From time to time I read in online forums about Ukrainian women who take their foreign boyfriends shopping as soon as they arrive to meet them for the first time. Most guys are taken aback when a woman they communicated with for weeks takes them to a department store and expects them to pay hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars for clothes and “presents” for her.
I have mentioned this type of situations before on my blog and responded to men’s questions about it, but it bears repetition.
So, what should you do if a Ukrainian woman you are dating asks you to go shopping? (Or in some cases simply brings you to a store and expects you to buy her heaps of merchandise.)
Here are a few things you need to know.
There is no custom in Ukraine or Russia for a man to go shopping with his girlfriend when they are dating
As in any culture, once a couple starts dating, a man may give small gifts to his girlfriend such as flowers or boxed chocolates. When they progress to a full-blown intimate relationship, he may give her small pieces of jewellery or other once-off little presents, travel together etc.
However, no Russian or Ukrainian man would ever take his girlfriend to a department store for a “shopping spree”. Girls and boys spend time together, talk, cuddle, go to movies, walk hand in hand — but they don’t go shopping for clothes, bags and shoes. (Read our real life love stories.)
If your lady says there is a “custom” in Ukraine/Russia for a man to purchase lots of presents for his girlfriend, she is making it up, and her interest in you is purely materialistic. A lady who is serious about you will not want you to think she is being money-oriented.
This is what good, genuine women think about it:
For me it is awful when a woman asks a foreigner to go shopping to buy things for her! There is really no such custom in Russia or Ukraine! It is OK when guys pay for a woman in a restaurant, cinema or museum, but not for purchases! Russian or Ukrainian men do not do that except that they want to buy a present for their beloved. But that is a different situation. I think there are such women in every country and it is very important to identify them from the very beginning before the feelings are deep enough.
Ukrainian and Russian men would walk away if a woman took them shopping
If a woman took a Russian or Ukrainian man to a store and asked him to buy her clothes and gifts, he would simply walk away. If she told him she wanted to go shopping, he would wait for her in his hotel or cafe, and read a newspaper or surf the Net while she was in the stores. He would not be walking around with her paying for her purchases.
Sometimes a couple may go shopping together when both of them need to purchase something, or when he needs to get certain things and wants her advice. Otherwise women go shopping for clothes with their girlfriends or alone.
What to do if a woman takes you to shops and asks to buy her things
First of all, realize it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “No” to anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Be ready to say, “No” in a nice way.
For example:
- Sweetie, I am not really into shopping. You go and I will just have some coffee here. How long do you need?
- You expect me to pay for this? Honey, when you are my wife, I will buy you the moon and the stars. But right now we are just getting to know each other.
- If I wanted to buy love, I wouldn’t need to travel this far.
- OK, you want me to pay for this, right? What else do you plan to buy? Let’s make a list. How much money would all these things cost? So, you say it’s a custom for a man to buy this much stuff for his girlfriend? Let’s ask some people here…
- Nice stuff. Honey, we’ll buy you even better things when you are in my country and we are married. Just not today. You know as they say, good things come to those who wait.
- Sweetheart, I don’t believe in buying love. I don’t want my wife to marry me because I bought her gifts. I want my wife to marry me because she likes me and wants to be with me.
- Darling, if you are looking for a relationship and love, I am your man. If you are looking for gifts, I am not. I am not greedy. I am simply experienced and wise. You are sweet but if all you want from me is gifts, we are both wasting our time.
- Baby, gifts are made from the heart. If I feel like this, I will buy you gifts. Right now it’s not how I feel.
- My love, I want to spend time with you and not at the shops. We only have a limited time together now. We’ll have a lifetime to shop together later.
Say it calmly and happily, as if you were rather delighted, in a compassionate, light-hearted way. Don’t sound offended and angry but rather amused and easygoing, as if you were talking to a mischievous child. She is trying to pull a trick on you, and you aren’t buying. Treat it as a test. You are playing chess or checkers, and she made her move. Now, you make yours.
If she gets upset and doesn’t want to see you again, saying she doesn’t like “greedy” men, she was never really interested in you.
Women don’t like and do not respect men they can trick into anything. They like and respect men who know what they want and are not easily manipulated. If she really likes you, she will admire your calm but firm attitude.
