Some guys believe it’s better to wait for months until they get to know each other better after starting to chat with a woman on the site. Why is this approach fraught with perils?

Why you should meet quickly after connecting on the site

Even though there are a lot of success stories on the site describing how quickly met the couples who fell in love after a chance encounter online, there are still guys who believe it’s not in their best interests to meet within weeks from the first “Hello”.

Here is an example of one such comment from a (still single) client of Elenasmodels.com.

What is wrong with this approach?

First, I’ve learned to interpret the phrase “with all due respect” as “I do not respect your opinions at all”, so stop using it. It’s annoying when you first say “with all due respect” and the next goes “foolish” in the same sentence. If you don’t like and don’t trust my opinions, fine; just don’t be a dick about it.

Second, these “foolish” people fall in love and get married, and the writer is obviously single, after trying to find a match for months or maybe years — so, who is foolish here?

Read the success stories on Elenasmodels.com; you will notice the pattern. And it’s not “we have been corresponding for a year and then decided to meet”, but “we knew straight away this was special and we started to plan our meeting a.s.a.p.” The proof is in the pudding, right?

Third, just think what would you do if you met not on an international site for singles but through a local dating app? Would you want to meet as soon as you realized you are really hitting it off — or wait for months? The relationship dynamics are the same here. It’s no different.

Here is why it works the best when you meet faster — what I mean, you both can’t wait to meet, not that you are trying to force the personal meeting to happen quickly when there is no spark.

1. Women want to get married a.s.a.p.

They do not “collect contacts”. What is the benefit for her in collecting contacts? The more guys she is talking to, the more time she has to spend. She wants a guy who will come and sweep her off her feet, that’s what all genuine women want. To end this search. They don’t enjoy dating and talking to multiple guys at all.

Do you think they dream to correspond for months with a bunch of guys to be “picked” by one of these men as one of his dates when he visits? Absolutely not!

2. Russian girls follow the hunter-prey dating scheme.

You may think they should not, but it’s like telling females who have been brought up in a Muslim country to stop wearing hijab and start dressing in shorts and cut-off tops — while they still are living in the Muslim country where they have grown up. They simply can’t do it; it’s against all their beliefs and feelings. Russian girls have been trained, by the culture and all the women’s magazines, to “sit and wait for Destiny“, “Love will find you, you don’t need to look for it”. For them even listing a profile on a dating site is a huge step; sending an EOI to a guy first is something they ponder about for days. Seriously.

• Read about the hunter-prey dating model here.

Unless you show her the full strength of your interest in her, she thinks you are NOT interested!

And if you do not ask to meet her soon after starting a chat online, she thinks you are one of the Internet romance writers, who will write forever and never eventuate anything, or simply disappear.

The point is: If you do not start talking about a personal meeting within 2-3 weeks, the woman loses interest. She will be much happier to communicate with someone else, who as she can see is really interested in her (i.e. talks about a personal meeting and starts planning it).

Foolish are the men who don’t understand it.

In addition, you’ll learn tons more about the person while you are planning the meeting than through daily chit-chats. When you both need to accomplish a common task, it brings out the person’s true colours.

Besides, it’ll take weeks before you actually meet. These weeks are your “exclusive” time to communicate and get to know each other better. If something doesn’t feel right, pull the plug.

In other words, absolutely nothing stops you from starting to plan the personal meeting after communicating actively for 2-3 weeks. And if your communication is slug, because “she is too busy”, you know the answer: You are not her priority. Getting married to a worthy man is always the woman’s priority. That’s her sole meaning in life, according to the Russian culture! If she doesn’t prioritise you, that’s your answer.

3. Women hate guys who write without purpose.

And I am not using the word “hate” here lightly; they hate tire-kickers with a passion. The first thing a girl wants to know, “Does he have serious intentions about me?”

• How do you confirm that you have serious intentions? You start planning a real-life date.
• How do you confirm her suspicions that you are just another guy who will waste her time? You don’t start talking about a real-life date (aka “personal meeting”).

It’s up to you really. Which type of guy you wish to be perceived as?

You will only get the most desperate women to stick around if you do not start talking about a personal meeting within the first month of your communication.

It’s up to you to figure out if you have a strong attraction to the woman and if you feel she has a strong enough interest in you. If you don’t see it working out, it’s pointless to whip a dead horse. Cut if off and find someone you can really connect with.

You are a man; you are expected to behave like a man, not like a terrified wimp who doesn’t know what he wants.

A good woman is not going to hurry you up to meet; she may ask once and if you do not react, she will conclude that you aren’t really interested in meeting her for real and having a genuine relationship, but you simply want to write love letters back and forth for free forever. (PPL sites charge good money for that, by the way.)

She has no desire to be your online therapist in writing, to heal your fragile ego and prove to you that she is genuine and not a gold-digger. Learn before you date online, not when you date!

4. There is a clear pattern in how gold-diggers communicate; if you don’t know it, time to learn it!

Some men worry about gold-diggers who “make a living of men arriving to see them”, as the author of the quote mentioned above.

These are the girls who take men shopping; I wrote a post about it before.

