I keep hearing questions from people about Russian women that don’t make sense. For instance, yesterday a friend asked, “Why all Russian women want to leave?”
The answer to this question is very simple—they don’t. Russian women who live in Russia don’t want to leave.
Do all Russian women want to leave? No, they don’t.
“But why do they all want to marry Australians?” the friend asked.
The answer to this question is the same—they don’t. Russian women don’t want to marry Australians.
“But why do they list their profiles on websites to marry Australian men?”
That’s a different question and it has an answer. I answered it in detail previously.
If you don’t want to read the detailed explanation, the very short answer to this question is this:
- Because they are brainwashed that they NEED a husband.
“Need” is a very different word from “want”. “Need” implies something that a person cannot live without.
- For instance, you can only live without air for a couple of minutes, tops.
- You can live without water for a few days.
- You can live without food for a few weeks.
By the same token, Russian ladies believe they need a husband, or they start feeling depressed. A woman has to have a man in her life to feel happy, the social standards dictate.
If a Russian woman doesn’t have a husband, in the society she is viewed as having low worth. Like a person who is homeless is viewed in your country. Or a person who cannot get a job.
To gain a respectable social status in Russia, a female must be married with kids.
She needs a husband, not a boyfriend.
The second necessary requirement for a Russian woman to feel worthy and adequate is to be in a committed relationship. This means she is with a man who has “serious intentions” towards her.
Living with someone without a marriage certificate is looked down upon. People in Russia don’t call it “partnership” or a “de facto relationship”, but “cohabitation”, which has a condescending flair to it. A lady who is living with a man but they are not married feels “used”.
That’s the society attitude, which is not spelled out in laws, but that’s what unmarried females have to put up with, they have no other option.
While for a man, an unmarried status doesn’t make him feel less important or less valuable. Vice versa, he is highly desirable and single women will fight to be with him in hopes they might get a husband.
Life is pretty good for men in Russia and they have no desire to change the societal views. Married women, too, like feeling their superiority, since they managed to snatch a husband, and the unmarried ones did not.
From the age of 25 and upwards there are fewer men in Russian cities (in the countryside this trend starts only at the age group 40+, until then there are more men than women).
In the population as a whole, there are 86 males in Russia for 100 females. And the demographic imbalance that disadvantages ladies starts in cities from the age of 25, when the number of girls starts exceeding the number of guys. From there onwards, it becomes only worse for Russian females—who, as you remember, absolutely NEED to have a husband, to be a respectable member of the society.
There are 86 males for 100 females in Russia. The demographic imbalance skewed towards more females starts in cities from the age of 25.
Single Russian women join international dating sites hoping to find a husband, because they feel deeply unhappy and devalued socially.
It’s a personal wellbeing issue, not an immigration or economics issue.
In fact, women from Russia can be annoying in communication because they feel that everything that is Russian is better.
- Russian healthcare system is better.
- Russian education is better.
- Russian women are the most beautiful in the world (they are absolutely convinced in that).
- Russians are smarter than other nations.
- Russians are more educated and cultured.
- Russians have deep souls and true feelings, as compared to other nations, whose feeling are superficial and materialistic.
- And so on.
If you are talking to a Russian girl, she probably believes the points above. Russia has a very successful and effective propaganda machine.
The same propaganda machine makes women brainwashed that they NEED a husband and MUST bear kids, but only in a committed relationship (i.e. in a marriage). Bearing kids and raising them, while taking care of the family, which includes the husband, is portrayed by the propaganda machine as a woman’s true calling and mission in life.
This is why the value of marriage is extremely high for Russian girls. They want to get married as soon as possible, which means as soon as she has found a “worthy man” who will become a good father and willing and able to take care of the future family.
Single females over 25 feel devalued socially.
Who is a worthy man?
A worthy man is the guy who has a stable job or career, has a place to live or able to pay rent, and wants to get married. He doesn’t even have to be good-looking; the Russian saying states, “A man should be just slightly more attractive than a monkey”. It’s also preferable that he doesn’t have “bad habits” (not a hard drinker, not a smoker).
However, there are not too many “worthy men” in Russia. “Bad habits” among men are quite widespread; many young guys smoke. Basically everyone is a binge drinker.
Most young Russians live with their parents, as rents are expensive, as well as buying a property. You need to be well off or have a good job to be able to afford it.
That’s why having a good job is very important. Otherwise, you can only bring the wife to your parents’ home (which is what many young guys do) or live with her parents as a married couple.
