Подборка самых смешных коротких анекдотов.

New Russian jokes. Russians love humour and jokes, which they call “anecdotes”. For the April Fool’s Day, here are 50 funny stories we found online about love, dating, marriage, women, and the meaning of life.

10 Russian jokes about love

  1. She realized how much she loved him when he told her how many bitcoins he bought today, and she fell out of love the second he pulled them out of his pocket and showed to her.
  2. Statistics show that men hear the phrase “I love you” 5 times more often after purchasing jewellery to the girlfriend than after sex.
  3. When I hear phrases like “People love you not because of your looks but because of your personality”, it doesn’t make me happy at all, because my personality is even worse.
  4. If you want people to love you, it’s very easy: Simply smile and don’t tell them what you really think of them.
  5. The simplest way to find out whether the girl is interested in you is to call her and cut of the call straight away. If she doesn’t call back, then she is not interested in you.
  6. Every woman want mutual love but also with respect. It means, not just “You have a great ass” but also “Did you get home safely?”
  7. Don’t feed your love to the one who is not hungry for you.
  8. Why girls always look down when a guy professes his love? — To check that he is telling the truth.
  9. Love makes a man better. At least, it makes him shower, shave, and wash socks.
  10. Only when you break up with the person, you become really interested in everything about her. That’s one of paradoxes of love.

10 Russian jokes about dating

  1. She doesn’t write to you first, you don’t write to her first. Then you get married to other people and think about each other for the rest of your life. Idiots.
  2. They have been enthusiastically discussing music, art and architecture for 2 hours. Then he mentioned his wife and suddenly there was nothing to talk about.
  3. You are thinking too much about finding the right person and not enough about being the right person.
  4. If a guy haven’t fallen crazy in love with you and asked you to marry him within the first year, there is no point to continue. You both are simply sleeping together waiting for someone better to show up.
  5. The tale of Cinderella shows that any girl only needs to stay beautiful until the midnight. Then it’s all about luck.
  6. Imagine what would be if our ex-partners were giving us recommendations, like our ex-employers…
  7. I would not mind get stuck in a lift with her.
  8. Guys, would it be a problem for you if you invited a girl to a dinner and she ordered lobsters? — Not at all! McDonalds doesn’t sell lobsters.
  9. Looking for a girl for marriage. With her own uncoloured hair, her own unplucked eyebrows, her own eyelashes without mascara, her own lips without lipstick, and so on. Altogether, a fairy tale personage.
  10. It’s bad manners to be rude to people you don’t know. First, introduce yourself.

10 Russian jokes about marriage

  1. Do you agree to be with her, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, till death does you part? – Yes, no, no, yes, no.
  2. When he was late from work, she was always waiting for him with a home-cooked dinner, and he was bringing her flowers. Then she found out his mistress was a florist.
  3. Give a wife a fish, and she will tell you, “Clean it yourself”.
  4. Wife asks her husband, “Do you love me?” – “OK, what you want to buy?”
  5. Mommy, when I grow up, will I have a husband? — Yes, if you grow up smart and good. — And if I grow up bad and silly? — Then you will have several husbands.
  6. Wife: You don’t love housework, gardening, going to a theatre, and you don’t even like my mom… — Honey, I love you so much, there is nothing left for anything else…
  7. Wife: Honey, would you agree to let another man have me in exchange for a million dollars? — Well, if he agreed to be paid in instalments, YES, OF COURSE!
  8. The man who is good at hiding things is considered faithful.
  9. How to end a fight with a spouse: “Honey, one more word and I am a widow!”
  10. What do women whose marriages are unhappy do? — Keep asking their girlfriends, “Why are you still not married?”

10 Russian jokes about women

  1. Tell a woman 100 times that she is pretty, she won’t remember it and will ask you tomorrow again. Tell her once that she is fat and she will remember forever…
  2. It’s not hard to find out what a woman wants. What is hard is to find money to get it.
  3. Women always call me freak until they find out how much money I have. After that they call me freaky pauper.
  4. The best way to make a woman question her decision is to agree with it straight away.
  5. Women say that some things they can never get used to. For instance, the look of her face in the mirror in the morning.
  6. How to make a woman furious: (1) After her trying various outfits for 2 hours and getting dressed, ask her, “Are you really going to wear THIS?”. (2) Run.
  7. Guys, if a woman tells you, “The most important is not a gift, it’s attention”, let me assure you: The most important is THE GIFT!
  8. Men are definitely more knowledgeable about beauty. How women can understand beauty if they like MEN?
  9. An intelligent woman is not the one who doesn’t do mistakes, but the one who understands when, where and with whom she made them.
  10. The old days men liked women, now they like their Instagram photos.

10 Russian jokes about the meaning of life

  1. Everyone really wants to know the truth! And no one wants to believe it…
  2. Out of the two people who argue, the guilty one is the one who is smarter.
  3. If you are trying to align your life with what the majority of other people think, remember that the majority of other people have already died!
  4. Life hack: Behave as if you trust people, but never do it.
  5. 2 hardest things in life: to forgive and to do as you are told.
  6. Money doesn’t make you happy. So, you can just give it to me.
  7. I totally dislike the everyday reality, but it’s the only place where I can get a steak and a beer.
  8. We all know how to live the right way, but who will make us?
  9. So, you waited, then waited a bit more, and the problem didn’t resolve itself? It’s very strange, don’t know what to say, you did all you could.
  10. Let’s be optimistic: 100 years ago everything was way worse.

Many people say that Russian jokes aren’t really jokes, they are simply a very dry take on the reality. What do you think?

33 Russian jokes about men and women, love, and life.Read also:

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