Russian women expect men who are courting them to ‘show a lot of attention’. But what do they mean by that?

‘Signs of attention’

If you ask any Russian woman on Elenasmodels.com about signs of attention, she will be able to explain what does it mean.

There is an exact verbal construction in Russian that literally means, ‘signs of attention’ (‘znaki vnimaniya’).

You may think it would include your looking at her, trying to be close, in the same group, talking to her. But this would not be seen as the sign of attention by a Russian girl. In Russia, there is an unspoken list of things that are given this definition. Some of them you may find bewildering or even shocking.

Signs of attention, in the opinion of Russian women, include the following.

1. Man giving flowers

Especially on first dates, until you become intimate, a man is expected to bring flowers for the lady.

Especially on the very first date, a bunch of lovely blossoms is compulsory, or the guy is out. On the follow up dates, she still would like to get flowers.

One Russian girl commented about her foreign fiancé, how they met in Moscow when dating:

“He brought me flowers when we first met, and then he bought me flowers once when we were out, and I was so happy that he realized, ‘For a Russian woman, there are never too many flowers’.”

A Russian jokes website expressed it this way:

“Guys, simply give flowers to women every day. She is happy and you don’t need to remember your special dates.”

I know, it sounds insane. But this is what Russian women have been trained to value during the last 20 years: Flowers as an expression of love, a ‘sign of attention’.

Test it yourself, if you wish. It works.

Flowers are the most important sign of attention for girls from Russia.

2. Man giving gifts

Aren’t flowers gifts? No, flowers are flowers, and gifts are gifts. Learn to respect the difference.

Gifts don’t have to be given on every date until you are a couple. You become a couple once you are intimate; this means the lady believes you are a worthy candidate and she is ready to commit, — yes, that’s the meaning of it — casual sex is frown upon in Russia.

So, the girl is going to simply see you as an admirer until the time you make love. That’s why it’s important not to miss the signs! The signs that she is ready are explained in my coaching program.

What kind of gifts should you give to a woman you are dating?

Small ones. Things like inexpensive silver or gold jewellery, perfumes, gift sets. The type of things you give your mom for Mothers’ Day. The easiest are earrings, necklaces with pendants, perfumes, scarves. Even if she doesn’t like it, she can re-gift it, so don’t spend too much time worrying about it. If it’s not dirt cheap (budget) but a good brand, then it will be appreciated.

As the Russian saying holds, “It’s not the gift that counts, it’s the attention“.

It’s like a tick box for her: Gift, tick.

It’s not the gift that counts, it’s the attention, a Russian proverb points out.

How women give men a score: A universal rule for all females

Women have this tendency to ‘score’ every little thing a man does for her. And it’s not just Russian women, all ladies are like this — John Gray wrote about it in his widely popular book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” in 1992.

You might think that flying thousands of miles to see her to the other end of the world would be enough to score a giant, overwhelming tick in her book that would suffice — unfortunately, it’s not so. It’s just one tick in her book. You will score a tick for every little sign of attention — Russian men figured it out and take advantage of this quality of the female psyche. They give a lot of small cute gifts to women, scoring a tick every time.

3. Courting the lady

This means opening doors, carrying bags, moving chairs, holding the coat for her to slip in, walking her home (or riding a taxi home with her and walking her to the door, to make sure she has arrived safely) — all the things males used to do for females 100 years ago. Well, even in 1960s they still did. If you don’t know how to do it, ask your mom or grandmother, they will remember.

This was called, ‘courtship’.

In today’s Russia, it’s still in.

In fact, it wasn’t in 30 years ago in 1989, when Perestroika was just announced. But as the time went, the Russian society swang to the other pole from the forced equality of Soviet times. Now Russian women desire to be treated like dainty ladies. They missed 70 years of it because of the communist revolution of 1917 that said, “That’s it, women are 100% equal to men. No more open doors for you.”

So, when the Perestroika was announced, all the things that were “bad” before (like treating a woman in a special way), suddenly became “good”, and all the things that used to be “good” (the equal treatment and rights for men and women) became “bad”.

It must be just a stage of the society. Like if you hadn’t been sick, you have to acquire the immunity by being infected with a vaccine and getting over it.

Point being, you are expected to treat the young healthy Russian woman you are trying to impress as if she were a fragile 95-year-old aunty of yours, by not allowing her to do anything for herself, holding her hand or offering your arm to hold onto, constantly.

Look up what did it involve to “court a lady”, this is what modern Russian girls want to see the guy doing. Watch “Blast From The Past” movie (1999), there is a good demonstration.

Ensuring the lady arrived home safely is one of the courting gestures in the dating etiquette of modern Russia.

 4. Taking her out

Planning joint entertainment (without consulting what she wants to do) is the sign of a true gentleman.

No kidding, all the things I am explaining here are for real. That’s how Russian women expect to be treated, otherwise she feels like she is “one of the boys”.

Why shouldn’t you ask where she wants to go? For the same reason a gift should be a ‘surprise’. There is more value in a surprise than in getting something she knows she is going to get.

It’s like getting Christmas presents — the value is not in the present itself, but in the surprise and expectation of the surprise.

