Studies show that the optimum length of a profile is 90 words. It’s not much. What should and should not you include in these 90 words of your profile?
Expert matchmaker Gerrad Gold listed his top 5 tips for women 40+ on Elena’s Models. Do you have any tips to add to this list? Comment below!
5 tips for women 40+
By Gerrad Gold (ElenasModelsMatchmaking.com)
As we get older the men-to-women ratio moves more and more in favour of men. The days of sitting back and waiting for that prince to sweep you off your feet are over.
If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, then you need to realise some realities. But also clearly understand what a profile means and how you should write it to be noticed and get those emails coming in.
1. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list.
Reaching 40+ means you should know yourself, your likes and dislikes. What has worked in the past and not worked. So, trying to publish a wish list at 40+ to men of your own age and older is trying to live in your 20’s.
Simply, you need to clearly describe who you are and what it would be like being in a relationship with you.
More about what you have to offer at this time in your life and less about what a man should do for you.
Clearly at 40+ for both men and women what you have to offer as a partner is less needy and shows you’re a proper independent adult. This will make you greatly more attractive and you will see a huge change in the quality of men contacting you.
BTW, how much is 90 words? This tip #1 was 141 words — before this paragraph! Check how long your own profile is.
2. Take it slowly.
Would you say to a person on the very first date or email “I’m ready to be your everything” or “I want a devoted man and be devoted to him”, even worse “I want to create a strong family“.
Kick these terms to the curb in your profile. It might mean something for you but it’s not something you say on a first date and neither should you put it in your profile. You are 40+ , experienced and mature. This approach is just needy and whimsical. Remember, the man on the other side does not know yet, so stop sounding needy.
3. Make space for a relationship.
“I spend my days working hard as a teacher, then go to the gym, so I am fit. 3 times a week I meet my friends at a book club and on the weekends I do volunteer work for my church.” – Wonderful, you certainly have a full life!
Oh, I forgot, you go on to say you look forward to finding a man for a long-term relationship.
STOP! When do you have time for that? Could a man reading this see you would have time for him in a relationship?
I have even seen statements from 40+ women who write these “full life” daily exploits and then say: “I don’t need a man but it would be nice to have one in my life”, or “I will make room for the right man.”
The issue here is you show no need (it’s also not good to be too needy), so where can he see himself fitting into your life? Surely, if you are looking for a partner, your best approach here is to make it feel like he can be a contributor to your life and be needed.
The harder line you take about your “busyness” and 40+ independence, the more it basically states to a man, “take or leave it”. So, he will probably leave it and move to the next profile.
4. Don’t be boring.
Yes, that’s right: Stop being boring. At 40+ or even 50+, surely you have had great real experiences?
Do you put in your profile things like these (along with the other 20,000 women on EM that have these phrases in their profiles)?
- I love spending time with my friends.
- Reading novels;
- Love eating out;
- Walks;
- Gong to the theatre;
- Travel for new experiences.
Frankly, this says absolutely nothing about you or even makes you interesting to any man to read further. It actually would make most men’s eyes glaze over and fall asleep.
You need to paint a picture and be more personally specific. For example: A great restaurant experience for me is trying out new ethic eateries, I like a little spice (a subtle flirtation works well).
5. Get rid of the baggage.
Leave it where it belongs: 5, 10 or 20 years ago at the door.
Keep this downer (in fact it’s a double down) out of any profile or even first communications (best advice is to leave it out at all costs).
Here is what I see in so many profiles 40+ , mainly because we all had a lot of life experiences that have impacted us, even shaped us. However, these things are not a good to lead in your profile.
Here are examples that are very common:
- “I’ve devoted my life to my children, now it’s my turn”. This is not showing a prospective partner that spending time with you would be enjoyable.
- “I’ve have had some bad relationships and learnt lessons, it’s now time for a change to find the right man who will care for me.” Wow! Baggage in your profile plus how needy you are.
Do you think a guy 40+ who wants to enjoy his own life equally with a partner will have a desire to contact you and cheer you up?
What you need to do is to remove any baggage you have (it’s all in your head and its negative) and instead write how you will add positively to both of your lives and describe how you enjoy yourself.
Keep all the heavy things for later (much later), when you have taken time to know each other.
Realistically, by that time you won’t want to spend much time talking about it or let it affect you as your relationship will be blossoming and that will become more important to you than remembering the past. Your heart and mind will be on the NOW and future.
Online dating is easier than discussed and overanalysed.
You have the chance to be noticed from a single page profile for about 10 seconds at best. In approximately 90 words maximum, you better make it count.
Do you agree with these tips or disagree? Maybe you have something to add to this list? Comment below!
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