This is more typical for Ukraine, which is absolutely plagued with PPL scams that trained girls to “get something from foreign men”; it became embedded in the culture of young women, especially the ones who want to find a partner abroad. Don’t think good girls have no friends who are participating in PPL schemes; that’s where over 30,000 people in Ukraine are employed and make their living! Any girl who decides to look for a partner abroad first gets ads of local “marriage agencies” and they all are suppliers for PPL.

If you are talking to a girl from Ukraine, a good tip is to discuss PPL scams with her and find out what she thinks. Many Ukrainian girls think that “only stupid men would fall for such scams”, i.e. they blame the victim for the fact that he got taken for a ride, not the perpetrators, and see women and men who are participating in ripping off foreigners as “just doing their job”. (Watch the movie “Man on Fire” with Denzel Washington to understand how locals come to see crime as “nothing personal” when they live within the culture.)

If you are absolutely unsure about your ability to distinguish gold-diggers from genuine girls, there is a simple remedy: Avoid girls from Ukraine. Other countries don’t have the PPL scams plague and therefore you won’t be taken for a ride. Easy. In addition to Russia, there are also Belarus, Kazakhstan, Moldova, and all the women living in other countries.

If you are dating a girl from Ukraine, then follow the tips in the article above about girls who ask men to pay for their shopping.

Seriously, guys, it’s infantile to even suggest that you need to communicate for some set periods of time to ensure you are not taken for a ride. It shows you completely miss the point and have no idea how genuine international dating works.

5. Russian and Ukrainian women are dedicated to you after becoming intimate.

If you have become close physically, the woman is ready to wait for months and years, as she feels your relationship is now serious. She needs it to be serious, or she will have no respect for herself, as the woman can only allow herself to be intimate with a guy who has intentions to marry her. That’s embedded in the cultural standards.

This is widely used by Russian guys to seduce women: They start talking to girls about wanting to have a family and women are happy to “become serious”. I hear it all the time from girls who come to my Russian blog with tips how to bring back the lost love. Women in Eastern Europe are trained, by cultural standards and women’s magazines, to be devoted to a guy once they have been intimate.

And you cannot be intimate without actually meeting in person. Even if you meet in Thailand for a 3-day weekend together (there are very cheap tours from Russia and Ukraine to Thailand), this could seal the deal for you with the woman of your dreams. Writing letters won’t.

6. What if you don’t like each other when you meet?

It can happen, absolutely!

Be prepared it may happen and you have 50/50 chance it will happen. Be prepared that you or her may not feel the physical attraction when you meet for real.

You are not buying a wife; she is not selling herself to get out of poverty. Let’s make it clear right now.

Girls in Ukraine and Russia have access to luxuries and even able to travel the world for free, using websites like Couchsurfing.com. The women you are talking to probably have been to more countries than you visited in your entire life.

So, it’s really about that connection and physical attraction; she is not trying to “get a passport”. If you think so, you have already lost any chance to find something real.

She is not going to be grateful to you for “taking her out of misery” in Ukraine or Russia and she is not going to think you “saved her”, if this was your idea.

She only wants to know and feel that you are “hitting it off”.

Being exclusive happens naturally; if a woman feels strong connection with you, she will stop communicating with other guys and probably won’t even tell you that, for the fear that you will see her as desperate, because you haven’t actually met yet.

If she doesn’t feel strong connection with you, then even your request for her to stop talking to other men or suggestion to “be exclusive” will be met with resentment.

She either wants to do it and will do it on her own accord, without your requests, or she won’t do it at all.

It’s up to you to do it first because she is the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life; she may or may not follow the suit; watch and take notice; make your judgements. She doesn’t have to “prove” anything to you.

Trust is given and offered; not requested.

If this sounds “too romantic” to you and you want to tell me about costs and how expensive it is; let me tell you how expensive it is to write letters for months.

• How much do you earn per hour?
• How much money could you earn instead of hours of browsing and letter-writing?
• Stop talking about “costs” if you keep browsing and writing letters.

The problem is not the cost of travel; the problem is you — you are fearful, you don’t trust yourself. You don’t trust yourself that you are making the right choice. You don’t trust yourself in your choice of a woman you think you want to be with for the rest of your life.

So, what right do you have to ask someone else to trust you, if you cannot even trust your own judgement? Why does she have to trust you, if you don’t trust yourself?

Maybe you still believe the preachers from PPL sites who say you “need to arrange several women to meet on your visit” — or the online forums advertising such sites and taking commissions from PPL and “romance tours” schemes?

Do you still think Ukrainian and Russian women are happy to be there for your “picking”? (How do you say “idiot” politely, to avoid offending the person?)

You know, deep in your heart, if it’s real and true. She knows that as well. If you don’t know, ask your heart, it never lies. Trust your gut feeling.

It’s like boiling water: You know when you see it, what it looks like; you just cannot confuse it with something else.

If you still need a scorecard to mark points, I have one in the VIP Coaching Program, how to judge if you are ready to visit the woman of your dreams and whether it’s real.

If you have any questions how to build a quick connection with a lady and eliminate gold-diggers, so that they drop off themselves, it’s also explained in the VIP Coaching Manual. In fact, it will save you thousands on dating women from Eastern Europe — there are tips you’ll never find anywhere else.

Enjoy your successful and easy dating!