While western mass culture romanticizes one-night stands and the hook-up culture, making promiscuous behaviour a norm, Russians are moving towards more conservative views in love and sex. Norms typical for Muslim cultures that undeviatingly require females to stay pure until marriage become aspirational for modern Russian girls. But what are the reasons behind this cultural phenomenon?
Why some Russian women choose to stay virgins until marriage
I have heard from several young Russian women, some of them over 26 years old, that they are virgins and intend to stay pure until marriage. Yes, these young women are on Elenasmodels.com website and seeking a husband abroad because they could not find a match at home. It is not atypical, apparently, when you read the stories below.
I would not say that there are thousands of them on our site, but possibly a few dozens or even hundreds, and I communicated with some of them via our Elenasmodels blog in Russian, which is geared towards the female audience.
I didn’t ask about their strong conviction to stay pure until marriage and the reasons behind it, but Lenta.ru interviewed some Russian ladies who hold the same beliefs.
True love waits
Since the second part of the 20th century and even more in our times of dating apps when romantic relations are viewed as easily disposable, sex outside marriage became a normal thing rather than a sin as it was viewed before. So, what makes young Russian women to abstain from intercourse, even though no one would view it as something wrong?
Ekaterina, 24, medical nurse
The young nurse views her choice as love to her future husband and children, believing that it’s the purity of the soul that is the most important thing, not just the physical side. She doesn’t view women who didn’t stay virgins until marriage as “the second grade”, since everyone chooses their own way, but she certainly thinks it’s a mistake, which would need to be reviewed and worked through mentally.
“For me the goal of intimacy with the husband is not pleasure but transference of an internal holding core to our children. I don’t want to give the treasure of the soul that just have blossomed to a man who doesn’t want to have kids with me.
“A man’s virginity, as well as a woman’s, is a treasure, why loose it for no reason? At 24 I don’t feel that uncomfortable as I was at 15-16 when I talked about my choice. It’s not a result of some underdevelopment or being outdated. I feel attraction and desire, just like all other people. It’s just there is the right time for everything. I would like to give myself to my one and only man.”
Tatiana, 26, artist
Tatiana’s parents are married for 26 years and she holds them in high regard. Having grown up in the atmosphere of love and chastity, she views her choice as natural.
“I always had some internal barrier that wouldn’t allow me to do something that would leave un unpleasant after feeling in my soul and destroy the psychological system. I am rather sensitive and often take things too close to heart. Relationships and true love are based on friendship and mutual understanding.
“I think there is the right time for everything. In the meantime, I have my art where I express myself.”
Elena, 27, teacher
She thinks that men are strange creatures and is scared to communicate with males. Elena blames her complicated relationship with the father for that. She’d been told by others to stop “waiting for a prince”, as the years are ticking by quickly, and she understands that she may never meet the man of her dreams. But she is still convinced that it is only after the wedding that a couple should be sharing a bed.
Olga, 28, private tutor
Olga got a “classic” upbringing along with her sister, having been looked after by the mother. The sisters’ favourite authors were Bronte and Austin, which is where the girls took their inspiration and ideals. Olga believes that being a virgin is an undisputable benefit for a single girl and it will be valued. She had already been proposed to but didn’t accept it, as she didn’t think it was “her man”.
One of Olga’s friends has the same views on sex before marriage and her boyfriend was rather shocked when she told him she would only agree to have sex after the wedding. But he was happy to hear that and told Olga’s friend that he would love her even more because of her views. So, apparently, such views are welcomed by guys in Russia, at least some of them.
Volha, 28, journalist
She thinks that many people confuse chastity with having psychological problems in communication. It is considered somewhat inappropriate to be a virgin, she complained. Volha’s classmates used to make fun of her, because she never had a sexual partner, and these jokes were hurtful. But it was her conscious choice not to have sex until marriage. Volha thinks that a woman who enters a sexual relationship before the wedding will inevitably feel guilty.
“The most important things before marriage is to learn the person not physically but learn his soul, character and views.”
Ksenia, 29, medical doctor, paediatrician
Ksenia’s grandmother told her to show a man just her knee and he would think up the rest. From the early childhood she was taught to save herself for marriage. This wasn’t understood by many of her student friends during the university years, but for her it was the only possible way.
Ksenia met a guy half a year ago and they plan to get married in a month. She believes that if she wasn’t true to her principles, she might have never met her future husband.
Maria, 30, interpreter
Maria wanted to lose virginity until she turned 17, but then she found religion and changed her views. She decided to save herself for the future husband. But her most important reason is that she hasn’t met a man with whom she would have mutual feelings. She states that she has a healthy sex drive but doesn’t want to do it with “just anybody”. She needs a man with whom she would have a proper relationship. She confesses that she feels out of place among other women who don’t hold the same views. She feels inexperienced and it makes her feel uncomfortable.
Anna, 35, architect
Anna believes that if a man is in love, he would stay, no matter what, and will propose marriage to the lady. And if he leaves after a woman rejects an offer to move to physical intimacy, then he should leave and she doesn’t need a man like this.
