Dating women who are much younger or men who are older could be exciting. The more different you are, the more new things you can discover. However, in long-term relationships such as marriage issues of age difference could cause misunderstandings.
People enjoy dissimilar things at different ages. For example, a 50-year-old guy would struggle to party all night long, dancing and drinking, while 20-year-olds think it’s the best thing on Earth.
I am getting lots of comments every time I mention age difference in a marriage or a relationship with a view to build a long-term partnership.
I realize that one of the reasons why guys come to Russian dating sites like Elenasmodels.com is because they wish to date younger girls. Some of them desire to have a family and going through IVF treatments with a more mature potential mother is not something they fancy for themselves.
There are gentlemen who had a family before but lost it due to a divorce, and others who never had kids but realized they actually wanted to have an offspring, after all.
If you are a male in the age bracket of 30-45, you can easily find a partner in countries of the former USSR with a view to a long-term partnership, marriage, and creation of a family. It is the best age to meet the Russian woman of your dreams.
But if you are older, every year works against you. I’ve had conversations with men stating that if they are unable to find what they are looking for (a bride 25 years younger), they would rather simply stay single for life. I respect this view, however, chances are it’s going to become a reality — are you genuinely ready to never have a romantic partner? Don’t you actually want someone to love who genuinely adores you back? Or is having a giant age difference more important than being loved?
Fantasising about a perfect young beauty who is devoted to you unconditionally is great. The same goes for girls daydreaming about a Prince Charming on a White Stallion. Until you settle down with someone real, the fantasy is alive.
Certainly, dating a girl who is 25 years younger could be exciting.
PPL “Russian brides” sites are making a fortune selling this fantasy. It’s much easier to sell a delusion than to sell the reality (think weight loss pills as opposed to exercise boot camp vouchers) — and genuine romantic connections require work from both sides. Selling promises and sweet words generated through online communication is much easier.
“Yes, honey, the age difference doesn’t matter. I actually prefer older, more mature guys. I cannot stop thinking of you. I cannot sleep dreaming about you.”
Easy sell.
Much harder to sell the reality. After working in the industry of international dating for over a decade, I am convinced that any man (who wants his relationship to work and not to be constantly terrified of heading for another divorce within 5-8 years) should limit the age gap by 15 years, and it’s still pushing the boundaries.
In the USA, even 7 years is considered too large a gap. In Russia or Ukraine, if you are under 45, girls are not worried about the age difference. Even 18-year-olds are happy to chat to you. (Would they be content to stick with you forever is an entirely different matter. Even though they may think so when they are 18, at 30 their views on life change. You know that.)
Russian ladies are fine with an age gap up to 10-15 years. If your goal number is beyond such limits, stick to dating and enjoy your adventures. Or be ready for a potential marriage breakdown and being kind to your youthful wife if (when) it happens.
I am not against relations with any age difference, as long as both people are happy. But if one person becomes unhappy and the other person is trying to limit their freedom of choice and ability to enjoy life, then it’s a terrible situation for both partners. Both are unhappy. Plus, if there are children, it’s also a direct impact on them.
The answer to the question whether you are with the right person or not is simple.
“Would you choose the same person to marry if you were choosing a partner today?”
If both of you can honestly give a positive answer to this question today and 10-15 years down the line, you have a happy marriage.
Almost everybody wants to love someone who genuinely adores him back.
Read also:
- Age difference in couples — seeking an ideal?