How to avoid women-shoppers
Usually the situation with a woman wanting you to pay for her shopping spree arises when you meet in person. Prevent it from happening.
- Make plans in advance what you are going to do when you meet, day by day.
- Ask her if she wants you to bring her some things from your country. If she gives you a list of many things she wants, she is interested in things and not in you.
- If she goes to a shop to try something on, ask her with a sweet smile, “You are not expecting me to pay for this, are you?”
- Before visiting a woman in her home town, upgrade to Ultimate or Platinum membership, so you can contact other girls from the same city, if you have a problem with the lady you are visiting (you may not be able to pay online by card when you are in Russia/Ukraine). This way you can get direct phones/emails of women instantly on Elenas Models site. Search the site beforehand and add potential candidates to your Favorites. Some new ladies will join as well, and you will be able to contact them, too. Having a backup plan will make you more confident and relaxed. If you decide to contact other girls when visiting, simply tell them the lady you came to see only wanted to go shopping. This will weed out any potential “shoppers”.
- If you have a great chemistry with your lady and you are confident she is genuinely attracted to you (see 3 signs that she really likes you), feel free to make a present from the heart. But only do it because you want to do it, and not because she asked for it or in an attempt to buy her affection.
A western guy living in Odessa, Ukraine, pointed out: “Do NOT be afraid to lose a girl… and NO shopping, do NOT let her pick the restaurants and so on… quickly FEEL if she is looking for ALL she can get from you.”
This sums it all: is she after what she can GET — or is she with you because she wants YOU? Asking for presents is definitely a red flag. How my husband said after we had been dating for a few weeks: “You don’t need anything from me… you just need ME.” (He did give me gifts. But I never asked for them.) This is how you want your lady feel about you.
Read also:
- International dating scams and how to avoid them
- Is PPL dating a scam? — Truth about pay-per-letter dating sites
- 58 questions to ask Russian and Ukrainian women when dating
- Dating Russian and Ukrainian women: who pays for the meeting?
>> All articles (in English)
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women in any countr try the same tricks, see what they can get out of you, then toss you aside when they are done
some countrys just have a few more then others
i find age has a lot to do with it also
if they are in there, 30’s or older here, and still single, chances are really good there is a reason for it
Bill, you sound bitter. Women are not “only trying to get things out of you”, and men are not “only after sex”. Both are bitter generalizations. Some men try to use Ukrainian girls for sex tours, and some Ukrainian women try to use western guys for shopping. Both are examples of people having a hidden agenda and not being honest and genuine. There are men and women like this in your country, too. Stay away from users and liars. Be true. Be open. Be honest. Don’t be a user yourself. Don’t think you are smarter/better than other people. Trust your… Read more »
Bill, I live in Kiev and I am planning to take my boyfriend shopping with me anytime. I think, my boyfriend must be a person, who share my interests and lifestyle. I am interested in fashion, that is why I would like to know my boyfriend’ s test, moreover I would like to discuss trends with him and be sure that he will support my interests. Fashion and beauty are the parts of my life, and I would not like to hide this from my boyfriend.
Fox, your boyfriend is not going to be into fashion and beauty, so it’s a lot of B.S.
Do you know any man who is?
Go out with him then.
Elena, I have been reading your comments on various subjects and I like your sincerity. So, I wanted to say “I like you!” Meaning, I respect your answers. You don’t tell “stories” and appear most sincere. Good luck on this site. I am considering being a member because of people like you.
Michael Perry
Michael, thank you for the kind words.
And welcome!
Hi Guys I have had to visits with women from Ukraine, A girl in Lviv and in Zaporazhe. Yulia from Lviv, we both travelled to Krakow for 3 days. I flew and she took the bus, we had been communicating for months and were both looking forward to the trp. i arranged a hotel and paid for excursions we took which i had planned, meals drinks etc. We had a great time, and on our return kept in touch. We then arranged to take a holiday to Coorfu to spend a week with each other to see how we really… Read more »
Lee, there is a difference between being wise and being cheap. I personally detest stingy men but I also abhor men who think they can buy a woman with gifts or money, that she owes him something if he paid for her meal/bought her a gift, or if he feels entitled/better than her if he lives in a better country. You cannot replace building a relationship with gifts. (And if she doesn’t want to have sex with you, she doesn’t really like you… simple as that. Maybe she wants a family/marriage/baby so badly, she will marry anyone who will give… Read more »
I had been communicating with a Lana from Zaporozhe. Is there any way I can find out if she is the same person mentioned in Lees story?
