Modern Russian women changed from the typical post-USSR lady you could meet in 1990s. Today’s single ladies are sharing their views online via social media with other females and decide on common values and attitudes as a united front. And you won’t like some of these views.
Views of Russian women that could leave you puzzled
There is a definite set of values that females who live in Russia and peruse the local media share. It is formed as a collective wisdom and viewed as scriptures to abide by.
Personally, I am annoyed by such views and find them silly. Surprisingly, even educated and smart women who have good jobs fall victims of such views, expecting foreign men to also somehow know about these requirements and fulfil them.
1. If a man invites a woman out, he has to pay the bill
No matter whether the lady is just taking the invitation as an opportunity to get a free meal, it was his idea, he picked the restaurant, so he has to foot the bill. You have invited me, so you are the one who is paying. This is the common idea among ladies.
Russian women believe a man has to pay the bill, if he invited her to a dinner.
2. If a man doesn’t bring flowers to the first date, he won’t get the second date
Flowers were reserved for special occasions in 1990s, but now it’s the first date staple. Two out of three ladies won’t see the man for the second time if he skipped on a bouquet on the date #1.
What about the second date, 2 out of 3 females will be OK if a man doesn’t bring flowers. 1 in 3 girls will still be offended for life if the admirer didn’t purchase flowers for her when he invited her out for the second time.
Russian girls are convinced that if a guy skips on flowers on the first date, he isn’t worthy of a second date.
3. Gifts are compulsory during courtship
In Russia, there is a rigid step-by-step system of “hoops” that a guy needs to jump through in order to win the heart of the lady of his dreams. This system is clearly spelled out in many magazines and Internet resources, so everyone is aware what is expected from a gallant admirer. Gifts are an integral part of it.
They don’t have to be expensive, but a lady is trained to evaluate the extent of a man’s interest in her by the amount of money a guy spends on gifts. Because it is something she has the benefit of for some time, rather than mutual entertainment, a woman would actually prefer a valuable gift to a delicious dinner or concert tickets, since these things are non-lasting. Besides, when she keeps using the gift such as perfume, she keeps remembering about the person who gave it to her.
Gifts are compulsory in the Russian courting ritual.
4. Man must see the lady to her doorstep after a date
Supposedly, this is to ensure she has gotten home safely. And he is not allowed to attempt any kisses or hugs, this will be seen as a sign “he is only after one thing”. This brings us up to the next point.
The guys must see his lady to her doorstep, to ensure she got home safe.
5. Don’t try to get any affection until the date #8
Women would rather prefer you to see another girl for affections in the meantime, as opposed to attempting anything with her too early in a relationship. Ladies see it as a proof that a candidate doesn’t see her as a short-term opportunity but rather view her as a possible partner for a long-term. They see it as a sign of respect rather than a sign of the lack of romantic interest if you don’t attempt anything physical.
How would you know?
Kisses and hugs have to wait until the lady is convinced you aren’t just “after one thing”, if you want a chance for something serious.
Does it sound daunting?
In reality, if you know what is expected, it’s very easy to get though all the necessary steps — and Russian women are indeed beautiful, as well as caring and devoted in a relationship. Many western guys are convinced that Russian women make the best wives!
It’s just the system of social norms in Russia developed in a peculiar way in recent decades, creating a very structured ritual of courtship that women are trained to expect from the time they are little girls, through movies and books. It’s very easy to navigate, once you know what is expected. Check my VIP Dating Coaching Program for details!
It’s also worth saying that once a woman has dedicated herself to you (which happens after the intimacy), the tables in regular Russian relationships turn the other way around. Now that she is in a relationship, she has to do everything to please her man. Russian guys know it, so they don’t mind a little courting to be looked after for the rest of their lives! Foreign guys, vice versa, think that how they are required to behave in the beginning will have to continue for the rest of the relationship and he is not prepared for that. But no, this was only “the period of flowers and candies” and it’s over once the couple is intimate. This is why Russian girls want it to last as long as possible — they never get treated like this again!
This is why women are so adamant about these “rules” and refuse to give them up. They think if they don’t get to be treated nice in the beginning of a relationship, it will never happen — they guy is just going to lie down on a coach and expect to be served. No, they want the chase! That’s why they are reluctant to give it up, unsure of the future potential of being treated nicely once the guy “got her”.
What do you think about the Russian dating ritual? Does it make dating Russian women easier or more complicated? Comment below!
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That article is why I love my Ukrainian soon to be wife. Show them respect in the beginning and they treat you like a king for life. Amen Elena. One of the best(of many) article I have ever read here at Elena’s. I am American and have sold everything and moving to Ukraine permanently. The traditions, customs, cuisine, history, hospitable, freedom-loving people are the salt of the Earth. And my Ukrainian girlfriend is a gift from God. God broke the mold after he created these Slavic princesses. As Paul McCartney of the Beatles said 50 years ago…. Ukraine girls really… Read more »
Thank you for the kind words, Mark! 🙂
Amazing story!
Thanks for sharing it with us!
Hey Mark,
Can you find work as an English speaker? What line of work are you in?
Do you speak the language? Sometimes I wonder if I should get out of the American dream trap, but also worry I could loose out in the long run by moving somewhere like that.
I’d be curious about your experiences.
Very interesting! And I don’t mind a longer type courtship, but how does one end a date in the beginning since you cannot try to hug or kiss? Handshake? High five? LOL! Serious question though…
Max, there is one kiss that is allowed: You May kiss her hand.
