There are questions that every man asks himself. With online dating, this age-old question is: “Why women don’t answer?” I know it because I have been asked why women don’t respond, in one form or another, since Elena’s Models launch in 1999.
After working in the dating industry for 15 years, and having some personal experience in addition to the collective wisdom of female forums and discussion boards, I can confidently tell you why women don’t answer. Because they aren’t interested! It may sound unkind, but in reality they are not replying because they do not want to hurt your feelings. They feel that if they do not respond, you cannot feel bad about it, as compared to her responding and telling you she is not interested.
That’s the general rule, but several scenarios may be in play.
Bad previous experience
It may happen that at some point a lady has answered “No” to a guy, and he completely flipped and sent her an angry response, telling her that she is ugly and prudish, and stupid, and lots of other unpleasant things, wishing her to burn in the dating hell. Unfortunately, there are still some idiots out there, and things like this do happen. (This comes from my personal experience as well as communal, so don’t think it’s an isolated case and people like this are rare. Unfortunately, they are not!)
Most women are afraid of confrontation. So, if something like this happened to a girl, she will not want to ever be in a situation like this again. Some women (not all but some) may stop answering men they are not directly interested in. It may not be your personality or looks; she may simply be looking for something different. Not all women spell out all their requirements in their profiles, so she may have some particular requirement that is too personal to include in the public profile on the site.
She has already connected with someone
It may also happen that a lady replied to your initial letter or expression of interest (EOI) but didn’t respond to any following communication. Why this happens? It may be she has already met someone she became very interested in, online on the dating site or maybe even in real life. It can happen very quickly, literally within minutes from her answering your message. Our site ElenasModels.com offers online chat, which users love, and it’s easy to connect with someone quickly. She could have talked to someone for an hour, and then decided to pursue this particular communication.
While some people take months to decide who they want to choose to write a letter to, other people choose on the spur of the moment, who they want to have a relationship with. The younger is the person, the faster they usually make decisions.
Site abandonment
Next, some people register on a site but never use it again. They might have registered simply because they were curious and wanted to have a look at photos of other members, or they decided to join but later changed their minds. You probably remember some websites where you have registered but never used them again. So, it’s not uncommon. At some websites the abandonment rate is as high as 90-95%. On Elena’s Models, it’s much lower, varying between 10-30% for women and 20-50% for men. In case you are wondering, yes, women also write to men and they do not answer, and ladies have the same question, why?
If you were looking for a job, and sent out a bunch of resumes, how may responses would you get? It wouldn’t be 100% for sure, no matter what wonderful specialist you are and how well you fit the job description. It’s the same situation here. You can sensibly presume that if the woman hasn’t answered, then the answer is, “No”.
How to get women to answer
But what if you really liked a lady and want to get her response anyway? First, watch her coming online. Second, send your message (which should be nice, thoughtful, funny and very personal, relating to her profile) once she is online. Send both an EOI and an email. Send a chat request. In your email, remember to include a phrase that you would like to get her answer anyway, whether she liked you or not. Translate your message with the help of the online translator (available on Elena’s Models for free) and send it both in English and Russian, placing the translation on top of the English version. This will increase your chances to get a response.
Good luck in your communication!
Read more:
- 12 tricks to get women’s responses
- How to marry a woman 25 years younger
- How to write to a woman on a dating site
- 5 approaches to finding The One
>> See all BLOG articles (in English)
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Hi Elena i like very of your website! but some ladies like-me very demanding and pride(the most atractive) in special from Moscow or Kiev . I’m beautiful,no have vices,no criminals records,have an average job,the best intentions… in 2011 i passed for your website and saw changed many things.so i never receive a lot negative EOI!! i think who is very demandig must be alone,sincerely the great parcel from this ladies want in deep is one man full of Money! and more in your website you put: why women search marriage abroad? and with many testemonials: Russian men be drunkers,without romantism,no… Read more »
Hi, I understand you contacted one lady and she disagrees with testimonials of other members. Certainly, the reason why a certain person decides to join a dating site may be different from the reasons why other people have done it. In general, my view on the reason why women from Ukraine and Russia seek men abroad is that they couldn’t find the right man at home. If they could find the right man, they probably would prefer to remain in their own countries. The situation with alcohol consumption and other matters you mentioned depends on the location, age, and many… Read more »
Specially for you Guilherme, in response to your point why women from Moscow or Kiev seek men abroad. (It’s translated from the women’s branch of this conversation, why they do not answer men) … [by Olga] We have very few men who can be relied upon and too many men who are jobless, irresponsible, lying at home on the sofa drinking beer. We have such a demographic situation where a man can find a woman at any age (and he has a lot of choice), and a woman, especially after 35-40 years and if she has a child, cannot really… Read more »
Its absolutely true! If we dont answer, usually we are not interested , but dont want to hurt somebody.