- Russians marry early. 33% of Russian brides are 18-24 when they get married—this includes all nuptials, not just first marriages.
- In fact, Russian males believe a girl should get married by the age of 21. (Ladies themselves would prefer to get married by 25.)
- From 25 years of age and onwards, there is extreme competition for eligible males (“worthy men”) who are able to pay rent and have a stable job, plus they are willing to get married.
A worthy man is the one who has a stable job, a home, and has serious intentions.
Guys in Russia believe that “All women want to get married”.
It’s not entirely true; some girls don’t like this notion and would prefer to be single and make a career, but they are constantly reminded by the society of their low value because they don’t have a husband.
Truth is, “All women should want to get married”, that’s more aligned with what is going on.
And this is what I call “brainwashing“: Even the girls who are unsure about wanting to be a mother and a wife right now, think that they should match these societal expectations.
This is why women from Russia list their profiles on international dating sites. They hope to find a man who will give them the respectable status of a Wife and a Mother.
They have tried to find a lifetime partner at home and didn’t succeed.
Sometimes, women also get disappointed in values of local men, because the guys who remained single until their late 20s or 30s usually enjoy just playing and don’t want to get serious. Vice versa, men on international dating sites state that they want to have a family and seek something serious. This factor is very attractive to ladies.
Girls from Russia join international dating websites because they can find a worthy man for a long-term relationship and marriage that they have been looking for. And it works! Image: successful couples from Elenasmodels.com.
If it was possible, ladies would prefer to marry a local guy rather than a foreigner.
The absolute majority of females from Russia will never search for a partner beyond borders. Most of them would never consider immigration. They truly believe their homeland is absolutely the best place in the world for them to live. They also think that “no one is waiting for foreigners” abroad and this is why it’s best to build a good life at home, rather than taking a chance elsewhere.
But some ladies (less than 1% of all single women from Russia) are open to trying the option of finding a partner somewhere else, because they really want a family. They don’t actually believe they will be successful, when they start. They find it hard to believe that “a worthy man” who wants a serious relationship can struggle to find it at home. Just like you find it hard to believe that such beautiful girls may struggle to get a guy who wants to be with them.
Family values are the main driver.
In short, I can say that the reason why some Russian ladies join international dating sites with the view to find a long-term relationship is in values of the society.
“A woman should be married with kids” is still pretty much the only option that gives a Russian woman a respectable status. Otherwise, she will feel unhappy, regardless of her career successes.
Ladies who list their profiles on international dating sites simply want to be happy. In their view, it includes a husband and a family.
Read also:
- Survey: Top-10 reasons why Slavic women seek to marry foreigners
- 7 Slavic Women’s Views on Working After Marriage
- 5 Pet Hates of Slavic Women on International Dating Sites
- 8 advantages of finding a marriage partner in Eastern Europe
M., You write that for Russian women children are very important. Nevertheless, the profiles I saw on this site show that divorced or widowed Russian women have still less children than in Belgium, so I guess also in the rest of Western Europe. The most have one, some two or none, I saw one or two with three. Personally I have four children, which is quite much here already, but two is the most common, three is frequent. Why this difference with women in a country where 99% call themselves christian, only 27 years after the disapperance of a governing… Read more »
Jan, You raised an interesting question. The Russian government would love women to have more kids. I would say the main problem is with stability of families: 2 out of 3 marriages in Russia end in divorce. Usual reasons are men’s cheating and alcohol abuse. About Russian women with several kids, they would be extremely scared to divorce. It’s very hard to bring up kids on your own — Russian guys often simply walk out and get a new woman, and don’t see or support kids from a previous relationship. So, women with several kids stay in relationships, even if… Read more »
Good article, and I’ve experienced enough of what you say to know you are spot on. But the article focuses mostly on young women. How do these attitudes and beliefs apply to older women. Women in their mid- to late 40’s. Women who have been married and divorced; their child or children are grown, and they are on their own. Living a decent life, happy maybe, or at least content, but still alone. Would appreciate some perspective on this basis.
Kenny G,
Yes, older women also feel they “need” a husband. A woman “must” be married there or she has no social value.
i have a russian friend who i like very much and she has the same feelings for me all is good with her shes not looking for money or anything like that and some women arent interested in expensive gifts, all they want is a good partner/husband that will look after her, honesty is what they want and value more than anyything so im happy with that