Over the last weekend I found out that a mutual acquaintance, an Australian guy in his 40s, went to meet his online Ukrainian girlfriend in her home country. Wonderful news, you may say, but let me tell you everything from the beginning.
The storyline
For starters, it wasn’t the hero who told me about his visit to Ukraine. It was my Russian girlfriend who phoned me and said her partner’s friend, who I also happened to know, met this Ukrainian girl online and went to visit her. But from what he was reporting back there were problems, and my friends were starting to get worried for him.
First, the man and his Ukrainian girlfriend have only talked for a couple of weeks online before he jumped on the plane. Ukraine is quite a long way from Australia, and tickets are not cheap. Probably, if you live in Europe, it’s easier, as some of our successful couples found out: You can just drive a car there. But from Australia, it’s a couple of flights away.
Second, he arranged to stay in her apartment, didn’t book a hotel. Sure, this means you probably would have some close body contact but it also means you would be dependent and at the same time unable to think straight (all these hormones that you can’t avoid when being intimate with a woman). If you are staying in a hotel, there are other expats who can set you straight in 15 minutes, giving you the breakdown of the local dating scene, which they know painstakingly through personal experiences.
What happened in Ukraine
As our hero arrived to his online Ukrainian sweetheart, things changed from what they discussed prior to him hopping on a plane in a hurry. She was acting differently. The woman didn’t introduce him to her family as she promised. She asked him to hide in a room whenever someone else was visiting the apartment.
His online girlfriend stated she didn’t have a dress to go out with him (which is totally impossible for any Ukrainian woman, they have dozens of outfits and go out all the time).
- So, they went shopping for clothes for her (of course).
- Then they bought new tires for her car (yes, she did have a car), as the old ones were worn out.
- Then some strange phone calls started. She said it was her ex-boyfriend who requested money, which she supposedly owed to him.
Because of the weird phone calls, our guy moved out and rented another apartment to stay. But they still were seeing each other. This is where I got the call from my girlfriend who told me they (she and her Australian partner) were worried about him and his romance. The hero was uncomfortable about paying her “debts” and my friends didn’t know what to advise him.
By the looks of it, the guy’s Ukrainian girlfriend was a pro-dater.
Pro-daters: Who are they?
Pro-daters
“Pro-dater” stands for a professional dater. Those are women and men who are constantly initiating new relationships, most often online, without actually intending to become seriously involved or getting married.
Guys do this to score with girls, and girls do it to score with guys.
For men scoring means getting to the point of intimacy, sometimes even having short-lived relationships, which they manage through promising women to marry them, holidays away, and small gifts. It’s either the pursuit and victory, or keeping a woman on the string without actually intending to proceed with a long-term relationship (marriage) she is hoping for.
If males who are pro-daters strive to get women in bed, girls who date professionally do it to improve their lifestyle. In other words, to get presents, trips away, and money to pay for the nice things she wants. Women who are pro-daters don’t always shun intimacy. This keeps their targets hooked for longer.
Both guys and girls who are pro-daters insist they are looking for true love. They may even believe it themselves. It’s just things never seem 100% right, so they “keep looking”, in the meantime taking what they can from relationships they arranged for themselves.
Both guys and girls who date “professionally” are well-groomed and seem rather decent at the first glance. They know exactly what to say and do to achieve their desired outcomes.
Professional daters are well-groomed and tell you exactly what you want to hear.
Typical traits of pro-daters
- Well-groomed, they have great photos in their online dating profiles (because having a good photo works).
- They say exactly what you want to hear.
- They rarely, if ever, make mistakes or enter arguments with you.
- Female pro-daters know exactly how to get you where they want you: Visiting, shopping, paying her bills, jumping on the plane, etc. They instruct you what you should do next.
- Women who are pro-daters usually do not work 9 to 5. They certainly don’t work as a medical doctor, nurse, teacher, or any other government low-paid job (in Ukraine these occupations are some of the lowest paid). Often these women state occupations like beauty therapist, personal trainer, etc. Something with irregular hours, so she can explain why she doesn’t have to go to work today. And dump you at any time of day or evening, if she suddenly gets an important “appointment with a client”.
- They travel overseas a lot, although they may claim having no passport (to ask you for money to arrange one). With the money they get from suitors, they can afford it.
- They have expensive clothes, shoes, handbags, usually by luxury brands. (And by the way, the clothes and dresses you buy are usually returned to the store. Even if the pro-dater wore it once with you. That’s the major method how they earn their living. Pro-daters have arrangements with shop workers for refunds and also get commissions from restaurants where they take you for meals.)
- The goal of a pro-dater is to get you in a position where she wants you, and where you are unable to refuse her requests. How can you, for example, refuse to pay for her clothes shopping if you are staying for free at her apartment and probably had sex more than once?
