Sometimes readers of Elenasmodels.com blog struggle to believe that double standards in Russia are so widespread. For instance, it is OK for a man to be unfaithful to his wife and even expected (there is a common belief in Russia, “All men cheat”), but if a woman does it, she’s a horrible person. Is it really true in 2019? Yes, according to the comments we get on the blog.
“I will never marry. It’s a real trap”
Here is the exact copy of the comment that arrived this week to the post What Russian women think about cheating?
As a Russian (Cossack!) woman and a polyamorist, I will never marry. It’s a real trap. The double standards are just sickening! And it’s 2019.
Man cheats on wife? Has out-of-wedlock children? Boys will be boys, it’s in their nature, etc, and his wife must deal with it.
Wife does the same? She’s a slut, whore, etc, and her husband is a cuckold. And it’s 2019.
Because I value honesty, I will call “Mother” Russia what it really is, a boys’ club.
One word for courage is literally “manhood,” basically “balls,” only not slang. Ridiculous, no?
There is even a saying “man said, man did,” which, in my eyes, means that adult males always mean what they say, even if that means harming you in any way.
This is BS. I will not forgive you if you use your Y-chromosome as a free pass. You’ll get a free pass out of my life!
And how many times do I have to say that it’s already 2019?!
Is marriage a trap for Russian women?
Well, for starters, she is expected to do everything at home: Look after the house, shop for groceries, cook, clean, and do the laundry. Once kids are on the scene, she is the one looking after the kids. The husband is a hero if he does anything to help and has to be admired and thanked if he moves a finger to help. It’s not his responsibility, after all! He is only expected to bring home the pay check, that’s it. The rest is the wife’s responsibility (of course, she also works. But it doesn’t change anything: She is a woman, so she has to fulfil her woman’s duties. She is lucky to be married and have a husband! Single girls are standing in a queue to get one…)
It may sound like a comedy sketch, but it’s the reality that Russian women have to put up with daily. This is also the reason why so many young Russian women are divorced.
What do you think the ladies should do?
Share this article
Elena, For me, To be so fortunate to have a woman like this for my wife. I will consider it a blessing from the Almighty God and an answer to my prayers. These loving women deserve to be with a loving husband. It is good to know they are accepting of their husband helping with chores around the house because I actually rather enjoy helping with them and I will do them graciously. Matter of fact, I can’t really imagine myself not helping with them but if she insisted on me not helping I would respect her wishes. I wonder… Read more »
Omar, it depends on the woman. The majority of Russians live in apartments and value apartments in the city centre, close to cultural facilities and entertainment. But there is also a trend to build houses near the city in certain areas marked for development, which is what wealthy people do. Most Russians cannot afford a house, only a small unit in a high rise building (they call them ‘flats’) in ‘sleep suburbs’ – far away from the city centre, and travel 1-2 hours daily to work by public transport. Most Russians still don’t own cars and use public transport; people… Read more »
Elena, Thank you for the insight into the daily lives of Russians. I know I read it in one of your other blogs in how to response to negative feedback from the well-intentioned criticism from friends or family that know about members’ intentions of finding a wife through this medium and I wish I would have saved it. I am a quiet person when it comes to my personal life and perhaps I will exercise my self discipline in keeping it that way in my search on your site. I think the most depressing thing I have ever heard is… Read more »
Russian men are not that bad and in any case no worse than men from other countries. The lady should realise that it IS 2019 and grow up.
It sounds like the Russian women want a feminism culture thats the problem. Russia is a traditional culture now don’t get me wrong I am against abusing a woman and cheating on her but nothing wrong with man having his role and woman having hers. Russian women have a man who is expected to be a work slave and bring home all the money! Do you know how difficult it is to make big money especially millions? It takes extreme risks, extreme dedication and sacrifice! I know because I have done it! I would take doing cooking, cleaning, taking care… Read more »
She certainly may feel like this in her 20’s. When she hits 40 she may think differently.
