Paying for the woman: Do Russian men still pay for dates?According to the Russian dating etiquette, men should pay for women. It seems strange to western people, but that’s the way it is. Things have not changed yet and Russian men still pay for dates.

However, the dating rules are starting to evolve, even in Russia.

Do Russian men still pay for dates?

The majority of Russian women believe that men should take care of the bill on the date. It’s a kind of a test: if a man can’t pay for the dinner, how is he going to provide for the family? (The only goal of Russia’s girls in dating is to get married and “create a family“.)

A man should demonstrate that he is financially secure, reliable and ready to support. Girls from Russia like men courting them, giving flowers and gifts.

And if he does not want to spend money on courting his chosen lady, then he is “greedy” (the word Russians use for “stingy” or “cheap”) and not a “real man”. The rating of such a man significantly drops in a woman’s eyes.

For this story I performed my own research and asked my Russian female friends and acquaintances who should pick the bill during courtship. Most of the girls I asked admitted that usually guys paid for them on dates.

One of my friends, Yana, 26 years old, never married, says: “Our society dictates that a man must pay for the expenses during dates. This is how a man demonstrates to a girl his reliability.” She states that nowadays Russian women work a lot and could pay for themselves, but this rarely happens, as it’s not viewed as culturally appropriate.

Another girl, Maria, 28 years old, married, is convinced that a guy should be the one who pays the bill. She states that a man is a conqueror and a provider. She even describes how a woman is supposed to behave. The girl should not show to the man that she likes him. It’s a kind of a game. The woman opens her feelings several dates later and a man is supposed to pursue her during this time. Maria believes that men do not understand what is going on. She is confident that the fact that a girl doesn’t show her interest in a man should encourage him to pursue her harder.

Perhaps Russian men like to play their role. They also think that a man must conquer a woman, otherwise the game’s not much fun.

The third friend of mine, Katya, 24 years old, single, is even more complicated. According to her point of view, a man should pay because it is him who wants the woman. She points out that it’s better when a man’s feelings are stronger than the girl’s. Her idea is not really clear but again the point is that the man should be the one to pay, make the first step and seduce the woman.

Do Russian men still pay for dates?

Russian dating rules state that a man should pay the bill.

The recent studies show:

  • 73% of Russian men and women believe that guys should pick the check. It proves that a man is considerate and generous.
  • 4% of respondents say that the bill should be split.
  • The remaining 23% state that men and women should pay for their part of the dinner.

It should be noted that during the last few years the new trend has been emerging. Russian girls and men grow used to the option of splitting the bill, especially in big cities like Moscow and Saint Petersburg.

An expert in etiquette Irina Novikova states that in the modern society it is acceptable when a man and a woman share expenses on a date. But if the woman’s income is much lower than the man’s, the guy should cover the expenses.

Russian men seem to be eager to split the bill, journalist Arina Holina reports. Gentlemen ask a reasonable question: if a woman wants to be independent, have the same rights and build a successful career, why can’t she pay for herself?

“Why should I pay?” Russian guys ask in forums.

The new dating ethics are emerging, Arina concludes. “Finally, they [men] could evaluate profitability of feminism,” she states.

Paying for dates and trying to appear generous puts a big hole in a guy’s budget. Even if one earns more than an average salary (100 thousand rubles or USD $1,300), it’s still too pricey to pay for two people constantly, men complain.

Dates would cost a man from 30 to 100 thousand rubles a month ($330-1300), Arina calculates. Let’s remember that an average Russian salary is only 31,000 rubles, which means an average man cannot afford to pay for his date and keep it up for even 30 days, it would take all of his income.

Russian women dream of a man who would pay not only for her but for a group of her female friends. “If I sit in a bar with my girlfriends and my man joins us, he should pay the bill,” one Russian woman mused. Arina notes that this particular lady never had a boyfriend who behaved this way. In fact, she never lived out of a man, earns her own money and has her own successful career. But such is the dream. The prince on a white horse aka the man who opens his wallet unconditionally, these ideals are still the dream of a modern, sophisticated, confident Russian girl. Well, the white horse can be replaced with a white Porsche.

Maybe this is why Russian guys and girls settle in relationships much quicker than people are accustomed to in western countries. It’s simply too expensive to go on dates for a guy who is paying. Once a couple gets serious, they drop external entertainment and mostly spend time together at home.

Are Russian girls materialistic?

Funny enough, Russian girls are really not materialistic. It’s just the notion of “throwing everything in to win the love of his sweetheart” that dictates the strange choices of prospective candidates that would be certainly approved by local females.

The song encompassing this idea is “Million of scarlet roses” by the diva of the local pop scene, Alla Pugacheva. The storyline: A poor artist sold his house to purchase 1 million of red roses to throw to the feet of his beloved singer. How romantic is that? Unfortunately for the hero, he lost: The singer rode a train that took her away. But as the song holds, “there has been a million of roses in her life”, which means, the artist won by creating an unforgettable memory for his idol for the rest of her life.

Point being: Spending money on a girl “unconditionally” doesn’t give you an advantage or the girl, just the tick on the list, “He’s not greedy”. It doesn’t make her like you. You need her natural affection for her to say, “Yes”.

Simply speaking, you need lots more than money to win her heart. But adding your advanced dating strategies to romantic spending notions could create a quick shortcut.

