Sometimes we get complaints from men about women. This time a guy complained about a woman that she “wasn’t real” and when asked for details, said we should read his emails on the site. So we did.
What happened, being a Gold member, he didn’t have access to video chat on Elenas Models site (accessible for free for Platinum and Ultimate members), so he demanded from this lady to meet him on Skype. When she didn’t react, he sent another email saying he wasn’t going to continue the communication and would assume she wasn’t a real person unless she met him on Skype, and that he needed to make sure she looked like her photos, because the photographs were professionally done. After which she basically told him to get lost, and he decided to report her as a scammer.
How NOT to ask women to meet
Email conflicts can escalate very quickly. When you don’t see another person and their reactions to your words, people tend to be much more hurtful than they are in real life. Think Facebook trolls. Who would be that daring if they were facing the person they were abusing? Not too many people, that’s for sure.
In this conflict, it was plainly obvious that the way the guy asked for a webcam meeting was too pushy and offended the woman, and he didn’t even realize it.
We phoned the lady and talked to her. A lovely lady in her 40’s, she was the first to mention the problem she had with one man on our dating site who accused that her profile was fake.
Guys, there are many ways to express the same thing! 😉
You can be nice and pleasant, or you can be obnoxious and pushy. There is a completely different feeling to these 2 phrases:
- I feel we have so much in common, I am so much looking forward to talking to you on Skype!
- I need you to meet me on Skype, so I can be sure you look like your photos.
The first one will be met with delight, and the second one with disdain.
Just remember: any phrases implying that you are unsure of her sincerity will always have a bad effect on a real relationship. How would you feel if she told you, “I need a proof that you are a real person. Show me your face on webcam, or I am reporting you as a fraud.”
Not very nice, right? The most offensive part is that a person you were having feelings for thinks you can be potentially a scam artist. And what does it say about this individual? They aren’t very confident and secure, and, probably, have a lot of baggage.
Accusations in scamming
It’s pointless to accuse girls in being potential scammers, or even suggest that she may not be 100% sincere. Scammers will assure you they are genuine, but honest women will be offended, and most likely refuse to talk to you again.
From time to time we get emails from crazy guys who accuse us, Elenas Models as a business, in scamming. Do you think we spend time on trying to convince these guys we are not running a scam? Of course, not! We simply offer them a full refund, or, if they are not paying members, suspend their profiles, so that they would never be able to join again.
Why?
People with an attitude problem like this will always have trouble, suspecting every woman that she has a hidden agenda. Which means, they are going to be taking time of our staff complaining to Help Desk, and, probably, abusing women as well, which is going to turn into custard very quickly.
And then we have 10-15 women dropping off the site, because they felt offended and do not want to continue using Elenas Models. These 10 women may tell their friends not to use the site as well, so the problem snowballs. And, anyway, suspicious people have very little chance to establish a genuine relationship, because trust is the very foundation on which rapport is built.
Dating online and in real life
Please realize that dating women from Russia and Ukraine online is very much the same like meeting girls from your own country. If you were to talk to a lady in another city in your country, think how would you go about suggesting to meet on Skype or in person.
Surely you would not be telling her she needs to show her face, or you’d think she is a scam artist? So, don’t do it here either.
Before asking people to do something, think what’s the best way to go about it. Even if you live in the same city, not every female will be happy to jump on Skype right away, or meet you in a local bar tomorrow. Some may be content to do it while others may need more time to get to know you.
Your suggestion to meet on webcam should come as something she would be looking forward to, not an exam: do you look like your photos on the site?
- Surely, if you were getting married, you would want your bride to have a nice dress, hair and make-up, and hire a professional photographer to take pictures? Or would you just take a couple of selfies, and put them on your wall to remember that day?
- If you were going for a job interview, would you dress nicely, shave and comb your hair, or put on the worst clothes you have in your wardrobe?
The same is applicable to first introductions. People, especially women, tend to put their best foot forward, and look their finest. It doesn’t mean they are trying to deceive you. The famous model Cindy Crawford once said, “Even I don’t look like Cindy Crawford when I wake up in the morning”. Which Cindy Crawford is real, the one we remember from magazine covers, or the one that wakes up in the morning?