Very true women have the greatest opportunities in their 20’s to find a potential mate as she ages her prospects decline dramatically by early 30’s and every year thereafter becomes critical for a woman to find a mate who will be committed to her. Young women are often caught up in all the attention and emotions of everything when they are young and often overlook suitable mates. Whereas men as we age our prospects increase we have better paying more secure jobs and investments and own property. As long as we maintain our health our options get vastly better. Which… Read more »
Dear Derek, I like your idea about “a man should stay focused on his goals” because it inspires women to work harder to get one day a 5-10 years younger man. It helps future Brigitte Macrons to wait a bit for their husbands 😉
PS. Speaking about France. If you plan to visit this beautiful country and buy a fresh plain croissant baked in the morning better to eat it in the morning. People tell even the best croissant loses its taste by the evening.
Derek, you might be surprised, 90% of Russian men will agree with your opinion and, perhaps, the majority of Western men, too, although they will not say it in a loud voice.
P. S. There is a fine and durable line in correlation between comments of such type and the text of the author : men and women, they always speak a language where the most important msg lay beneath the surface.
I think the men on here poo-poo-ing this lady’s opinion are mainly scared that they’ll have to actually be present for the women who carry the load of their families. What jerks.
Well, we are very complex creatures. There are no simple formulas for happiness between a man and a woman. The traditional culture itself is certainly not a guarantee for happiness, nor is the feminist culture. As they both have very strong selfishness oriented elements, they don’t support happiness in marriage. Perhaps mixing a western man and eastern woman gives a good starting point indeed, as western man can value a good woman and eastern woman can value a good man. But feminism will conquer east and this window is not gonna last long. I do agree with Derek 100%. It… Read more »
My exchanges with Slavic women have impressed me with their image of the western man as being more ambitious, loyal, attentive and gentler with women. Being from the States where the divorce rate is nearly 50%, I know that men here are flawed as men are throughout the world but in general, at least in my society, men are respectful of their ladies and encourage them to pursue goals and dreams outside of the kitchen. Most of my couple friends are dual income families, a necessity form most Americans in order to meet financial and wish-list goals. I even know… Read more »
I am glad you agree and most men understand how difficult it is to be a good provider and build financial success its a very competitive world and has a lot of stresses and challenges. So a man who is providing for his wife and children is showing his family love and commitment by doing what he is designed to do which is to be a provider and a good woman will respect his efforts and appreciate his drive to make sure his wife and kids are taken care of. Now I want to make it clear I still believe… Read more »
So much fine comment. What I can put near them: About cheating there is a common experience in history, and a reason why it is a part in many cultures man can, women cannot cheat: for most man that is a round, simple lust, and an evaporate desire for hours. While for most females there are much stronger emotional factors. They easily fall in love with another, or confused so deeply if do cheating in a relationship. There are some women who not, and can put it in some place as man: lust, and desire, to the physical level. Not… Read more »
A divorced woman with a trailer (RSP) is a term about a woman with a child. 0 chances to re-marriage. 0 chance of remarriage if the age is after 30. The man immediately offers only quick sex-because I’m a commodity grade 2 in their opinion. I very often faced. So she writes that marriage is a mistake. Up to 25 years can not choose a normal partner due to inexperience and then when at least 1 child for full discrimination among on the basis of RSP. 1 married young with 1 child completely destroys the status in society and how… Read more »
People think differently. And there are different countries with even more different thinking/ opinion. For example in my case: some years ago find better do deal with an armed gang, than with a cute virgin girl. And this only hardly changed during time to even consider the possibility to start with a virgin (still never had). So for me a girl, who is a modest-virgin-fine christian character which preferred in Russia is a disadvantaged position for me. About marriage still many people think that supposed to be forever, and eternal. As do I, and like some other men decided not… Read more »