If a woman is interested she always finds time to answer. The same about man)
Some excellent advice but I don’t think planning a contrived approach with the specific intent of soliciting a response is ultimately achieving anything constructive ? As Sviatlana and Elena both point out …. and it is obvious if you consider it thoughtfully and objectively … If a woman is interested she will find the time to respond or initiate contact – just like we do. This by the way is a great way to tell that this site is genuine … the profile I put on RLM before coming to my senses would receive 150 new emails every single day… Read more »
I agree in this point,is don’t easy for me or us send only Not interested! maybe hurt the other side,i would like to other side listen:not interested i’m sorry
have good luck,i’m matching with other person…
.i received many not interested too,and when don’t receive some ladies prefer dont answer-me,for some people be pragmatic whit feelings is easy for others hard,some choices of life is single, others no…..
I just do not understand why EOI’s are not answered or responded to. They should be seen as a compliment by the recipient and treated as such. It only takes a second to send the “polite no” and should serve as a courtesy. We are all grown up here. Well most people seem to be. And it is ok to be let down gently. I personally am quite willing to understand that not everyone that I send interest to will like or even want to communicate with me. Best to have a response rather than it be completely ignored. I… Read more »
…….continued. rather get the feeling sometimes that some people just like to receive the attention and “play the games”. It all rather becomes a waste of time and indeed money. Surely when a lady receives an EOI and responds positively she is inviting further communication and not to respond in anyway is just pure bad manners. It rather makes me somewhat suspicious of motives and I wonder whether anyone else feels this?
Steve, thanks for the comprehensive comment. Ladies read the blog, too, so it would be interesting to hear their opinions. I will post an entry in women’s blog and link to this one. One possible answer is that women registered but didn’t come back to the site, as I mentioned in the post, or already met someone. While I agree with you that it would be polite to answer but I certainly do not respond to every email that arrives in my Inbox.
Elena, thanks for those comments but it really does leave me asking a lot of questions. I am sorry but I just cannot accept that so many ladies just sign up to the site, leave a profile only for all of them to then suddenly meet someone so quickly that they have no time to write, or to even or consider corresponding with someone else. Why do they not take down their profile? Surely the ladies too sign up for a specific time period? EOI’s of course cost nothing. Contact Credits do!! So why respond if there is not the… Read more »
Steve, thank you for all your comments. Check my answer to your previous post. We are not a police to order women to answer or to request men to follow up on their promises to girls. We check the profiles, always follow up on members’ requests and concerns, and keep improving the system. That’s our job. Communication and establishing relationships is not.
Mrs. Elena, we’ll have to talk about some problems openly. I find some of the Steve’s comments reasonable. Some women (not all of them) do not take this site seriously. They’re not scammers, it’s just the site is free for them and they’re not very motivated. Some use it as if it is a Facebook. Others just like the attention and are not really looking for anyone. But the worst ones are those who don’t care about it. They are logging in like once in 100 years. Some haven’t logged for 3 months, but they’re counted as “available”. I’m not… Read more »
It’s a pointless discussion. I can point you to at least 2 dozen profiles of men on our site that state, “I don’t believe it’s going to work but decided to give it a try”. Go through men’s profiles, and there are plenty of people who haven’t logged in for 60-90 days but still have profiles on our dating site, haven’t deleted or hid them. Your comments are quite clear: you do not like how our site works. Then stop using it. Go elsewhere. Find the site that works to your liking. Isn’t it the smart thing to do? Yes,… Read more »
Found this very interesting to read Steve. I have only been a member about a week and have already experienced the EOI, EOI reply, e-mail, no response scenario. Glad I didn’t spend hours trying to write the perfect letter!! But is that why I got no response?? If so, then it is clearly the non-paying lady members on this site who have the upper hand…They can pick and choose until someone ticks all the boxes. I would like to think I can open a written relationship with someone on this site without writing war and peace to get things started… Read more »
Guys, you are RIGHT!
You need to go to pay-per-letter sites and rather pay there, and get 100% “guaranteed” responses to your mails! No matter what you write, or the age difference, or pictures in your profile — no matter anything, you will keep getting responses for as long as you pay! Enjoy your “pre-paid” correspondence there. It’s so much simpler than having to deal with real relationships and put an effort.