Marilyn Monroe was famous for washing off her makeup, and going for a walk in the streets, incognito. She was delighted people would not recognize her without the usual hairdo, mascara, and lipstick. Was she lying to all of us, making herself look better for the movies?
The best way to ask women to meet on webcam
Making women anxious about meeting you on camera adds to the normal anxiousness of any first date. You should be trying to calm her down and be looking forward to it, rather than announcing it’s a test.
- Tell her you’d love to see her when she is ready to meet you on camera, and ask if she has a Skype account. She will usually tell you if she has one.
- If she does, give her your Skype name and tell her what hours and days of the week would be convenient for you to meet. Check for the time difference between your locations, and tell her what time it’s in her city.
- Ask her to let you know when she can meet you but also tell her you will wait until she is ready. It’s nice to see a man who is considerate and sensitive to her feelings.
It’s a big thing for women to agree to meet on webcam. You only think that you need to make sure she is a real person, but for her it’s a worry:
- How will you be able to communicate, because her English isn’t perfect?
- What should she say?
- What should she wear?
- What to do if she doesn’t understand what you are saying?
- Is the date marked as a “lucky day” in her horoscope? (I know you may not believe in these things but many women do, even if they are highly educated.)
Ladies feel that it’s a chance at a real relationship and they don’t want to screw it up. It’s “the first date”, and she wants it to be special. Be a gentleman, and she will be happy to become your fair lady.
Read also:
- How to meet Russian girls in real life
- How quickly can you meet a girl on Elenas Models?
- Why do you need a video?
- Talk to women on Skype — Why it works
>> All articles (in English)
Share this article
It Seems we need a map and a set of instructions on how to date a lady online! I hope I just get lucky and meet someone sweet and kind looking for the same things as me.
Richard, some men are naturals and others do things without thinking, with unanticipated results. Women and men often see thing differently (even though they are both from Earth, and not from Mars and Venus). If you have great empathy and are naturally good with women, you won’t have any problems! 😉
you don´t need a map. you should just be as polite to the lady, as you wish she is to you
I think the man’s reaction is most likely due to his experience on other sites and things that he has read. There are sites where I am pretty sure have a large percentage of women who are scammers or scammers using innocent victims photos. I have also been writing to a lady on another site where her photos are professionally done and then saw her candid picture. Does not even look like the same person. 🙂 I think enough experiences like that and your guard is up very hight. I personally would never take his approach and since EM is… Read more »
I had few times situations when men before even I was able to respond on skype, alredy were saying “show me on video, otherwise you can be a scammer”. That was so rude! I had no problems in fact and did, but sometimes camera was running late or it was a delay, so I could hear and see but my cam took extra few seconds. Also there are some men having problems to show on skype or to call even though skype is free. For me it is important to be able to talk and to see the person… I… Read more »
I have been on Em for long time. found many nice ladies just not the one to marry yet. There are scammers everywhere in the world, But Em stops them from being a problem. in fact the only 2 scammers I meet on EM… Elena stopped me from being taken and she spotted them before I was sure of it and quickly banned them. Meeting on Skype is a great way to learn each other better and the correct way to ask is in a polite way. having learned sometimes the hard way and after reading some of Elenas books… Read more »
How to deal with a man if he keeps delaying a skype conversation? There are many of those on EM website as well!
Jul, the same rules apply. 🙂
Be nice, polite, and considerate.
And remember, you don’t need to have a Skype account, guys!
We have a video chat facility on Elenas Models, and it’s UNLIMITED — you can use it as much as you wish, no pay-per-minute! (No need to download any software, works in your browser)
Very informational article, thank you! I tried the service a couple of years ago with no result ( probably because I am old ( 55 now ) and Asian, I now will try again to see if anything coming out of it!
I have met scammers on other sites but they were not site with a good reputation. EM seems to be much better than most other sites and I like that it is not the kind that charges per message etc. I believe my chances are much better here to meet the woman of my dreams and I plan to always give them time to feel comfortable with anything like choosing to meet on Skype. Things like that are pretty big steps to take and no one should rush into anything. We need to really get to know each other and… Read more »
Many say that they don’t have skype or whatsapp. Are there people these days who don’t use smart phones or these application?