- They know what lonely men want and how to get from a lonely guy what she wants. If she asks you to buy her a dress or shoes, you can be sure it’s not the first time she is doing that. Many guys before you fell into the same crack.
- You cannot change a pro-dater. No matter how smart you are. If you would not get involved with a drug addict, avoid getting involved with a pro-dater. They aren’t good for you.
Why these women are doing it?
Some gentlemen ask me, “Why these Ukrainian women are doing it?” Sure, it seems rather bizarre if she could move to a much better country (Australia, USA, UK, etc) and have a stable life that you can give her.
But in fact, it’s easy to understand.
You can only provide somewhat average life for her, just a normal existence, and in Ukraine she is the Queen Bee. She makes 10 or 20 times more from her suitors than an average person who works 9 to 5, five days a week. And she doesn’t have to do much to get this money. She enjoys low local prices for goods and services, and her dollar income transferred to hryvnia goes a long way. (This is why Ukraine has been voted #1 destination for expats.)
She travels abroad all the time and can afford pretty much anything she wants. Why would she want to move abroad to live just an average life with you? This is why it’s never a good idea to get involved with a pro-dater.
And by the way, this type of women aren’t residing only in Ukraine. There are ladies like this in all countries. It’s just easier for pro-daters when you do not understand how things in the country operate, and also believe that women would do anything just “to get out of poverty” (or another belief that the mainstream media proposes about foreign women).
Don’t forget, there are also guys like this. Dating scams are 100 years old.
Pro-daters view: You can only offer her an average life in your country. While she lives extremely well in her country on the money you and her other suitors give her. The lesson: Don’t try to buy love, and you will be of no interest to “professional daters”.
The story continues
You may want to know what happened to our Australian hero. There is no full stop in this story although the only sound advice I could spell out, “Get out now”. But no, that’s not the choice our hero could accept. He decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with his Ukrainian girlfriend, and “sort out everything”.
I expect he probably is going to get engaged and start sending money (the usual going rate of pro-daters is USD $500 a month), so that “she can concentrate on preparing documents to move to Australia”. This is how pro-daters earn their living.
No, he is not a lost case. He’ll get to his senses (I hope). It’s just a very expensive lesson, but until you learn it, it’s hard to move forward to something real.
Pro-daters convince men to send them money and buy things.
Experiences and costs
There is another recent story on this site from a guy who met his online Ukrainian girlfriend in 2014 for a few short days, and has been sending her $400 monthly since.
Why? According to his account, she “joined the army reserve with a 2-year contract”, this is why he couldn’t go and see her again, and she couldn’t come to the States. By the way, this guy never got intimate with his beloved 37-year-old mother of one. She is saving this for marriage. He is now planning to travel to Ukraine and see her again. He posted his comment here because he started to suspect not everything was kosher and wanting a confirmation it would all be okay.
The reason he came to this blog was to find out if $400 a month could provide a comfortable life to a woman. When I told him the whole story was likely a setup to make men like him to send money, he got upset but still didn’t want to believe it. By the way, he posted his comments under the alias, “stupid man”. Why would anyone say it about himself outright?
That’s his reaction after I told him it was a setup. I also mentioned his online girlfriend is probably doing it to many other men. “Are there no decent women left in this world?” he enquired. My answer to that is below.
Putting it bluntly, any woman who asks you to buy her clothes and things, and send her money is to be avoided, period. You can of course make gifts and presents when you want to. But not when you are asked for that.
Remember: Dating is a profession for these women. If there is no income from you, they cut you lose.
Way forward: The 2 things you must do before going to visit your Ukrainian girlfriend
If you met someone you really like and who sounds wonderful, congratulations. Now it’s time to get smart about it. Before you even think about buying a ticket to fly to Ukraine to meet your online girlfriend, get the VIP Coaching Program.
You don’t even have to do anything. It includes an 8-hour audio that you can listen to in a car or while jogging. Simply listen and understand what it involves, how to ensure your relationship is for real, and how to structure it correctly. It’s not rocket science. You just need to know it.
If the girl you are going to visit is from Elena’s Models, get “profile verification” service. It’s not what the name says: Our administrator will ring the lady and chat to her about your visiting. It’s more like an informal personal call: This guy wants to visit you, do you know about it, do you have any questions, is there anything you need? Our administrator will ask questions you would like us to clarify and provide feedback. In any case, the woman will be aware this is recorded and being monitored. By the way, women are also worried what if the guy isn’t who he says he is. If anything, she will be happy that you are known to us and she will feel more comfortable about your visit (or meeting elsewhere), too. It’s definitely worth it to have a peace of mind.
I understand the majority of men believe they are smart and know everything, and don’t need any help or assistance. It’s fine. Just do these two things anyway, you will be glad you did.