- Preferred Age Difference in Long-Term Relationships and Marriages — Research
- How to marry a woman 25 years younger
- The Easy Way of Dating Hot Russian Girls
As a 50 years old man, I approve this article. But not entirely. Age matters only to a certain point, if the fundamentals are present. By that, I mean physical shape. I go to the gym every other day which means I’m training between 4 to 8 hours a week. Each week. At my gym, there are maybe 5 to 10 guys like me, out of 1000 users of that specific gym. I work with people the same age as me: they all have a beer belly or some kind of fat. I don’t. I benchpress,squat, and practice MMA. In… Read more »
Charles, The best age difference in marriage and dating is not the same thing. – When you are dating, age difference doesn’t matter. Really. It just adds more fun. – In a marriage, however, especially if you intend to have kids, age difference is crucial. Your younger wife will change her views about your age difference, guaranteed. You don’t have to listen to me, of course. Just realize: if you are marrying a woman who is more than 15 years younger than you, get ready for a divorce within 5-10 years. Be ready to deal with this situation at any… Read more »
Elena, I beg to differ. According to http://folk.uio.no/torkildl/divnet/Papers/WilsonSmallwood.pdf there is no evidence of correlation between age gap and divorce. I quote “While there is some evidence of small variations in the proportion of marriages that end in divorce by age difference, there does not seem to be evidence of a strong association.” You can also check this: https://www.quora.com/How-does-marriage-age-gap-correlate-with-likelihood-of-divorce I quote from the top answer “Marriage and relationship educators may find it useful to know that regarding marriage, a notable age difference between spouses (or potential spouses) does not necessarily create a cause for concern” Of course other studies show the… Read more »
Charles, “I think a woman who is marrying someone 15-20 years older than her knows exactly what she does.” – No, she doesn’t. Has she been married before to someone 20 years older? Then she doesn’t. It’s like a girl who never had sex, how does she know what it’s going to be like? If the man and the woman are from different countries, she doesn’t even know what awaits her in the country. Anyway, I don’t want to argue. Marry whomever you want, young, old, it’s totally up to you. It’s your life, not mine. Are you dating someone… Read more »
I think I agree with you, Elena. My oldest sister is 60, now. She’s been living with a man for almost 12 years now, and they have a 16 year age gap. She said last week, that when she was 48, him being 64 was no big deal. Now that she’s 60, he’s beginning to have health problems, and she has health problems of her own. It’s not nearly as easy as it was even five years ago. She doesn’t regret living with him, as he’s still quite active and youthful despite his health issues, but there has definitely been… Read more »
It’s all about lust Elena. The power of lust has always clouded the better judgment of people. It’s difficult for men and women who are “into” these relationships with wide age gaps to conclude that neither party within such a relationship is being fair to the other. One party is robbed of their youth, while the other party is robbed of confronting their mortality. It’s a tragedy actually… the younger generation are in a hurry to grow up while the older generation refuse to grow up. The end result is nobody knows how to live anymore because they do not… Read more »
Andrew, you have made many good points about the essence of relationships, marriages with a large age difference. To me the best age difference is 4 years or less, which is what researchers have found to be the most stable. For some reason, plenty of guys believe a younger woman will make them happier. It’s not only lust but also the fact they want kids. Social proof and the desire to “show” others what a trophy he managed to acquire is also a factor.
Thank you Elena… I figure that an age gap of about 5 to 7 years for a married couple isn’t too terribly outrageous. But when the gap pushes out to a decade or more, at some point in the marriage the difference is going to be felt negatively. For those people who believe they can make a marriage work with someone half their age and somehow manage to keep the peace, more power to them I guess.
I agree with Charles and others with same view point about both being active and staying in shape and thus having same daily goals and aspirations sought after to achieve personal success and happiness and that in a potential significant other. But I also agree with you Elena and Andrew and others on your stance about thinking about the fantasy and actually living it in real life to its penultimate conclusion. If true chemistry and attraction are there, then dating in love turns to falling in love and marry each other because you know you will stay in love for… Read more »
Elena
I’ve read many of you posts. It’s interesting that in the past you would sometime use studies to validate your point. Charles presented a study to validate his point. You initial response is that you don’t want to argue. The bottom line is marriages are failing regardless of age differences. With no age difference there is a high divorce rate. This site has a large % of young, divorced people. At the end of the day if you find someone that brings you joy, go for it, enjoy the ride, nothing is guaranteed in life.