I can’t understand, what are you doing here? 😉 😉 😉
For Elena and Steve! for you steve i have the same trouble i’m gold memder have 50 contacts,but more or less 38! accepted my EOI(positive) i sent mails, and after the ladies never more return-me!disappeared! 3 dont go ahead…. 2 was scammers! yes Elena,you can believe! sent my private mail out of your website,they tell-me sad historyes and 1ª ask-me if i can help with money in your travel to meet-me in my land!!!!!!the profile i advice and was removed orf your website. the 2° is suspect,i advice for Gee in help desk,with the 2º appear in my private mail… Read more »
Absolutely agree Guilherme!! I am glad it is not only me! So lets hear from others!! Listen I have no unreal expectations. I am not so unrealistic to think that everyone that I send an EOI to is either going to reply, respond either in a positive, negative way or even at all. After all not everyone was brought up to be polite and act in a way that they would wish to be treated themselves! ) It is a fact of life. If you say send 100 EOI’s and get a positive response from say 10 then I think… Read more »
Steve, it’s all very personal. If you are over 50 and contacting girls in their 20’s, response rates will be low. Even if they are positive at first (because girls have just registered and don’t know what to expect), they will figure it out pretty quickly and may choose someone else. Eventually, most men and women select 1 person to go ahead with. “Success formula” based on numbers of initial responses is unrealistic because you are talking about personal relationships. Finding and maintaining connections is 100% personal. Forming a successful relationship is not based around statistics. Going to a bar… Read more »
Elena, thank you for both your comments and advice. With regard to age, I have a very open mind. When I have had success here it has been across a wide age range. But I suppose like a large number of your male members there is a large appeal in the fact that ladies from Russia, Ukraine and other such countries are quite ready to accept a bigger age difference than what is the norm at home. Whilst I accept that the forming of relationships cannot be based on statistics I am a big believer in the law of averages.… Read more »
…….continued) saving this and using it on someone that will want to formulate an ongoing relationship. Of course impossible to do and so still you just send of your letter and hope. An EOI is exactly what it says it is. Expression of Interest. It is sent and if received favourably it opens up the possibility of ongoing communication. Otherwise why have it in the first place? Presumably it saves the trouble of sending literally hundreds of letters out to people that you would never have the chance of receiving a response from. But getting back to the point again.… Read more »
We keep going around in circles.
Are you suggesting that we should delete instantly profiles of all women (and men) who failed to respond to a mail from a member? Oblige members to continue communication with every person if they responded positively to their EOI?
If you want “guaranteed” responses to every mail, there is plenty of websites that will entertain you for a mere $1/message.
Maybe try a different approach if what you are doing isn’t working?
And at the end of the day you are a business woman, and not in it just for the love of it correct Elena? So of course you will recommend platinum membership.
Fundamentally, this business was founded on the basis of my own experience in moving countries to form a relationship. If is difficult and daunting, but the end result is worth it! Over the years, we have developed a platform to make it more effective and enjoyable for our users. Our intention is to give the correct advice to our customers about what will give them the best value for money and best results – and also have fun along the way! We have been doing it since 1999, and I can categorically state that if you have unlimited methods to… Read more »
Guilherme, have you thought about how your profile on the site affects your response rate and following communication? If you have 2 bad quality photos and a poorly written profile, women will make conclusions. We have had men from Brazil, Mexico, South Africa and other countries on the site who were successful (check the Testimonials section). But what is common for all men who were successful is that they had good profiles with happy, smiling photos, and clear and positive message. If you feel contacting 50 women isn’t enough for you, try Platinum membership with unlimited contacts. Take it as… Read more »
ok Elena i agree with you, you’re right! my pictures are bad,is necessary i change my presentation as well, but this can not be a reason for me to receive 38 positive expressions of interest and then these ladies disappear, then I lose my contacts. and these ladies can send you how many will they want (positive interest free and can dissapear), and the problem is ours? i thank you for your attention, and i will change my profile, but i think you must change some rules too, agree? have a nice day!
Good point
Guys, we are not changing the rules! We work like this since 1999 and have thousands of real marriages on our records. Get Platinum and stop worrying about contacts. Or don’t get Platinum and keep worrying. It’s up to you. Don’t complain that you didn’t get the free champagne if you haven’t purchased a first-class ticket.
…
About getting answers from women, check these articles:
Hello guys,
I am very sorry that sometimes you don’t get any replies ((
It could be a number of reasons why women don’t reply, starting from not interested till being away from a computer.
Not every woman is reasonable. More than that, not everyone is determined to pursue this long and difficult path of finding a partner on a site.