Show her this article? 🙂 🙂
And ask what she thinks.
Lee, Zaporozhe is the small town in Ukraine. It seems to be impossible to organize your trip like in New York or in Vienna. In the small town Zaporozhe the service is less organised and not on the same level like in the popular tourist places. If you are worrying about the prices, however, it is normal to discuss how much money you are planning to spend before your trip , and inform your partner about your expectations. Moreover, you can create a program of your visit and a schedule. Setting expectations is a way to be successful and satisfied… Read more »
Guys, this is just an example of “reasoning” (brainwashing) you may be subjected to.
No need to argue or prove anything.
Dating customs in Ukraine/Russia aren’t that different from the ones in your country.
Just say, “NO, we aren’t going shopping and I am not buying you gifts. Now, are we done or do you still want to get to know me?”
I agree with Lana. I am very generous, but over the years women will take advantage if you let them. So, I made it clear what my intentions. I never dated a lady outside the U.S. but I will tell you this…openness if the most affective way to avoid the pitfalls of women asking you to buy stuff. Maybe they are checking to see if you are cheap or a giving person. But women will appreciate a guy if he is clear and open and they often test you to see if you are cheap and if you are, they… Read more »
Hello Elena, I’m sorry this may have been an incorrect thread, it was solely to state the experiences I had relating to shopping. I am also not sure if I had explained in specific detail enough for my point to come across. Also please note I am dyslexic, I just read back the latter part of my post which I realise sounds damning to Lana. Please ignore that latter part as it is not what I think nor intended. So I must apologise for my little rant there Please let me assure you that I did not try to buy… Read more »
Lee, you may not know it but it’s customary in Eastern Europe for visitors to bring a small gift for every person they meet (or expect to meet). In other words, you are expected (it’s just good manners) to bring a small present for your lady, her parents, siblings etc. If you didn’t, and only gave her a present for her birthday, it may be seen by Russians/Ukrainians as being “cheap”. If you are visiting a person’s home, you are supposed to bring something for the table (a box of candies, a bottle of wine, a bunch of flowers etc).… Read more »
I took a woman from this site on a Mediterranean cruise. I gladly paid for the entire trip including her airline ticket. On the ship there were several shops and at each city were ported we walked by many shops. The woman loved to shop and she was not afraid to ask for things. After buying her a couple of reasonable items I had to put a stop to her purchases. I told her that she was not my wife and that I can not buy her whatever she likes. I told her I do not like saying no to… Read more »
Barry, I agree with you totally. To me, any woman asking for presents or taking you shopping should be told “No” immediately, no need to tiptoe around it. I never did it and I know my friends never would. Women who learn to measure a man’s affection in presents seek something that doesn’t exist, they need to sort out their own inner demons first. If you can buy her affection by buying presents, it would be simpler to get an escort. So, my view — no purchases “on demand”, no matter how cheap or expensive. “I will make you presents… Read more »
Also be careful when they play with you manhood. They tell you”: ‘A real man should do this or that. A real man pays for everything’. In this part of the world men pay for everything. Sure if you love that person or is into a relationship it’s normal. First date maybe but not always. It take 2 to tango & 2 to make a life & a child. Women have their part to play in love, relationship & financially also. In eastern part when life isn’t easy ‘many’ will try to take advantage of you. So be on your… Read more »
Dudes, you worked hard all your life for this money & achievement (ticket, hotels, energy, patience & so on) to afford a trip to go there. Many of you will venture for the first time & into an unknown world & culture. So don’t waste it. Be clear to have some mutual understanding & expectations before your trip. If it’s too good to be true then there’s something fishy. What you see on Skype or FB/VK can be fake. Stories can be made up. Don’t be afraid to say no as you dudes have balls. A handful women on this… Read more »
Guys, I totally agree. We work hard to get rid of any types of scammers but this kind that never ask for money but ambush you to buys “gifts”, they are harder to discover. As a rule of thumb: a genuine woman has great hesitations to ask a man for anything (they expect you to know and do it yourself; in their books if she has to ask, it doesn’t count). I remember the first time my future husband asked me if I wanted him to bring me something from overseas, I was so shy, I said “No, I don’t… Read more »
Great article for the young. If you have been around the block a few times, you will soon learn not to mingle your heart with your wallet. Yes, it cost money to buy gifts, but you can’t buy the person’s heart.