“It seems to me that if a man really loves a woman, then he would be prepared to wait and will overcome his egoism. To start an intimate relationship before marriage is like make a birthday cake and eat it before the celebration.”
Anna still hopes that she will find the man of her dreams.
Staying a virgin until marriage
Remaining pure until marriage is still an unconventional choice for Russian women. The girls that have chosen to stay virgins until marriage admit that their views are often ridiculed by other people. However, times are moving on and this position is more often is viewed as admirable by both males and females.
Young people love to experiment and most men and women become sexually active during teenage years. However, there are young women in Russia, as we can see, who take a conscious stand on sex before marriage and wish to be intimate with the one and only man in their lives.
Photo credit: Ekaterina Jurkova via Depositphotos
Read also:
- What are you here for? Honestly?
- Is it possible for me to meet a good Russian woman for marriage?
- What is the best way to find a partner for marriage?
- Do Russian women still consider marrying a foreigner as prestigious?
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Hoy en dia las mujeres ya no ponen esos detalles en su perfil.
Sergio, of course women don’t include this information in an online profile! 🙂 If a Russian woman is a virgin who decided to wait until marriage and give herself to one man for life, she is unlikely to tell about it to the whole world. She doesn’t want to be a conquest to all men. She is looking for a man who will be her one and only, not offering herself for sale.
I’m a typical guy and even I saw your point. Plus it made me laugh.
So in this day and age all western women aren’t but maybe some eastern are. How do you find out without being blunt? This is a religous requirement. Where is this Anna the architect,35? in this article.
breng, is it important for you that the woman is a virgin?
Not me personally, but it is biblical. experience says do it right and the force will be with you. Of course love is second driver.
Breng, then why do you worry if it’s not important for you? I understand biblical times (let’s say soon after the year 0000), when the average life expectancy was around 30 years and girls were married by the age of 13 (think Romeo and Juliet, she was 13 years old and chastised by her 26-year-old mother for still not being married — and this was just 500 years ago, long after biblical times), at these times things in life worked very differently. Ideas of that time also included the notion of flat Earth and that you could fall of its… Read more »
Romeo and Juilet was a play. Bible says marry a virign. I guess I am confused, isn’t the purpose of this site to match folks. Will Anna wait another 10 years until she is 45? The letter process will weed out a bad match plus the finances to put a match together. Had an old friend from Atlanta fly to Russia in 1998 and he was not happy with his pick. I think it was her family.
breng, how old are you?
Sorry not responding. Politics opposition tried running me down twice, followed once, and almost aciident. 911 towers, Florida recount, and California recall was me hence the political accidents. Mid 60’s and feds owe me $10million in backwages. Elder in defunct laying on hands church in Pasadena since 1920’s hence virign requirement. Bibical fair tales are real things here.
breng, you are kidding right?
Dear Elena, This virginity thing has gone too far and in some cases is a fraud/fake. I have very close insight into the contemporary muslim culture in both Europe and Asia. Quite many girls do have sex before marriage, both vaginal and anal (excuse me for being so blunt). Just before they get married they go to a surgeon to make a fake/recreate their virginity. That way all sides are happy and secrets stay secret. The same has been proven in religious communities in the western world, particularly in Australia and Ireland. So I am afraid nothing is 100% sure… Read more »
Goran, it’s not our topic.
Goran, in Russia there is no requirement for a woman to stay a virgin until marriage, except for Muslim communities. Vice versa, it’s quite unusual, although some Russian girls make this choice. So, they don’t need to do it, it’s a different motivation.
¡¿Y para que lo van hacer?! Las mujeres valorosas no van a publican eso como dice Elena. Disculpame por preguntarte pero ¿usted te has salvado? Y si no se ha salvado por qué le importa si está en su perfil o no si no se ha salvado.. Pero si si se ha salvado, como yo lo he hecho piensa esto… si Dios te perdono de otros pecados en su vida ¿por qué tu no haréis lo mismo? No es para ti ni yo saberlo. Si ella te dice bien y si no entonces no nos afecta.o que importa es si… Read more »
The interviews of each women simply highlight the individual choices relative to their beliefs, experiences and feelings on sex and its role in a relationship. The point is that choices are real for each person and it’s important to read, consider and learn that each human being should be properly respected for a view that has no intent of anything but to know what they want right now. To judge or respond in a combative or debatable manner has no purpose. what is most important is to simply appreciate we all as individuals have levels of values, beliefs and most… Read more »
“To judge or respond in a combative or debatable manner has no purpose. what is most important is to simply appreciate we all as individuals have levels of values, beliefs and most importantly comfort zones that allow us to enjoy the life we deserve.” Agreed on this part… Ir way de should no ever interview a lady in certain subject because for the sake of decensy a lady will never speak of a certain Subject to anyone that is not her husband…. Yes a lady will talk about saving for marriage, the importance and values of chastity. But never of… Read more »
A Virgin american woman says something very intelligent : ” Why a man would buy the cow if he already drink the milk ” ?
