When you are writing your first mail, you usually cannot resist making a compliment to the woman. But most of your remarks usually refer to appearance only.
If you have been dating for some time, you probably have figured out that women usually seek stability and security in men, while men seek beauty and youthfulness, when looking for a long-term partner. Sure, there are other criteria as well, but that’s what lies on the surface.
Just like men don’t want to be loved for their money, women don’t want to be loved for their bodies. It’s very easy for you to look shallow in the eyes of a girl if you compliment her a wrong way.
Complimenting a woman the wrong way
I see many men including in their first letters similar phrases:
- You are so beautiful
- You are so hot
- You are a very attractive and sexy woman
- You have a very pretty face
When you compliment a woman on her appearance, she feels similar to how you would feel if she said: “You have a nice car, it looks expensive”, or “I like your house in the pictures”, or “I like your Rolex”.
Yes, I get it, you still look at the pictures first. Fine. But don’t tell ladies that you are writing to them because you like their bodies. If you do, they will think you are shallow, have no substance, and you go to the bottom of the line-up (don’t think yours was the only letter they received).
How to compliment a woman the right way
If you are writing your first letter to a lady, compliment her on personality. How do you know her personality? Read her profile. That’s what she wrote it for!
Women love words and pay a lot of attention to them. If she said something in her profile, she probably had been thinking about it for many hours before she put it there.
- Look for something unusual or arty in her profile: an interesting piece of information, a quote, a poem etc.
- You can even comment on her requirements to a potential partner — most guys never read them.
- Tell her you feel similar to her point of view (if you do) or that you liked this in her profile.
- If there is nothing interesting in her profile at all, compliment her on profession or education, that she must have put a lot of work into it, or that you admire people who do this type of job helping people (teaching, nursing, etc).
- I have read in your profile that you help homeless animals in a shelter, it’s really amazing! You must love animals very much.
- I see you are a primary school teacher, that’s wonderful! You must really love kids. Education and bringing up kids is so important, I think they really should pay teachers more.
- I was so happy to read that you are looking for a partner who loves outdoors, it’s fantastic! Not many ladies love spending time amongst nature, that’s very important for me, too.
You see how easy it is?
Remember: personality, not appearance.
When should you compliment a woman on her appearance?
However, there are situations in life when you absolutely must compliment a woman on her appearance. This is when you have known each other for some time, and she has done something special with her looks.
- Got a new haircut or styled her hair differently
- Is wearing a new dress
- Got her nails done in a salon
- Spent two hours in a bathroom preparing to go out
In this case a woman will be upset if you do not acknowledge her efforts. After all, she is trying to look good for you!
The way to compliment a woman in these cases is to notice what is different about her and mention this feature:
- With your hair like this, it highlights your beautiful eyes.
- Wow! This dress is stunning.
- I like this shade on you.
- Oh my god! No, you cannot go out looking like this, every guy will want to steal you from me.
Avoid compliments of the type, “You look so pretty today” — this only means for her, “You didn’t look pretty yesterday and the day before”. Be specific. Be relevant.
Just be sure this is a new thing, or you can feel somewhat awkward if you say that you like her new haircut, and she had done it a week ago. If this happens, the comeback is, “Yes, I know, I was going to tell you all the time”.
If she says in response to your compliment, “Oh, this old thing?” you can say, “Honey, you would look stunning in a garbage bag… but this dress is really nice.”
Women love compliments. They just don’t want to feel like a piece of meat in a butchery, just like you don’t want to feel like a walking wallet.
- Tips for communication with women from Elenasmodels.com
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- Top-6 errors men make when using dating sites
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