Surprise value is important in signs of attention for Russian women.

Surprise value is important in signs of attention for Russian women.Russian women expect men who are courting them to ‘show a lot of attention’. But what do they mean by that?

‘Signs of attention’

If you ask any Russian woman on about signs of attention, she will be able to explain what does it mean.

There is an exact verbal construction in Russian that literally means, ‘signs of attention’ (‘znaki vnimaniya’).

You may think it would include your looking at her, trying to be close, in the same group, talking to her. But this would not be seen as the sign of attention by a Russian girl. In Russia, there is an unspoken list of things that are given this definition. Some of them you may find bewildering or even shocking.

Signs of attention, in the opinion of Russian women, include the following.

1. Man giving flowers

Especially on first dates, until you become intimate, a man is expected to bring flowers for the lady.

Especially on the very first date, a bunch of lovely blossoms is compulsory, or the guy is out. On the follow up dates, she still would like to get flowers.

One Russian girl commented about her foreign fiancé, how they met in Moscow when dating:

“He brought me flowers when we first met, and then he bought me flowers once when we were out, and I was so happy that he realized, ‘For a Russian woman, there are never too many flowers’.”

A Russian jokes website expressed it this way:

“Guys, simply give flowers to women every day. She is happy and you don’t need to remember your special dates.”

I know, it sounds insane. But this is what Russian women have been trained to value during the last 20 years: Flowers as an expression of love, a ‘sign of attention’.

Test it yourself, if you wish. It works.

Man giving flowers.

Flowers are the most important sign of attention for girls from Russia.

2. Man giving gifts

Aren’t flowers gifts? No, flowers are flowers, and gifts are gifts. Learn to respect the difference.

Gifts don’t have to be given on every date until you are a couple. You become a couple once you are intimate; this means the lady believes you are a worthy candidate and she is ready to commit, — yes, that’s the meaning of it — casual sex is frown upon in Russia.

So, the girl is going to simply see you as an admirer until the time you make love. That’s why it’s important not to miss the signs! The signs that she is ready are explained in my coaching program.

What kind of gifts should you give to a woman you are dating?

Small ones. Things like inexpensive silver or gold jewellery, perfumes, gift sets. The type of things you give your mom for Mothers’ Day. The easiest are earrings, necklaces with pendants, perfumes, scarves. Even if she doesn’t like it, she can re-gift it, so don’t spend too much time worrying about it. If it’s not dirt cheap (budget) but a good brand, then it will be appreciated.

As the Russian saying holds, “It’s not the gift that counts, it’s the attention“.

It’s like a tick box for her: Gift, tick.

Gift, surprise, sign of attention.

It’s not the gift that counts, it’s the attention, a Russian proverb points out.

How women give men a score: A universal rule for all females

Women have this tendency to ‘score’ every little thing a man does for her. And it’s not just Russian women, all ladies are like this — John Gray wrote about it in his widely popular book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” in 1992.

You might think that flying thousands of miles to see her to the other end of the world would be enough to score a giant, overwhelming tick in her book that would suffice — unfortunately, it’s not so. It’s just one tick in her book. You will score a tick for every little sign of attention — Russian men figured it out and take advantage of this quality of the female psyche. They give a lot of small cute gifts to women, scoring a tick every time.

3. Courting the lady

This means opening doors, carrying bags, moving chairs, holding the coat for her to slip in, walking her home (or riding a taxi home with her and walking her to the door, to make sure she has arrived safely) — all the things males used to do for females 100 years ago. Well, even in 1960s they still did. If you don’t know how to do it, ask your mom or grandmother, they will remember.

This was called, ‘courtship’.

In today’s Russia, it’s still in.

In fact, it wasn’t in 30 years ago in 1989, when Perestroika was just announced. But as the time went, the Russian society swang to the other pole from the forced equality of Soviet times. Now Russian women desire to be treated like dainty ladies. They missed 70 years of it because of the communist revolution of 1917 that said, “That’s it, women are 100% equal to men. No more open doors for you.”

So, when the Perestroika was announced, all the things that were “bad” before (like treating a woman in a special way), suddenly became “good”, and all the things that used to be “good” (the equal treatment and rights for men and women) became “bad”.

It must be just a stage of the society. Like if you hadn’t been sick, you have to acquire the immunity by being infected with a vaccine and getting over it.

Point being, you are expected to treat the young healthy Russian woman you are trying to impress as if she were a fragile 95-year-old aunty of yours, by not allowing her to do anything for herself, holding her hand or offering your arm to hold onto, constantly.

