There is racial discrimination, gender discrimination, and there is age difference discrimination. The experience of a woman married to a man 21 years her senior shows that people treat her nicely when she is out alone, but give her dirty looks when she is with her husband. She is happy in her marriage and deeply in love with her husband. The only issue is social unacceptance. She learned to live to be content with the age difference bias and accept that the society’s attitude won’t change, but it still bothers her.
(The original post appeared as a comment to the article “Age difference in couples—seeking an ideal?“)
Married 11 years and still in love! I’m 36, he’s 57
By Jessica
I am 21 years younger than my husband. We just celebrated our 11 year anniversary.
I look even younger than my age but love took over and I followed my heart.
We are best friends and we have so much to say to each other that there’s not enough time in the day to say it all!
He has more energy than me. I’m 36, he’s 57. He’s the most fun person I’ve ever met, I’m completely attracted and satisfied with our happy relationship.
The only difficulty that seems to be, the only issue is social unacceptance. Passerby’s and judgmental people out in public who give us dirty looks probably assuming that he’s my sugar daddy and that is NOT the case. We live in an 1100 square foot modest home in a modest town.
It bothers me that people just can’t be happy for us when we are so happy, we can’t contain ourselves!
It’s just preconceived notions and the negativity that the world has put in people’s heads about age difference.
It still bothers me. When I’m out alone, people smile and even say hello and they treat me so nice. It’s just sad.
We have a lot of friends who love us and know who we really are but most of them are older than me.
I have been lucky enough to have two friends my age with the same age difference as me with their husbands.
I just want people to be more accepting in the public world, but one thing I am learning to accept myself is that is not going to happen.
I have to be content with dirty looks from judgmental people.
The love I have for my husband will not go away, so dealing with the world’s point of view is my biggest issue.
Featured image: Stock photo
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Well said!! We live in a time where communication and transportation has really widened our social circles to be as big as the globe itself. As a high-functioning autistic who has never married but has been a member of this site for many many years, I appreciate the much lower level of critical judgementalism of the Russian culture with regard to age differences between men and women in a marriage. These strangers in whatever country have no way of knowing you as a person or the experiences in your life that have shaped you and helped you to make the… Read more »
I am so glad to hear that someone could live a hppy life together with a such difference in age. I met my husband when I was at university, I was young and didn’t understand the whole problem. At first we were happy together but later I started to notice our problems. Our difference was 14 years. I made a mistake to marry him. We couldn’t hear each other, we wanted different things.
Interesting perspective. I see both sides of the story but still struggle to genuinely believe how a relationship can be based on true affection, when there is such a large disparity in age. Most of such relationships occurs when there is a huge disparity in wealth between the man and woman. This story proves the exception not the rule.
David,
Do you believe that attraction can only arise to someone your age? Or that a man of 40 years old cannot be attractive for a woman who is 20?
If you think from it for a second not from your own prospective, but from the prospective of the young person. Haven’t you ever been fascinated and strongly attracted to someone older than you? Was it because the person was rich—or there was something else?
“Or that a man of 40 years old cannot be attractive for a woman who is 20?”
Of course a man 40 years of age can be attracted to a woman so much younger. This seldom happens organically though, that’s why the expression of being “sugar daddy” is so common.
And “No”, I’ve never been fascinated with someone that much older than me in a romantic way.
David,
If you were never attracted so someone much older, it’s possibly why it’s hard for you to understand. It’s the same why some people struggle to understand same sex attraction or interracial attraction.
I was hugely attracted to a man 20 years older when I was 21 and I can understand how it feels. It didn’t work out not because I was not attracted enough but because I could not believe that someone so amazing could be really interested in me.