The deformation of marriage and family relations evolves in parallel with the transformation of modern society. The continuity of ideas about family and family values from generation to generation tends to vary the models and role structures of the family, which naturally affects the expectations and satisfaction of the spouses with their marriage. Marriage satisfaction is the degree of pleasure that a person experiences while being married. The foundation of an exemplary and long-playing marriage is undoubtedly mutual respect. I do not know at what destructive stage a divorce occurs in Western families, in Russian families, is, usually, when the… Read more »
Finaly someone who understands clearly the differencies between male-female principes/ thinking. You can have a stable marriage because this understanding. But look like you think: when somebody fail once (divorced) study from that, and think much, and based on more serious consideration make next time with a completely different person a better one. Look like this true in your case. If so: you deserve it. But I am sure : most people think less, and only hope, wish, and desire “the next one will be better”. So my measuring mind need a logical answer for the question: why should the… Read more »
No one will guarantee that the second relationship will be better and longer than the previous . Not someone’s desire and hope for the best, nor my “knowledge” in male and female psychology. The future of a new family does not determine the “experience” of partners in the first marriage, but definitely increases the chances of success, which directly depends on the lessons that everyone can learn from their past mistakes. Sometimes we change our life partner – serious and strict for the cheerful and witty, intellectual for the simple fellow, hero for the teddy, aged for the young one –… Read more »
Well, with need and love… it is like with egg and chicken – hard to say, which one game first. A need to feel loved is one of human’s basic needs 🙂 Just like a need to love, I must add as I am a romantic. And yes, sometimes we choose a completely different partner and we think we make a conscious and wise decision. But we really end up with the same problems in relationship, because we don’t change the most important thing – our own attitude. Our own attitude, our own broken patterns – it’s seems to be… Read more »
“Conversely, a genuine man on this site seeking a relationship with a Slavic woman is always at risk of being taken advantage of as the stories of “gold digging” Slavic woman abound through conversations with Russian speaking immigrants here in the States. Once the visa has been secured she is off and running, looking for a larger pot of gold.” The darkest hour before dawn. I think that on this site and on any other 2 layer people can’t see: women 40-50 years old with grown up children and men 50-60 years (according to statistics, the largest number of foreign… Read more »
Dear Zoya, yeah, there may not be a queue of eager suitors waiting for woman in her 30-40,having a child, but let’s be honest-in an era of Internet the potential for conscious coupling in the over -40s has never been greater (proof, that, at least time back, men were not too spoiled). Personally, I would not emphasise the matter of such forums you visit in. First , it is what people do not what they say that counts. (omit what some Only say and never do). Second, there are males capable for conscious and confidence gesture, one that most men… Read more »
Comments on YouTube, by the way, are more valuable than videos. I always read almost to the end and even the monitor burned)) last night. We have to understand the RSP is not even for themselves (my children – they are young people and look at trends), I’m more video about psychopaths with daffodils looked (I think our sacrificial and patient women often fall into these categories of men). Not for Dating (by Dating I go, on the job, depending on his place in my life almost 0,0001 %. Every day I visit the sites for 30-60 seconds and 2-3… Read more »
“”Most marriages, ending in divorce, were made in immature. The number of Western men on the site ready for remarriage, of course, pleases. Not every Russian man dared to the second legal relationship.”” “”Start to be a common belief: need to switch and put together western women and Russian men they deserve each other”” These 2 phrase appealed) Level of conflict between our men and your women: roughly, our men said. that’s not women in General, and the centaurs. Conversely, our not men and some immature children and so on – there is no common ground. About Readiness for 2… Read more »
In my opinion, the issue is lack of empathy, sympathy and sensitivity, of which there is zero in the Russia culture. Russians seem affectionless. Of course men get all the condemnation, as it is in all cases throughout the world and history lol, but it’s a universal cultural thing in Russia and includes both genders.
I want to say though, that I loved and respected Russians. Whether or not Russians want to change this part of their culture is their decision but the strength of the Russian has saved this humanity several times, with no gratitude given.
I suppose, Russian women should think about themselves more. A lot of women marry when they are young. That`s why they also think that marriage will prevent them to their ambitions. If women will respect themselves more they will able to find a good husband, who also will respect his wife.