I think it is the best gift that a woman can do to her husband. He will love her more. I wish to marry a Virgin woman
Haha, not you alone! But are you a Virgin yourself? If not, why did you spend this precious gift (if you believe in purity) mindlessly? You can’t ask another person for something you cannot offer yourself.
Since the middle age Men must be brave and women must be pure. It is because a woman is pure that men at that time were ready to give their life to protect their woman. Do you feel so chevalry soul to women who will tell you that they already had sex with seven men before you ? No. Women are complaining that men are not like before. If you want to be respected, you must be respectable. Ignorant people are laughing about the virginity of women. They understand nothing. This is the ultimate gift that a woman can give… Read more »
David, it’s no secret that every man wants a virgin for a wife. But very few men are ever prepared to wait with having sex until marriage or even until they meet someone they wish to marry and have kids with, and then they call women they had sex with “easy”. Double standard are such double standards.
I like this Article this is how I was raised and still save for marriage because we do believe God must bless that union. This is my belief as a Christian Catholic.
Eric, are you a virgin yourself? If not, what happened with the upbringing and your beliefs? Do you think it’s appropriate to ask from a woman what you cannot offer yourself?
Sorry for the late reply… I am still a virgin. Ecer since I was born to this very day I have kept it despite what society says and even people making fun of me, which I do not care the only one I have to answer is God, no one else. I know it is not common especially and unfortunately in my nation however My upbringings and beliefs are still the same. The Unfortunate thing is in the world that we currently live people forget the meaning and importance to save for marriage. I do not have the same expectations… Read more »
Eric, most Russian women will be happy to hear that. Russia is a predominantly Christian country.
I love Russia because the russian are a people of sacrifice just like the Ukrainians throught their whole history… they have strong beautiful family values… The Immaculate heart of Mary chose the russian people for a reason Just like our Lady of Guadalupe left her image in Mexico for a reason… I truely believe in ny geart that Our lady Has chosen the Russian people as he beloved people, that is why she revealed it to the west in her apparitions in Fatima portugal.. Thank you Elena. I really liked this article it gives me a very positive outlook in… Read more »
Maybe some are, but from talking to several women from Former Soviet countries over the years, I believe they have become much more liberated in the last 20 years or so. They younger ones are acquiring western traits at an alarming rate. Sorry, just my opinion.
Marc, I don’t think you read the article. It does say that Russian women who choose to stay virgins often feel ridiculed by others. Regarding views on sex, no, just the opposite, for the last 20 years the Russian society became much more conservative. Read this study. I also feel it through talking to women.
These girls have their right for that kind opinion but in my experience when I was 22 and still virgin I had propositions only from men who were 45+. And this fact made me confused. I realized that young men don’t need a girl who don’t know anything about sex and they (men) don’t know what to do with these girls in bed at least.
Ok, so what are the stats on relationship success? I personally was disappointed when I lost my virginity even though I had, had quite a lot of non-vaginal sex beforehand. I thought, “is that all there is”, the anticipation and the fantasy was better than that…yawn. But then I got into a long term relationship and the sex became amazing and it took time until it got there. Another thing is, lots of virgins, particularly Muslim virgins are doing anal. As long as her vagina isn’t penetrated, she’s a virgin. But I get the feeling that isn’t the kind of… Read more »
Paul, lots of Russian girls still marry young at the age of 18-19 (see stats here). Russian men believe a girl should be married by 21. The whole concept of the goal of a woman’s life being marriage and children, which is heavily promoted in Russia, makes girls marry early, and also now with government-sponsored drive to instill Christian values and conservative views on sex, I keep hearing from Russian men that a woman should stay a virgin until marriage. Girls are also buying into this idea, although in 1970-2000 there was no such drive. Russia at best has very… Read more »
Guy thinks he loves her, then he cums. An old saying. And yes, I see your point. Asking for sex will make a Russian girl uncomfortable for many reasons. Guys want sex very, very much but they value virginity and I think it’s more than just breaking her hymen. I think it’s innocent, freshness, decorum. No girl should ever tell a guy she has slept with ten guys in her life, even if she has. This also applies in certain case to inter-religion, intercultural ect. If I found out my gf slept with a guy I hated, I would probably… Read more »
Opinion about this depends on the country. In my country you hardly find a female who virgin above 14 in the native population (so not count on muslims). Personally I know from only 2 who virgin above 25. And opposed to some country (in my experience) the majority simple do not care. Some 100-200 years ago was common in the low nobility, and upper middle class if the family had many girls some remained unmarried for lifetime and virgin (by the cost of the dowry for the not lucky ones, or they simple was too ugly, and don`t became nun),… Read more »
could not find maria in this article in your database
jackhw, these are not stories of women from Elena’s Models; read the article.
am a born again Christian and am very happy such women still exist. as a Christian, you must keep yourself holy for it is the temple of the Lord our God. unfortunately I lost mine when I were a non believer. this I know will hurt me for the rest of my days. courage to you Russian and Ukrainian ladies may God help u in this holy journey.