Good luck!
Ok thank you Lilias!
Hi Elena, Steve and Co….. I was just reading the comments made above. I can sympathize with the men losing $$ when the girl has wasted their time and money and not followed through with her positive EOI. (It’s like gambling your dollars away) I have also experienced this. As I have been reading more about women’s behaviour in general in regard to dating and life is that “Women” don’t respond to how we (men) think they “should” respond. Women go more on “feeling” as most women don’t know what they want and they can change their minds like the… Read more »
Elena only you can help-me! about one lady,she keep your profile in your website but in a for long time don’t see your e-mails,or visit the website.in 2011 we have one good correspondence,(if you can help-me i will explain in more details for you)i want only advice for her: you have one important e-mail in your inbox! only this… maybe she don’t remember for-me,but i never forget hers,so i wait your answer,thanks!
Please log into your account and send a message through Help Desk with ID number.
We asked women why they don’t answer men? Here is what they said
(the discussion is in Russian)
Women don’t answer for exactly the same reason men don’t answer. Everyone is on this site with a certain partner in mind – it might be that she is 24 to 28, slim, brown hair, speaks some English etc. For her it might be that he is educated, under 40, in Australia or the UK and healthy. Then we receive an expression of interest slightly outside of that, or even within those parameters. We feel a little bit pleased with ourself and accept it. But often that energy is gone within the first letter. Perhaps our first letter wasn’t as… Read more »
I would have to agree with Elena on this. Maybe I am in the minority on my opinion. But isn’t paying extra to find your life partner worth the money?! Come on now… we are talking about your life partner, not a car. So paying for the platinum membership with unlimited contacts is reasonable. I like this site in that they don’t change per email, per contact once you go platinum. And no, I do not work for EM 🙂 And men, when you are viewing profile, do not imagine yourself with her or how your life will be with… Read more »
I am a girl and an active member of this site and wanted to reply regarding why I send No or dont reply to EOI right away. So basically things that turn me off in profile a lot would be – 1) poor pictures quality, especially if there is like one or two where you cant really see a person and make a personal opinion: 2) description that has statements about scams, being lied to or all kinds of negativity and judgemental statements about women, about being ukrainian or russian in general. Especially those about money. You can read acticles… Read more »
Also I have forgotten to say that sometimes I answer an EOI but after I get a letter I dont reply, which is most likely for these reasons – 1) the message is too short and is something like Hi how are you? I find it insulting that a person did not take time to write a proper letter and thinks this is a chat or something. 2) copy pasted message that is basically repeating your profile. Thanks i already read it and wanted to see something personal about why you liked me, what makes you think we could match… Read more »
Hi, really need some advice [ Badly ] I have booked a holiday for 15 nights in Odessa which I booked before meeting a lady from there. This lady has told me she will meet me when I arrive in August, however if she doesn’t meet me it will not be the end of my life, however I would like to ask you if it would be wise for me to travel to Odessa alone which I always do, having been to Cuba etc alone. Would it be safe to go to the bars night clubs on my own? What… Read more »
It’s not all reasons why women don’t answer in online communication. For example if woman had previous unsuccesfull expiriense she wouldn’t have any contacts in online but on the other side women want to get some succes from online especially if she pay money for this
There are so many reasons! Don’t make things too difficult! If a girl doesn’t answer just try to write again! It is not a problem! Really!
Dear Elena I was reading the comments. these men that are complaining themselves are not really serious about getting married themselves. The sound like they are a bunch of game players. Anyway i am getting ready to join your site. I have spent about a month on the net learning about Russian dating sites. { I have been burned one too many time by American women and now have decided to go overseas} reading reviews and doing my research and let me say out of the top three I narrowed it down to Elena’s Models is the best site out… Read more »
Hi Jim,
Thanks for the support and good luck in your search! 🙂
Positivity is ultimately attractive.
Women are happy to answer men they like.
I wish I read this dicussion before becoming a paid-member here. Even the ladies that sent me EOI first don’t respond to my messages. These are the people that already saw my profile and decided to send EOI. I accepted it, put time in writting a message. I have no response. This is not OK. Worse, siteowner thinks this is not a problem. In western world, we as men are fine with no. Even if ladies don’t respond to EOI, this is fine for me as I will consider it to be a polite no. However, it is a problem,… Read more »
Ferdi,
Read this post as well: Why Russian women don’t answer your mails and what to do about it.
And if you are unhappy with Elena’s Models, please ask for a refund through Help Desk.
Try PPL (paid correspondence) sites, there you will always get a response.