Dean, we have video chat on Elenas Models. There is no need to download any software. Simply send her a video chat request, and once she accepts, you can chat on webcam as much as you wish.
Very interesting article , helpful in my situation.
It comes down to common sense. Be polite. Treat people with respect.
My main problem is the genuine lack of real women that have contacted me over the years. All of them have done the same scammer tricks and patterns. When I am unsure I politely ask them to either Skype or use Yahoo messenger. I frequently check photos on Google Images to find that they had stolen a model’s picture or vid. After just a few chats or emails, they act like I am the love of their life, or ask me for a serious amount of money to prevent them from starving. I very rarely suggest that they are scamming… Read more »
Rob, on this site or other sites?
Normally women are very shy to contact men first, even though we advise them to do it. They take it very hard when a man doesn’t respond (which is what most men do) or answers negatively. If more men answered positively, it would encourage women to contact men first.
This is a great topic. In every walk of life, the strong will always try and take advantage of the weak. So scammers are no different in this respect. They are trying to take advantage of a persons genuine hopes and dreams. Emotional blackmail if you like. But scammers will always blow their cover eventually. The simple way to deal with them has already been mentioned on this site. NEVER send money to someone that you have never met. If you ever get such a request, end all communication immediately. There are plenty of real people on this site, so… Read more »
I think, first of all, men shouldn’t be afraid to write or call at all. Just try to send a message first, polite and with respect, to calm down your friend. The only way is to try it by yourself, don’t wait for anything or anybody. Think that woman is also shy, afraid and have a lot of different worries.
A woman treats Skype contacts a bit different, than a man, i think. Its like a first date, when you need to impress a person, and when it comes to a sudden offer to have a video contact, somewhen in the evening, after a long working day or with some random people aside, none of us would be ready for a sudden video meeting. Its much better just to arrange time and day, when both would be eager to communicate comfortly, without any disturbings. And, to be honest, girls need a bit more time to prepare themselves, than guys do… Read more »
I have a question, as I’m new to EM and have not yet contacted any ladies here, so I may be jumping the gun a bit. While I understand Skype, what options are available for Email and/or Live Chat that offer adequate translation? One of my reasons for this is that I write stories and poetry, and while that is no replacement for face-to-face contact, it goes a long way in communicating feelings without overdoing things, and allows ladies to read at their leisure. Even American women I’ve dated in the past enjoyed it (when it’s not overdone, of course),… Read more »
Jeff, You don’t need any “translations”. 1. All women in Russia and Ukraine learn English for 6 years at school. 2. There is free Google Translate tool, which gives a pretty good translation, if you need it. 3. EM site has a free built-in online translator. You can email to women through the site, use chat or video chat (it’s all unlimited, no extra charges), or contact them directly via their email address, phone number, Viber, Skype, Whatsapp etc. All women have a mobile phone, free Wi-Fi is available, so you can decide for yourself how you want to communicate.… Read more »
Elena, Just caught this thread and blog. My experience. I’ve been on personal email for over a month with a couple ladies on their “personal” email accounts or at least I think I have considering what I’ve read as these were through a PPL site. I’ve asked now the ladies politely to talk over Skype, since it’s been a month of daily “personal” email contact, which seems like a long enough time. They both responded that they don’t know English well enough to chat comfortably yet. They said they’ll revisit this later. They don’t say if they are learning English… Read more »
J T,
The correct approach is not to use PPL sites where agents control women’s profiles and hire substitutes to communicate in order to extract as much money as possible for as long as achievable (years if they can).
They may even talk to you on Skype briefly if they think it will make you to come to Ukraine where they can extract thousands in one hit and the “bride” is ok to show up for dates to earn extra cash. Otherwise, if the “bride” doesn’t wish to see any suitors in person, they will just string you along.
Hi Elena,… but the guy above mentioned he’s on personal email now,… and one can go through a local travel agency in Ukraine to get lower travel package rates than through the marriage agency,… so, it seems you could still yet address his question. But, if it’s been over a month on personal email and they’re avoiding going to Skype, it’s probably a scam.
Scott,
I am unsure what is your question?