Look up what did it involve to “court a lady”, this is what modern Russian girls want to see the guy doing. Watch “Blast From The Past” movie (1999), there is a good demonstration.

Ensuring the lady arrived home safely is one of the courting gestures in the dating etiquette in Russia.

Ensuring the lady arrived home safely is one of the courting gestures in the dating etiquette of modern Russia.

 4. Taking her out

Planning joint entertainment (without consulting what she wants to do) is the sign of a true gentleman.

No kidding, all the things I am explaining here are for real. That’s how Russian women expect to be treated, otherwise she feels like she is “one of the boys”.

Why shouldn’t you ask where she wants to go? For the same reason a gift should be a ‘surprise’. There is more value in a surprise than in getting something she knows she is going to get.

It’s like getting Christmas presents — the value is not in the present itself, but in the surprise and expectation of the surprise.

If she doesn’t know what is going to happen (and she enjoyed the previous surprise from you), then she is looking forward to meeting you every time even more.

Going out.

Planning outings, surprises is the man’s way to show attention.

5. Paying the bill

“The one who invites the other person out should pay the bill,” such rationalization I have heard from Russian women several times when trying to discuss with them the reason why it’s unfair for men to always pay.

Others just state bluntly, “The man should pay, that’s it”.

Another point of view from a Russian woman was that if a man didn’t wish to pay for her, then it meant he didn’t wish to impress her, so he wasn’t interested enough and thus there was no point in another date.

In short, there is no “Going Dutch” with Russian women. If you don’t pay, you are not a “real man” and she wants a “real man”.

It’s definitely a strong “sign of attention”, which counts.

Man pays bill in a restaurant.

There is no “going Dutch” in Russian culture. Ask for it and it will be the last time you see this girl.

6. Compliments

Sure, compliments are a sign of attention in Russia. But compliments alone won’t take you far. They are like salt — use sparingly.

Try to find something not connected with her looks to compliment, such as something she did that was sweet or caring, rather than commenting on her appearance.

Of course, when she just arrived, looking at her with pleasant amazement and telling her she looks gorgeous is a must! She probably spent 6 hours doing her hair, nails, putting together an outfit and doing makeup. Give her some validation.

In dating Russian women, compliments are like salt, use sparingly.

In dating Russian women, compliments are like salt and pepper — use sparingly. But always remember to tell her she looks gorgeous when she arrives — she spent a few hours getting ready to see you.

7. Virtual contact

Texting, sending voice messages, liking her photos and asking to be a friend in social networks are also signs of attention a guy is supposed to express, once you start dating. A lot of relationships begin with guys liking photos and then starting to message the lady.

Once you went on a date (in real life or on video via Skype, WhatsApp), then she definitely expects a message once or twice a day. It is not only a sign of attention, but also a way to develop a relationship.

Couples who met online on often report spending hours daily chatting via messengers.


Virtual contact (texting, calling, emailing) is another sign of attention.

8. Not showing sexual interest

Not initiating sex or any intimacy (not even a kiss on the cheek) is a weighty sign of attention.

Vice versa, initiating any intimacy (even a light touch on the cheek or a brief half-hug when you are meeting or parting) means the man only has sex in mind and no serious intentions.

Thus, a guy trying to get closer before the date #8 is immediately labelled as “sexually concerned” and looked at with the suspicion that all he wants is sex and he is not going to marry her.

What?? Marry her? How a woman in her sound mind may expect a man to think about marrying her, without even knowing her?

Well, in Russia girls are indoctrinated that they should be marrying as virgins, and thus any dating should lead to a wedding. If a guy is not seeking a wife, then he is seeking sex when trying to chat to girls, thus he is a predator.

So, staying within the proper boundaries (no attempt of any intimate contact) early in a relationship is definitely a sign of attention in Russia from the point of view of women.

In fact, that’s the strongest indicator for a woman that a guy is interested in her more than in a sex object. My conversations with women show that while ladies realize that not all guys who show interest in them via gifts, flowers and taking them out are genuine (i.e. “have serious intentions”), the issue with trying to get her to bed early is the sticking point for them.

If a guy does it, that means he is not serious, in the eyes of a Russian lady. It also means for her that he doesn’t respect her, thinks she is “easy”.

Because all ladies have experiences with guys courting them (gifts, flowers, going out) and then dropping off quickly after sex, this point is viewed as the most important sign of attention by Russian women.