There is no need to touch each other at all, but possibly you, being a perfect gentleman, offered the lady your hand when she was hopping out of the car (after opening the door for her). Then you have her hand in your hand, pull her palm a bit up and touch it with your lips. That’s a perfectly polite gesture to end the date with a Russian woman.
Or you may simply smile, wave, and get back in the taxi and leave, saying good bye.
Great, thanks for the tip!
It see4ms so far from the emancipated Western Europe and US from where many suitors originate. Take the payment of a restaurant bill. Whilst as an English Gentleman I would have no objection in doing so, many ladies I have met in my country and the US would object strongly if I insisted on paying. It’s almost as if paying for a meal before there is an established relationship is seen as an attempt to “buy” the lady and is seen as wrong in principle for and independent lady with her own income. I think it is polite to bring… Read more »
Chris, yes, you are right. Men think they don’t need to learn the culture of the woman (she plans to move to another country, tight?), and she thinks “if he wants a Russian wife, then he needs to learn how to court a lady”. As the result, both stay single.
So, the guys who take the time to learn, have it easy! 😉
Thank you for this information, but I must say, if a woman expects a gift, then she is not someone a Man would want long term. Obviously her affections can be bought for a trinket. We have a word for women like that, and it is not polite.
Well, the fourth belief is something that every man must take into consideration because really some dates end late and if they lead the gilr home, they show they care, they demonstrate their serious intentions.
100 years ago, the man had to pay for everything on a date – but he also chose the lady’s meal. Women weren’t even offered a menu from which they could choose. I wonder if the Russian mores of today match that.
Goetz, you should not be probably looking for a woman in Russia, if you feel this way. Just like you feel strongly about your cultural views and expectations being right, women feel just as strongly about their cultural views and expectations being correct. You are at impasse. No need to get unhappy with each other, realize it’s just not for you. It simply won’t work! 😉 If you want to start fighting about meaningless things before you are a couple, how are you going to manage when you are a couple? Your word is the wisdom from the sky? 😉… Read more »
So far I don’t mind paying for meals because they’re cheaper in Russia, and taste amazing. I am a little concerned if I will have to pay for her meals for the rest of my life in America even if she works a job. And also if I will have to pay for everything else in life even if she works a job. I don’t mind paying if she doesn’t work and contributes as a classic wife, but I don’t think it would be fair to pay for everything if she continues to work. I haven’t brought it up yet… Read more »
Peter, this is why Russian women are so brainwashed into the “flowers” thing. It’s answer to everything! Flowers solve everything. Any mishap, any problem – just give her flowers, and it’s all good. I know, silly. But they don’t see it as such. Just realize that flowers are only a DATING thing. No one expects flowers constantly when you are in a relationship (and no one does). Bring her flowers 3 times in the beginning and this issue won’t pop up again. In regard to paying for meals for the rest of your life, stop dating Russian women is this… Read more »
Cool, yeah I mean I don’t mind “paying for dinner” if we’re sharing income. I just don’t want her to make me pay for dinner, the house, then her spend all her salary on jewelry or send it to her parents or something. I hear horror stories of russian money pits and wonder how collaborative they are financially vs how much they’re just trying to get paid.
Peter, I think you are confusing Russian women and Thai, Philippines and other Asian brides. Asians do require husbands to send money to the family and often pay a few thousand upfront for lost income when a woman marries a foreigner. They view it rather as a job, to become a “mail order bride”. It’s a way to feed the family. There are no such customs or view about marriages in Russia. It all about “love” (maybe, too much about love). Women rarely if ever send money back to Russia, parents and family are able to live alright by themselves,… Read more »
Ummm, no, I can tell if someone is just a gold digger but obviously I don’t know how russian financial expectations work in marriage. And since I would have to support her fully while she adapts to this country and finds work, I won’t know the real situation until years later. Sonits good to have an understanding of the overall culture. I have heard of the same thing happening in other post soviet countries though perhaps not Russia as it has a stronger economy, but I did meet someone on here who talked a lot about her parents and hiw… Read more »
Peter, the way you express yourself doesn’t give me an impression that you are going to be happy with a foreign woman. There is a simple process that will ensure you can succeed. But you have to follow it to make it work for you.
And thanks for the info/response.
Well there good points to know … but the ladies are in for a surprise aren’t they … if we men can abide by the ladies rules ))) a happy spouse means a happy house !)))
I absolutely love the article. I think American men should think of Russia and Ukraine as the 1950’s in America. The culture is virtually the same. I am from Texas and I was raised to do almost every one of these things. There is virtually no adjustment for me. I have joked that Ukraine and Texas were once joined together before the effect of plate tectonics. Some “modern” American women do have issues with sharing expenses. Some want it and some don’t care. I grew up as the youngest and only boy in a house full of women. I watched… Read more »
James, thank you for sharing your experience! Yes, ladies are very appreciative if you try to learn their language and culture
This is interesting it may even be fun. It was something like this 20 years ago in the states. Now foreign men surely wouldn’t know this because life is very fast and women have a vast of men to choose from so I think men expect a quick response or think she’s not interested. Men have lot of competition from one another and sometimes it’s easier to pick a different girl to try with.
This is excellent information to know & an excellent article, I can totally respect it, it’s a real good thing to try to learn about the culture & values of your Love interest, especially if she’s from another country & you are wanting her to come to your country & be with you & learn your culture & values. I was raised by my Mother & raised with Christian values that are absolutely considered Old Fashioned now here in America, namely respect for women. Sadly many American women don’t appreciate those values these days, as it’s not unheard of to… Read more »
Thank you for the thoughtful comment, Todd.