Keep yourself out of trouble and remember this adage, “If it cost a dollar to make a friend, forget the friend. If it cost a friend to make a dollar, forget the dollar”.
Be yourself, and trust your instincts.
Great saying.
I think a single flower can be a good present. Guys, if you can not manage the situation with gifts, with trip, how are you plan to manage a family life? In every day life there are lot of problems, lot of tasks… And if you can not explain your point of view on gifts, on spending money, you can not explain your views, I think your communication skills are not developed. Guys, instead of thinking of saving money, take a look on yourself. At least I suggest you to read a book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”… Read more »
Fox, unfortunately, there are too many clever pretty girls in Ukraine right now (particularly in Odessa) who are earning a living by placing ads on dating sites, inviting suitors over, and immediately on their arrival taking them to a shopping mall to buy heaps of “presents”. (Read a report by Daniel here in comments to the article) I love shopping sprees and gifts myself (who doesn’t?), but if I realized this would prevent me from finding The Right Man for me, I would gladly refuse to go shopping, even if a man offered. (In fact, when my first husband, then… Read more »
I had the same experience here in California with a woman I met through an online dating site. She asked me to buy her shoes on our first date. I was gullible and bought her the shoes. She wanted me to buy her an iPhone on the next date. Believe me, there was no 3rd date.
Elena I have some questions. I was in Odessa Ukraine for 5 days , then I went to Zaporozhye where I met my girl. I spent 6 days with her. I asked her almost every day to meet her parents. However she told me we should first spend a few days together ourselves. The firs night that we had dinner togeather we took a few pictures together. However by the second night she told me that her mom said it was not a good idea to take pictures together as we both have high moral values. Also one of the… Read more »
Henry, how much was the age difference between you?
My girl is 3 or 4 months older then I am.
I think you have a good chance to meet someone.
Why this girl decided to disconnect may be because she hadn’t truly considered immigration, didn’t feel it was real to find someone. Many women (and men) join but don’t wholeheartedly believe they can really meet someone. When it happens, they are unprepared. This is why it’s always a good idea to talk about what families think about their search for a partner abroad, how she sees herself in your country, what does she know about it (and many other questions). It makes her think about these things beforehand.
No self-respecting woman would afford herself behaving like that. In my opinion, it’s much worse than even the prostitution. To prevent falling in love with these women, try not to be enchanted by their beauty. First of all, you need to find out whether your girl posesses the qualities that you appreciate or not. Notice details – all about her interests, behavior, point of view. I believe that it’s not difficult to distinguish a shallow person. Not at all.
I agree with Adelaide1 that a woman who wishes serious relationships and who plans to marry a foreigner will never behave this way. First of all, because it’s looks grimly and shows her real intentions – to get as much money as possible from a man and then find another. To check such a woman you may ask her for help and see how she will behave. Most likely she will disappear.
For me it is awful when a woman asks a foreigner to go shopping to buy things for her! There is really no such custom in Russia or Ukraine! It is O’K when guys pay for a woman in a restaurant, cinema or museum, but not for purchases! Russian or Ukrainian men do not do that except that they want to buy a present for their beloved. But that is a different situation. I think there are such women in every country and it is very important to identify them from the very beginning before the feelings are deep enough.
It’s always a kind of roulette that you’ll meet a person who wants your money, but not you. And you should know the traits of the person you’re looking for, and look for these traits in the woman you have actually met.
Why women shopping is so painful for men? Not all Ukrainian women like to use rich men.For example, I can buy for myself something and no оne man isn`t necessary for me in this purpose , but also it isn’t necessary to be such greedy.Of course they should pay attention to the woman, but everything has to be moderately.
I have already realized that the woman, who I met with, needs only my money, not me. Why must I be mild, polite and diplomatic with her? Of course, scandals aren’t necessary either. The most reasonable way out, I think, is simply to turn and go away, in silence.