Paul, there are plenty of studies that show with an increased age difference the probability of a marriage break down increases. But it’s pointless to point to studies about death rate to smokers, or about failed marriages to men who dream of kids with a young wife. So, of course, you will do what you want to do, regardless. Just before you proceed, ask yourself: will you be able to be fair and contented when it breaks down? Will you be able to co-parent? (If you attemp to take away the kids from your young ex-wife, kids will grow mentally… Read more »
I’m not trying to argue with you, no pun intended. The questions you listed should be for anyone getting married because the failure rate is high regardless of age difference. A 22 year old married to someone the same age would probably end in failure. They’re still trying to find themselves. Similarly that 22 year old has no business marrying a 50 year old. Looking at this site you will find a high % of women 25 to 35, divorced with multiple kids. They probably married someone in their age range. What do you tell them? The real question is… Read more »
Do they even want a marriage? Or do they want a dream or “the thing” that the society tells them they should get? What I see in a lot of girls, including the ones that are happy about a marriage with a large age difference, they seek a “husband” not a suitable partner. Their first question is, “Does he have serious intentions?” Their second question is, “Can he provide for a family?” The question “Is he the right type of person for me?” is not even in the top 10. She gets all her boxes ticked and ends up with… Read more »
It still amazes me this fight of men in late 40’s and 50’s about keeping up with younger women and even talking about having children with younger women , because, as they put it is normal to do it that way . IS evolution, baby. Charles, no is not evolution. If you are 50 and you don’t have kids, find someone that doesn’t want them. Maybe you can keep up with a younger wife for some years, but at that gym that takes care of your body they do not teach you how to overcome the emotional weight of fatherhood.… Read more »
Attempting to date girls who are young enough to be one’s daughters and/or granddaughters is a colossal exercise in total futility. Whatever common ground may be discovered between two people with such a tremendous age gap is rarely, if ever, substantive. Older guys look to younger women to reclaim their youth and virility, and younger women look to older guys for a sense of security and stability in their lives. This is all understandable. As a 47 year old single guy, never married, I struggle with the age difference thing myself. More than I care to admit sometimes. Reality however… Read more »
I am 55. I want a family. A woman in San Francisco once said, “Find a woman your own age,” and I replied, “I tried to, but they were all with older men.” Coming up in a Liberal bastion, I encountered a lot of toxic feminism, downright anger at men. There has been a lot of propaganda pushing people to go bi-racial, everyone wanted a white girl, and white girls mostly looked for a culturally-hip partner of color. I tried and tried, but wound up looking at bi-racial partnerships. I married, but she didn’t want sexual intimacy, until she decided… Read more »
In fact, I don’t believe in age difference. My mother is 11 years older than my dad, but they can talk all the time about all topics. Their example has convinced me that love can make wonders. What with those keen club dancers…Well, it’s their choice.
I think the best age difference in marriage no greater than 10 years, and even better 3-5 years. A man may be younger than the woman, but a maximum of 3 years. Other options create additional difficulties in marriage.
When people really love each other the age is not so much important. But also during long marriage life when the age difference is high enough, its very difficult for the both parties because one getting older and wants to be calm but the other who is younger wants to enjoy the life. Anyway I think intellect is also very important because when one is clever and there are a lot of things you can discuss with him really it is very important in relationships!
Let’s face it. If a guy over 50 wants a woman under 30 its to compensate for his lack of self esteem. He’s a guy who’s more concerned with what others think than what really matters. He’s the guy who will go into debt to drive the red sports car and hang out at happy hour at the trendiest bar or be seen at the gym with his hot young wife with a sleeveless shirt on. I can understand a guy over 50 wanting to have children, but you don’t need a woman that young to do that. I have… Read more »
Jonathan, that’s a realistic point of view. I guess for many guys stating “I either get my dream [a much younger hot wife] or I’d rather stay single for life” it’s not even about having a family or a child but about keeping the dream alive. Until they are actually married, the dream is alive. They just want to dream, not to have it happened. Like some people dream of going to vacation overseas instead off buying a ticket and going. Truth is, the best age difference in marriage or dating is the one you feel comfortable with and which… Read more »
I agree that there is a little “dreaming” in the decision or desire to be with someone so much younger. Its kind of like any unhealthy desire that sounds great at the beginning but ends up not be all it was supposed to be. I do think there is an objective age difference after which one must question the motives or rationality of those involved. The younger you are the closer the age range must be (i.e., a 15 year old girl should not be with a 25 year old guy, but a 35 year old woman can be with… Read more »
Jonathan, I agree that marriage with a more than 15 years difference (a generational gap) starts posing problems rather quickly. An exception to this rule are women who absolutely abhor being with men their own age: They see young guys as stupid and immature. Such women also have only a few or no girlfriends, as they find them tiresome as well. This type of women, who are more reserved and don’t like large groups, despise going out to clubs etc., they genuinely enjoy the company of older men. In this case a large age difference marriage can work. Especially if… Read more »
Charles normally describes what he wants! When he will be 65, depending on his condition he’ll have to make your bet. But in Russia, a woman 45 years old – when her grandkids! Everything is going faster. There is no possibility for a level sport and care in America. Not the fact that she doesn’t want, in America she would not come out of the press. Most importantly, that she really thought and had a habit! Not the fact that the young will stay in this habit, when you get married – it may begin there are many))))))because she doesn’t… Read more »