Man kissing a woman's hand is a polite gesture in Russian culture.

A man’s kissing a woman’s hand is the only kiss that is allowed when dating. Kisses on the cheek, hugs are not viewed by Russian ladies as appropriate and can be seen as an attempt to force sexual contact. Remember it!

Making love is not considered to be an expression of love in Russia

In fact, in 2019 survey in Russia about ways to express love, “making love” didn’t even score the required 1% to be on the list.

25 items are on the list, but “lovemaking” is not one of them. Russians don’t see sex as a way to express love.

The overriding doctrine that is promoted in today’s Russia is that sex is something people only should be doing when married, and any premarital contact is improper. Of course, there is casual sex in Russia. But it is frowned upon, and girls and women don’t wish to be seen as “sluts”, so they have to abide by this societal norm, if they wish to be seen as acceptable members of the society.

Kisses and hugs did score a place in the abovementioned survey with 4% and 3% respectively, as a way to express love by men. (Among women kisses scored 6% and hugs 5%).

If you look at the survey results, the first thing women expect from men is “giving a lot of attention”. This means all the “signs of attention” we discussed above.

Courtship is a process in Russia

In western countries, there is no structured process of courtship, following which a man is able to guarantee that the lady has serious interest in him and will answer “Yes” when he asks her to marry him.

In Russia, there is a highly structured process of courtship that became a step-by-step procedure of building a relationship that could last a life time.

If you are interested in finding out all the steps, I explain it in detail in my dating coaching program.

Once you understand all the steps, it’s very easy to follow the process and ensure you get the results you are looking for.

Wishing you success in courting Russian women!

Why Russian women want to marry Americans, Australians, Europeans.Read also:

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That is true what is written above about someone god of attention. I once had a foreign friend, who even could not imagine how to deal with Russian girls. As the result, he did not manage to build any good relationships. May if he had read the tips, he would have had a great success.


Yeah, that’s right. I believe that it is not gifts , flowers , it is most importantly attention that is valued by Russian women. Attention lies in the fact that people gave you the time of your life. Joy to share together

Mark Santoro
Mark Santoro

This article is 100% on, helpful and informative. I might add to it what happens in the real world after a gift is given and it doesn’t matter if the woman is from Ukraine, Russia, America or Mexico. Initially there will be a wave of happiness and gratitude however this will fad as time goes bye because they are expected. You see, giving gifts is like filling up an empty bucket with water except the bucket is leaking from the bottom and requires constant refilling. In the end the gifts will continue to hold value in a relationship but if… Read more »


When you meet a girl from another country, you should expect the differences in cultures. So if you learn some customs of her country, it will be easier for you to understand her. The Russian girl wouldn’t demand flowers, but she will be surprised if she never gets any from you.

Mark Santoro
Mark Santoro

One more comment about about successful couples no matter which countries they are from having to do with the last past of your article about sex. There can never be true love between a couple without chemistry and a close emotional and physical relationship. That’s it.

Ilona Lykova
Ilona Lykova

Yes, it really is true. I think every girl loves attention. It is very pleasant when they take care of you, are interested in your life, open the door or take you home. Men show that they are interested in a woman, and this is very important.


You are absolutely right! It’s exactly what I expect from my boyfriend. I become so happy when being given flowers or gifts or compliments. If the girls from other countries can live without these little but lovely things, how is it possible? That only means your boyfriend doesn’t actually like you…And I can’t imagine that our grandmothers weren’t treated in a special way! I do believe that my boyfriend carries my huge bags and helps me to take on my coat because he loves me and wants to provide me with comfort and support.


Gifts are very important for Russians, even if sometimes they give them to other people when they are not happy with them, but they’ll never tell to a person the truth about the gift. It is absolutely impolite to pay visit to Russians without a gift, with empty hands. I have already seen such a thing in France, very shocking for me. A Russian will never more invite somebody who has come with empty hands. Nowadays in Russia there is a new tradition to offer money for birthdays and you must give the same amount to the person for his/her… Read more »

Paul Rose
Paul Rose

This is a great article and so well written. Possibly the most important one I’ve read here.


This is a very good, because girls require a lot of attention. Everything is written well and correctly here. I also want to note that along with gifts, flowers and courting a lady, you need to be able to respect her. This is very important, because respect is the most basic in a relationship.


These things may seem obvious and simple but sometimes men just forget about them. It’s very important for women to feel attractive, good-looking but also respected. If the men did at list half of the things mentioned in this list, the situation would be so much better.