If you visit just for a short time, maybe it’s easier to give into this fairy tale notion and pay a large bill for a group of her girlfriends to prove your worthiness and generosity and get unanimous approval? If the signals are there and you are confident she really likes you, this could be a shortcut that pays out rapidly.

Do Russian men still pay for dates?

Russian men are starting to catch up on the equality of genders in dating. Modern Russian girls want to be independent and have the same rights. Then why not pay for themselves?

 

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Henk
Guest
“The girl should not show to the man that she likes him.” Which would be reason enough not to pursue her. Why would I want to waste time and money on a girl who doesn’t seem to like me? I really don’t like this “game”. A girl shouldn’t show that she likes me. And I should be too interested because that might come across as being desperate. While in reality, if I really (and I mean REALLY) like a girl, I want to stand up and shout that she’s the one and I want to have her babies! :p (Well,… Read more »
Anna
Guest

I think that the man shoud take care of the bill on the date. It is really important, because if the man won’t do it, he will have bad impression. Probably after it the girl would find someone alse, who could take care of her. That doesn’t mean that all girls are materialistic.I like that information, maybe after it all boys would think about it.

Ksenia
Guest
Well, in my opinion everything depends on the certain situation. For example, if a guy and a girl decided where to go together and they both wanted this date, they should pay together. And if a man invited his woman to a restaurant and this date is his responsibility, of course woman doesn’t have to bring her wallet. And about Russian girls being materialistic… well, we are indeed! Every man for Russian woman is a potential husband and father of her future children. And we just want to be protected! Earning money is about internal men’s responsibility. We want to… Read more »
Duane Alexander Parker
Guest
Duane Alexander Parker

this was perfectly answered on this youtube video . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71o3hq6iSPM

Barry
Guest
This is an interesting discussion, recently I was dropped by a Belarussian women who I had communicated with every day for 7 months and I was preparing to visit her in her city in Belarus. The crunch of the matter surrounded not wanting to pay $85 a day for an apartment and $150 per person for a cosy taxi ride from Minsk airport to her city (one way) – my trip was going to cost over $2,000 for 1 weeks visit, plus my food and to take her on dates in her city would have been extra – she didn’t… Read more »
Sasha
Guest

I am surely not going to meet for a second date with a guy who is not paying in restaurant for the first. If you come to Ukraine to find ukrainian women and you like them because they are not feministic, like your western women, then be ready to face our non-feministic customs of courting. 100% paying on dates is a MUST. No options. Otherwise, you shouldnt waste your time in a firstplace and start even talking to slavic women.

Natalia
Guest

As for me, I will always ask to share the bill, especially on a first date, when you are not really familiar with each other. It is fine with me if man agrees with me paying the share, it only matter what’s behind it, culture difference or his attitude to me. Actually most of the guys on my way, whether they were Europeans or Russians, they were not accepting that. And yes, in Russian culture it may offend a man when a woman is trying to pay, like she is doubting his “mannish” qualities.

LilRobin
Guest
In my opinion, an ideal picture is the situation at which the interested man provides to the woman everything that can, that is suggests not only to pay for it at restaurant, but also to provide all her other needs, and the woman… refuses. Only it isn’t necessary to think that in this case men will offer in hope for refusal if the man raises such serious doubts it is necessary to refuse especially, and it is desirable in general from everything, from sex first of all. But the most beautiful and harmonous picture of the relations when the woman… Read more »
Lidia
Guest

I hold the opinion that it is a man who should pay for a woman on a date, but not because he is a conqueror or in such way shows that he will be able to provide a family in the future. But to remain, at list, something as earlier. Feministic moods have so won the world that, I am afraid, men and women will change their places. I am not against successful women, but men become weak near strong women. The more strong women, the less strong men.

Nana
Guest

I tend to think that only men have to pay for a dinner. However, nowadays there are not so many who are willing to do it. Few years ago, I went for a dating that cost me almost a pot of money, since that time I always try to be “in the money”. But the situation can be different, sometimes when I get out my wallet trying to pay, as I usually do, some men made me put it back into the bag. In such situations, I do continue to believe that the real men still exist in this world.

Kate
Guest

if I date this man or our relationship is just beginning, I think that he should be a gentleman. because he invited me on a date and maybe already planning our life together:). therefore, he must show that he has enough features to create a family. Of course if you already have a family then the money goes from the general budget

Ruzanna
Guest

Russians are still very old-fashioned in this question, because if a guy refuses to pay for the girl on the date he is considered to be greedy. There are very few girls that would continue communicating with such a guy, while in almost all European countries and in America it is normal.

Will Kubicek
Guest
Based on the responses, I believe Russia is still behind the modern world! This is why I will leave the site and never pursue Eastern women. They want a MAN to control and financially support them. I’m looking for a “partner” in life! Western culture is more modern and NOT old school like the lesser countries. If I want to hire a woman to cook and clean and please me sexually, I will stick with prostitutes and maids (or one that does both). That is the only meaning for her life! I want a women that is more! Good luck… Read more »
Allan
Guest
I am just glad this is changing. I am not against paying for a girl (and if I were to invite one on a date, it’s definitely on me, hence “inviting” her) but I will almost certainly never see her again if she doesn’t even bother. Now, if I went on a date we both agreed on and saw her ready to pay her part, then I’d slide my bill straight into the tab. This doesn’t make me more of a “real man” than the guys who allowed her to pay her part. I might simply be in a better… Read more »
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