If she doesn’t know what is going to happen (and she enjoyed the previous surprise from you), then she is looking forward to meeting you every time even more.

Planning outings, surprises is the man’s way to show attention.

5. Paying the bill

“The one who invites the other person out should pay the bill,” such rationalization I have heard from Russian women several times when trying to discuss with them the reason why it’s unfair for men to always pay.

Others just state bluntly, “The man should pay, that’s it”.

Another point of view from a Russian woman was that if a man didn’t wish to pay for her, then it meant he didn’t wish to impress her, so he wasn’t interested enough and thus there was no point in another date.

In short, there is no “Going Dutch” with Russian women. If you don’t pay, you are not a “real man” and she wants a “real man”.

It’s definitely a strong “sign of attention”, which counts.

There is no “going Dutch” in Russian culture. Ask for it and it will be the last time you see this girl.

6. Compliments

Sure, compliments are a sign of attention in Russia. But compliments alone won’t take you far. They are like salt — use sparingly.

Try to find something not connected with her looks to compliment, such as something she did that was sweet or caring, rather than commenting on her appearance.

Of course, when she just arrived, looking at her with pleasant amazement and telling her she looks gorgeous is a must! She probably spent 6 hours doing her hair, nails, putting together an outfit and doing makeup. Give her some validation.

In dating Russian women, compliments are like salt and pepper — use sparingly. But always remember to tell her she looks gorgeous when she arrives — she spent a few hours getting ready to see you.

7. Virtual contact

Texting, sending voice messages, liking her photos and asking to be a friend in social networks are also signs of attention a guy is supposed to express, once you start dating. A lot of relationships begin with guys liking photos and then starting to message the lady.

Once you went on a date (in real life or on video via Skype, WhatsApp), then she definitely expects a message once or twice a day. It is not only a sign of attention, but also a way to develop a relationship.

Couples who met online on Elenasmodels.com often report spending hours daily chatting via messengers.

Virtual contact (texting, calling, emailing) is another sign of attention.

8. Not showing sexual interest

Not initiating sex or any intimacy (not even a kiss on the cheek) is a weighty sign of attention.

Vice versa, initiating any intimacy (even a light touch on the cheek or a brief half-hug when you are meeting or parting) means the man only has sex in mind and no serious intentions.

Thus, a guy trying to get closer before the date #8 is immediately labelled as “sexually concerned” and looked at with the suspicion that all he wants is sex and he is not going to marry her.

What?? Marry her? How a woman in her sound mind may expect a man to think about marrying her, without even knowing her?

Well, in Russia girls are indoctrinated that they should be marrying as virgins, and thus any dating should lead to a wedding. If a guy is not seeking a wife, then he is seeking sex when trying to chat to girls, thus he is a predator.

So, staying within the proper boundaries (no attempt of any intimate contact) early in a relationship is definitely a sign of attention in Russia from the point of view of women.

In fact, that’s the strongest indicator for a woman that a guy is interested in her more than in a sex object. My conversations with women show that while ladies realize that not all guys who show interest in them via gifts, flowers and taking them out are genuine (i.e. “have serious intentions”), the issue with trying to get her to bed early is the sticking point for them.

If a guy does it, that means he is not serious, in the eyes of a Russian lady. It also means for her that he doesn’t respect her, thinks she is “easy”.

Because all ladies have experiences with guys courting them (gifts, flowers, going out) and then dropping off quickly after sex, this point is viewed as the most important sign of attention by Russian women.

A man’s kissing a woman’s hand is the only kiss that is allowed when dating. Kisses on the cheek, hugs are not viewed by Russian ladies as appropriate and can be seen as an attempt to force sexual contact. Remember it!

Making love is not considered to be an expression of love in Russia

In fact, in 2019 survey in Russia about ways to express love, “making love” didn’t even score the required 1% to be on the list.

25 items are on the list, but “lovemaking” is not one of them. Russians don’t see sex as a way to express love.

The overriding doctrine that is promoted in today’s Russia is that sex is something people only should be doing when married, and any premarital contact is improper. Of course, there is casual sex in Russia. But it is frowned upon, and girls and women don’t wish to be seen as “sluts”, so they have to abide by this societal norm, if they wish to be seen as acceptable members of the society.

Kisses and hugs did score a place in the abovementioned survey with 4% and 3% respectively, as a way to express love by men. (Among women kisses scored 6% and hugs 5%).

If you look at the survey results, the first thing women expect from men is “giving a lot of attention”. This means all the “signs of attention” we discussed above.

Courtship is a process in Russia

In western countries, there is no structured process of courtship, following which a man is able to guarantee that the lady has serious interest in him and will answer “Yes” when he asks her to marry him.

In Russia, there is a highly structured process of courtship that became a step-by-step procedure of building a relationship that could last a life time.

If you are interested in finding out all the steps, I explain it in detail in my dating coaching program.

Once you understand all the steps, it’s very easy to follow the process and ensure you get the results you are looking for.

Wishing you success in courting Russian women!

Read also:

• Photos, video will decide results in your dating Russian women
• How Russians express love
• The giant dilemma of online dating
• Why Ukrainian, Russian women want to marry Americans (Australians, Europeans, etc.)