When it comes to tips and advice, Elena Petrova has been doing exactly that for a living for the last 19 years. Even before she launched the website Elenasmodels.com, she started a blog about Russian women and wrote a book for ladies how to find a husband abroad, which was published in Russia. Giving tips about relationships was the base that brought her popularity and allowed to create the online dating site for men seeking contacts with women from Eastern Europe and ladies from post-USSR countries wanting to connect with western guys.

In this editorial, Elena addresses the issue of adaptation in intercultural dating.

Are you going to marry a woman much older than you? Then she can be the wise one

By Elena Petrova

I have been reading comments from guys and how they go about things, and one idea that comes through from the men who haven’t been successful after multiple attempts at dating Eastern European women keeps popping up, “Women have to adapt to date me”.

These guys dislike the fact that ladies don’t show too much desire to learn what certain things mean for western men and actively adapt to these points of view.

But before we move on to find out why this idea is a sure fail, let me ask you one question: Are you going to marry a woman much older than you?

If you are, then it’s fine, you may expect her to act wisely in a more mature way than you. Older people in general are wiser, although some individuals keep stepping on the same proverbial rake.

But if you are not intending to marry a lady who is significantly older than you — and especially if you want to marry a woman who is 5 or more years younger than you, in this case you should be the wise person in this relationship.

Who is going to be the wise one in your relationship?

If you don’t want a young and beautiful Russian wife (or Ukrainian wife), then you don’t need to listen to any of my tips and advice. But if you do want a young and beautiful wife — and you want it for real and not in your dreams — then drop the notion that ladies will change their values, habits, and beliefs before they leave their countries.

You don’t like how women behave? Fine. They all behave like this. And they won’t change.

Do you still want her, the way she is? I can tell you how to get her, but it will be you who will need to do some steps and make some changes in the way you conduct yourself during the courtship as compared to the process that you are used to. Because in the Russian, Ukrainian tradition, the woman completely devotes herself to the man once they are in a relationship and accepts his ways. So, once you are in a relationship, she will change and go where you lead her. But until you are in a relationship, it is the man who strives to please the woman, in her culture.

In case of intercultural dating, it means you won’t get a relationship with a Russian, Ukrainian lady unless you give her the necessary courtship steps. She behaves how she is accustomed to behave, waiting for you to provide her with the proof that you are the man in love.

Can women change, since they want a western husband?

They probably would love to, but they can’t. Russia and Ukraine are countries with strong community ties and inter-dependence as the base of social structures (as opposed to western cult of independence) and a person can’t just disregard vital societal norms and standards. She still needs the approval of her family and friends to feel secure in her choice to marry a foreign guy. It’s very closely linked to her need to seek a partner abroad, actually — she believes she needs a husband to be happy, which is part of the beliefs system she is accustomed to. So, you want her to drop her belief system? Then she no longer needs a husband and doesn’t need you.

Besides, girls think that you want a Russian wife precisely because they are different from western ladies, and not because you cannot get a woman at home. So, they don’t understand why you want her to behave differently, if it’s you who is coming to Russia to get a wife. Aren’t you coming to Russia because you like the way Russian women are? If not and you don’t like the way they are, then go elsewhere, where the women you like live. That’s the thinking.

I lived in Russia and I know women are unable to change their needs while they are living there. If this fact bothers you, don’t look at this country in search for a wife.

These couples found the love they have been looking for on Elenasmodels.com.

Successful relationships

Unless you are successful and have managed to establish a happy long-term relationship with a woman from a post-USSR country, you still haven’t learned what it takes to be successful. You may have ideas but they obviously haven’t worked for you. You need better ideas that work.

It doesn’t have to be my advice; use any advice that works for you.

Read also:

• What is the best way to meet Russian singles for a serious relationship? Should I just go to Russia?
• Should you meet quickly or wait months until you get to know each other better?
• Cultural ignorance leads to failure in international dating
• VIP Dating Coaching program by Elena Petrova: Expert tips and advice for men who plan to visit their girlfriends in Russia, Ukraine, Belarus