American psychologist Carl Pickhardt says that affection can never be an excuse to endure abuse or treat someone unfairly or nastily. However, when it comes to deep emotions people often lose their focus and struggle to figure out what is going on. Doctor Pickhardt offers to evaluate a relationship according to 3 basic parameters. Find out how well your partnership is doing by checking your answers to questions below.
Evaluating a relationship
The more intimate the connection, the more difficult it becomes to see whether it’s evolving in the right or wrong direction.
Try to analyze your connection with your sweetheart according to the following 3 aspects.
In romantic affairs, as well as in other types of connections, it is important to see how you’re being treated and how you act towards the other party.
Four positive responses to the next 4 questions will confirm that your union is set up well, Psychology Today reports.
- Do you like how you feel about yourself in a relationship?
- Do you like how you treat your partner?
- Are you satisfied with how your partner treats you?
- Do you like how the partner treats himself (herself)?
The psychologist underlines that we should never think that our emotions or genuine loving feelings may be an excuse to disregard the other person or to be disregarded.
If you want a strong union, you cannot ignore these aspects.
There are always 3 competing parties in any type of connection. It’s important to reconcile them and ensure that all 3 parties’ needs are met.
- I: You feel excessive responsibility for everything that happens in your union. “No matter what happens, I am always responsible for that,” you would say in that case.
- You: Everything happens as your partner desires. “We always do as you want!”
- Us: Each member of the couple lacks personal space (freedom). “We do everything together, I need some time just for me!”
- No us: Vice versa, one of the partners feels abandoned and needs more time with his or her significant other. “You’re always busy with your own affairs, we practically do not spend any time together.”
Usually, if one partner is experiencing such dissatisfaction, it affects the relationship in general. In this case, the expert recommends to discuss the issue with your partner and, if possible, to find a solution.
Mutuality is associated with both partners’ efforts to maintain equity in a relationship.
- People should make equal contributions to couple’s wellbeing (reciprocity).
- Partners are recommended to be attentive to each other (consideration) which is realized through acts of tenderness.
- It is hard to overestimate the ability to compromise. If you can sacrifice your own needs for the sake of a shared goal, it means a lot.
Mutuality plays a huge role in the pair’s sexual life.
- Sex should bring pleasure to both participants (reciprocity).
- Comfort and safety of both should be taken into account (consideration).
- Of course, intimate acts should occur by mutual consent, without coercion and manipulation (compromise).
If some points of your connection hurt you or leave you unhappy, it should be discussed. No matter how many excuses you get, the most important thing is that your partner never does it again.