article. I think the problem people over look in the ratio of women to men in Ukraine, Russia and other Slavic countries. I read an article, forget were now, which stated the ratio in most Slavic countries is something around 83 men to every 100 woman. In the US, this number is high, but near the this number. So, a cheater or wife beater will appear more prevalent. With this said, I have met and spoken with many Slavic women in my travels, which state drinking, cheating and beating are reason for them looking elsewhere for a husband. The… Read more »
The same works in reverse; it would be good advice to Western women not to get too chummy with Russian men unless you want to marry HIM. I’ve actually had Ukranian men “propose” to me (another “passport marriage” for my UK or French ones) ONLINE.
Russian men are strong and handsome. But I do not want to say that men of other nations are ugly. I just like to remind everyone that any man should be strong and attractive, and love only one girl for life. Men should remember this!
Mine “looked like Harry Potter.” But then again that’s my idea of a good thing. But that’s probably why I didn’t worry too much about him cheating. [As far as I know] only other women who were speaking to him, wouldn’t “have’ him.
Diana is a bit exaggregating i would say. There are “non-macho” men in Russia, and chances to have respectful equal relationships, especially in big cities. But i admit, it’s still not common. Also there is a huge amount of Russian men who have all the described “macho” attitudes, but won’t keep any patriarchial obligations. They hate girls who expect men will pay for the dinner, make expensive gifts and sponsor her financially after marriage. But at the same time they would feel you are inferior to them. They need a wife for a single purpose – to be served around,… Read more »
don’t full yourselves the Eastern European countries are in full transformation, and most of the info is years old yes, it may hold some ground in the small towns, but in the large urban areas the dating/courting rules have changed dramatically 1. most of the time both genders will not marry as fast as they used to. Yes they may still marry somehow faster (using the western standards), but now they will enjoy a long non-marriage union without any pressure to marry 2. men are less protective and demand more from women. Yes, this is a sad news, but there… Read more »
I’ve been dating with russian guys, and even though now i’m married to swede, i can’t say that our guys are so much worse. I don’t want to sound trivial, saying that “there are different people, blah-blah”, but it’s actually true, and due to my experience with russians, my ex-boyfriends never cheated on me (i’m pretty sure), they’ve never acted like alpha-males, which i so hate. If someone has such relationships, it’s only because they (girls) accept it!
I think that there are strengths and weaknesses in each nationality. Russian men are very strong, often despots. European men are more loyal, the respect the freedom and personal space of their women. But we must remember that there are exceptions to any rule. And Russian man can be a wimp, and an intelligent European can become a tyrant at home.
Dear Elena! Look like I need advise: “Lying about cheating and covering it up is considered honourable. Telling your wife you cheated is dishonourable, because you would hurt her by doing that.” I hate lying, that is unquestionable, maily for personals (authorities different mainly to defend friends I done it). I never been married, I can’t see the future: will be there another female for casual sex activities or not (there are things what we don’t do witht beloved wifes, just with whores). But if I do it I prefer to do with my wife knowledge, even approval. Is that… Read more »
Well, this sounds pretty disgusting to me. What was your question?