Read also:
- How Elena’s Models protects you from scams and fraud: 2016 statistics
- How to marry a woman who is out of your league
- Cheapest tours abroad for Ukrainian girls: Where do I meet you?
- Why Russian, Ukrainian women want to marry Americans (Australians, Europeans, etc)?
Your article has some simple and practical reality to how “Pro daters” behave. They exist everywhere either locally on dating sites or in clubs or bars and of course internationally. I guess the issue that occurs whether the man or women is putting on blinkers when getting involved with Pro Dater types. When we go in search and are serious about wanting to have a partner that desire sometimes lets our guard down. If we like the surface of a person, we tend to let a few things go even though it feels a bit imposing. However, it is great… Read more »
I’ve met some ladies who’ve done that, and I blocked them on my phone and on hangouts as soon as they make mention of needing money for bills and what have you. I wasn’t raised to be stupid with money, so all guys and ladies need to take note of a serial dater’s modus operandi.
Very good topic. I have met a number of women here that want the immediate meeting. I understand this and know many MAY VERY WELL HAVE a good reason for this. But I can tell you the moment I see the, “I want to meet next week” comment, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and the desire to make this trip disappears. I want a REAL relationship but do NOT want to waste time catering to a person that simply does not care. What should OUR conditions be for this? Should we notify you and let… Read more »
Bob, How would you deal with it if a woman was from the U.S.? Someone you met in a bar? Do the same here. You are dealing with individuals. Follow the usual dating advice: Talk to several people, get on Skype (video), keep talking, be curious, compare. And stop calling it “scams”. Scams (including PPL scams) fall into pieces at the point of regular Skype calls. Call it “users” and you will be able to see pro daters for who they are, and react accordingly. The problem with many guys, they are okay with buying love. They don’t mind if… Read more »
Elena, I am curious what your opinion is about someone like me. My mother was Ukrainian and tried to teach me some of the culture and the Russian language. I don’t know what exactly was different in my upbringing compared to those with mothers from here, but I find some of the things vary between us. My mother told me not to trust a pretty face and as I got older told me that just because she sleeps with you doesn’t mean she loves you! She said women will use you if they can. I think she is a bit… Read more »
Greg,
You will certainly have an advantage in dating Russian and Ukrainian women if you speak and understand Russian. About your mom, I think she is simply overprotective and affected by propaganda in media. Sure, if a woman (or man) sleeps with you it doesn’t mean she (he) loves you… in western countries the same. I think it’s easy to see if a person wants YOU or wants something FROM YOU. Although some guys and girls struggle to see that, I guess if this is the case, it’s wise to learn the basics of how to build good relationships.
probably being the world’s expert on dating Ukrainian girls (I am a legal resident of Ukraine, Marriage with Ukrainian girls, etc. AND 5 Visas to America here is my rule: dont speak English SHOWS she isnt interested in ever leaving and RULE 2 = we MUST do ALL things a man and woman do to have a family and make a Baby. If anyone has better I would like to hear it. To almost quote my friend Greg from New Zealand, John from Tennessee (who used to work for a marriage agency)- I am the single most successful man they… Read more »
I have come across both types of women on-line. There are those that you could trust with your life and those whose stories start to unravel after a while. You start to get a feel for these things after a while.. One claimed to be a dermatologist. It turned out that I knew more about dermatology than she did and I have no medical training. Absolutely gorgeous profile though! On the other hand there was another who divorced her British husband because of infidelity and cruelty. She refused to accept a single penny in the divorce settlement despite being in… Read more »
it is one of the finest articles of all articles which are once read by me about acquaintances on dating sites… from myself I can add that only experience gives the necessary tools to distinguish the swindlers and idle consumers who dont have intentions to establish a family and at the same time they support a several working interchangeable contacts, feeding girls with the body, the emotions and promises to marry while a marriage for them too expensive and unrealizable project…
I have had women, (and men), try to scam me. There are few things more “emasculating” than chatting with a woman for months, only to find that it is a man armed with female photos. The saddest aspect, however, is the adage, “Once bitten, twice shy,” being over-insistant of proof they are real. I have done such things as, * (in the instance of the man), having been told she works at a certain orphanage, contact the orphanage, “No one by that description has ever worked here.” * He later asked me to go to a site to verify that… Read more »
Tom, You are talking about scammers, not pro-daters. To get rid of scammers (people using fake photos and prewrigten letters) you simply need to talk on Skype a few times. This, however, won’t deter pro-daters as they are real and use their real photos. Men who sit on dating sites for years and keep using women who genuinely hope to find partners, women who only want to use you for money – they are using people’s feelings to “score” for themselves. Dating sites can check if people are real but they cannot check users’ intentions. It is up to you… Read more »