Alexander, you are right, this would be what a Ukrainian man would do if a woman took him shopping and expected to buy her a bunch of expensive things. Because there are plenty of other girls who want a boyfriend. But a person who is naturally polite always gives another human being a chance to “save face”, so to speak, or hopefully make amends, although in this case, it’s quite unlikely. Naturally, every man does what he feels is right, but some guys are so inexperienced, they don’t know what to do or say.
Alexander, anyway, you should be ready to discus the shopping and other things with your future wife. If you are planning to marry a Ukrainian /Russian women you should know, that probably you will be responsible to pay her living costs for the first time in your country. That means that every day you will be asked to buy something. It is better to prepare yourself to discussion on the shopping theme BEFORE marriage, In family life man and women have to come to an agreement on the questions of money, credits, buying of car, vacations… If you realized that… Read more »
There is such category of women who are looking not for real love or friendship but only for money. And when they meet foreigner their only task is to take as much as possible. I think that real love is when you want to present something to your beloved instead of asking to buy you something.
This situation is really twofold. Of course, if a girl on a first date pulls you shopping it looks weird. But if you are in a long-term relationship, you can and agree on such an adventure, but remember that everything should be in moderation.
Shopping is sometimes like a best friend for a woman. I love it too. Sometimes my dad shocked how much I can just buy. But I never take guys or dad for shopping with me. I think this is not a male occupation. If he is my boyfriend, he must trust my taste and admire me, and no matter what I would have dressed. But if he wants make me a gift and choose me clothes of course I will be delighted and grateful to him.
Do Ukranian/Russian women get offended if you propose marriage with a Prenupcial agreement? What are the chances that she will accept or dump you?
Any woman (or man) will be offended if you propose marriage with a prenuptial agreement. Because it means you do not believe her, you are unsure it’s true love, you think the other person may try to take advantage of you, or you are trying to take advantage of them. Imagine her agreeing to your marriage proposal but requesting to be paid $100,000 for each year she is married to you. How would this feel? Having said that, I believe that prenuptial agreements are a good thing, as long as they protect interests of both parties and not just skewed… Read more »
I can understand how a woman will not like the idea of a prenup, however, let’s phrase it the other way around using an example pf a woman in the Ukraine and a man in the U.S.. Let’s assume for the example that the woman has very well given the average income there and has a net worth of $50,000. Now let’s look at a man in say the U.S. who has a net worth of $500,000. It would be rather hard to not skew the prenup terms given the 10 to 1 disparity in assets no? Is it fair… Read more »
John, Let’s also look at the situation from the other side: a man could also simply use a young woman as a mother of his children and then divorce her shortly after. She spent her youth and health on producing his offspring, and may be left with nothing (if the prenup has been set up this way). This wouldn’t be too fair, would it? It may also happen that after 5-7 years her wealthy 50-something husband decides he doesn’t like her anymore, and wishes to acquire a “newer model”. With wealthy men preferring to date 20-something girls, she would have… Read more »
That’s a fair point Elena and that never crossed my mind as I do not think that way. If the man were just using the woman for sex, house chores and as a child bearer then I agree that what you say makes sense. On the last one, that’s why there are child support laws to protect the children though. For me, I know that my intentions are true and I want to find the love of my life. I am here because I am not happy with American women anymore so I’m expanding my reach if you will. If… Read more »
John, Child support is for the children. In that case, the man tried to take away the children from the mother, and gain 100% custody — together with the prenup stating she will have to leave with “what she came with”. It’s not a story, I know the family personally. Don’t think there are only women trying to take advantage of men, in fact, it’s the other way around most of the time. Women may have to come back to Russia or Ukraine with absolutely nothing, leaving the children behind with the father, because they didn’t manage to get custody… Read more »
Honestly to say, those women who ask their boyfriends or husbands to buy some presents for them are not really patient and tolerant. If I were a foreigner with such girlfriend, I would have ended up a relationship with her from the first day. And from my point of view, most of men think so. To crown it all, I can only advice such women to learn some rules of etiquette!
I really liked reading this article. I think it makes a lot of sense. I will keep it all in my mind when I do come visit.