In the Russian Federation, where women compete to get a stable boyfriend (or preferably lock him in a marriage as soon as possible), cheating is rampant. Not from the side of girlfriends or wives but on the part of boyfriends (husbands) who don’t think they have to be 100% faithful to their chosen ones. But why girls tolerate disloyalty?
Why cheating by guys is so widespread in Russia
How can it happen, would you ask?
If a guy is disloyal, he must be doing it with another female. So, how does it work that guys sleep around but Russian women remain loyal?
Well, it’s easily explainable.
Guys simply don’t reveal to girls they meet that they are, how to put it properly, not really available as a husband or a potential groom—because the position of #1 lady in his life is already occupied.
Because single Russian girls really want a steady partner (boyfriend or husband), they enter a relationship with hopes of finding The One to walk to the altar with.
And usually only after being intimate (possibly more than once)—when the girl starts asking questions of the type, “Where this relationship is going?”—the guy finally breaks to her that he is involved or married.
Surprisingly, not every single girl walks away at this point, although the majority do.
Many Russian ladies fancy believing, “If he is cheating on his wife, his marriage must be basically over, so I can marry him, I just need to convince him to get divorced and tie the knot with me instead”.
There are even training courses and online eBooks, quite popular and widely advertised, “How to marry your married lover”.
So, the path is seen as “taking him out of his bad relationship and giving him the happy life and love that he deserves.” What a noble purpose for a good woman.
Demographics of Russia with 86 males for 100 females (or 11 million more women than men) allow guys to find potential love connections easily.
There are plenty of single girls who want a man in their lives so much, they simply don’t want to think the sweet gentleman showering her with compliments and gifts might be married.
“All men cheat”
That’s the exact and widely accepted sentiment in Russia by both males and females. You may think I am embellishing but I am not.
“All men cheat. And if they say they do not cheat, then they are lying or they are totally useless. The reason is banal, lust… Unfortunately, everything is very simple,” a young Russian male Igor confessed.
This opinion is shared by males and females alike: All men cheat, and only the ones who are worthless and undesirable do not—but only because they cannot get any woman.
As such, cheating becomes an attribute of a “real man”—the general notion being, “I cheated on my girlfriend (wife), so I am undoubtedly a desirable specimen.”
The fact that a guy “got” the girl by effectively lying to her (hiding the fact he is not available for a genuine relationship) is rather seen as a smart move than a character flaw. Especially among his mates.
“Men are polygamous by nature”
That’s another postulate that doesn’t require any proof for Russian ladies. I see it in one comment after another.
Russian females truly believe that guys are “physically unable” to abstain from philandering due to their inherent biological nature.
By the same token, females are designed to be loyal (monogamous), it’s a natural state for them.
Besides, the cult of love in the Russian culture allows a woman to give in to a feeling of strong attraction, no matter what are the consequences. If it’s for Love, it’s OK.
Thus, when the girl finds herself in a relationship with a guy who is married or attached (but of course he “doesn’t really love his wife anymore”, or he wouldn’t be cheating on her), she tells herself, “It’s okay because I am in Love.”
Evidently, it’s easier this way: The girl doesn’t need to feel bad about herself for getting involved with a married man. Or feel bad about the man for leading her astray. No scandal, no drama—everybody keeps moving along happily with what is already happening.
It’s always the wife’s fault
In Russia, if a guy cheated on his girlfriend or wife, it’s always the woman’s fault.
- She let herself go.
- Didn’t put an effort into staying attractive enough for him to want her.
- Didn’t give him enough sex.
- Or maybe didn’t cook him nice meals to feel welcomed and relaxed at home.
So, if a husband chose to sleep around in a marriage, it’s not him being deceitful but his wife’s not doing a good enough job as a woman.
“Husbands don’t cheat on good wives” is another view that is frequently voiced.
However, if a woman is unfaithful to her partner, then she is an absolute disgrace to the feminine kind.
Because if guys have an excuse (“men are polygamous by nature”, remember?), ladies have no way to justify their infidelity. Innately, she is simply not a “real woman”. Because women are monogamous by nature, so it’s not in a woman’s biological makeup to cheat.
The wife who cheats is a bad woman—but a husband who sleeps around is just being a man.
Nothing can justify a woman’s unfaithfulness
Another virtue of a good woman is standing by her man no matter what.
This means, no amount of husband’s mistakes and mishaps is an excusable reason to be unfaithful to him, as this, too, would signify a deviation from a good wife’s merits.
So, husbands are always excused for wandering, as they should be cared for and pleased by their wives, and if he had to seek delights elsewhere, this was obviously her fault.
But a wife has no defence or reasoning that would clear her name in the view of the society, if she is unfaithful.
Russian women about cheating
Just to give you examples of how Russian ladies think, below are translations of girls’ comments to posts about cheating from Elena’s Models blog.
Lilia: I think the reason why husbands cheat is his woman. Because a husband is just a grown up child, he requires affection and care. Men usually are jealous of kids or her job, afraid of getting less attention. This is why when a woman doesn’t give her man enough love and attention, they seek these things on the side. So, love your husbands and they won’t be getting mistresses.
Tanya: I think that men leave women because they miss something in their current spouse. They seek women with qualities or looks that are absent in their wives. Women resent that men get mistresses, not realizing that it is sometimes their own fault. So, dear girls, change and keep your husbands close by.
Nina: If a guy wants to cheat on his woman, no force can stop him from this step. The task of every female is to ensure that her man never has such a desire.
Alice: I believe that men are polygamous by nature and almost all of them philander. Even the very devoted, who are in love and satisfied by their life with their spouses, these men do it, too, or at least fantasize about it.
Kate: I have a male friend, he is married. And I know that he is unfaithful to his wife, although they are only married for 2.5 years. And he says that simply the sexual relations became unexciting. He wants something new. But he doesn’t intend to leave his wife and loves her very much.
Lisa: Males are polygamous, they have the instinct of a conqueror hardcoded in their genes. So, he can love one woman, i.e. his wife, and sleep with others. But [it happens] in the case if the wife pressurizes him or does something wrong. To save the family, the woman has to understand the male’s psychology, and do things so that the husband doesn’t leave her for a mistress.
Helen: When a husband or a wife cheats, it’s the fault of both of them. Because if they are fully satisfied in their relationship, and sex is great, and there is some fun in their mundane everyday life, then everything will be fine. We should make our relationships exciting, make some small surprises for each other (for example, once a month go on a date with your second half).
Bogdana: It’s everybody’s fault. Does a man know that he is supposed to be faithful? Yes, and he had been told that by multiple sources many times. Does the wife understand that her stupidity and laziness will bring about some consequences? Yes, but everybody tries to justify oneself and hope that the person will be tolerating the things she herself would not tolerate. The mistress is the funniest personage for me. She will anyway get hit over the head, but her brain doesn’t always switch on to become responsible for her own life. Maybe because she is a weak person or because of some other reason…
Olesya: If a man loves, he will never cheat. I was married and I was jealous about every girl. I could not find solace anywhere, I had been always thinking where he was, what was he doing… suspecting him in something… it was horrible. Finally, I found out about him cheating on me. It was very painful, and since then I am scared to let a man become close to me.
Natali: It’s not a woman who should be worried that her husband may cheat!!! It’s the husband who should be afraid that the wife will cheat, and then everything will be fine!!! And there is no need to talk about it, she should simply look after herself, be sexually attractive, maybe even flirt a little bit [with other men]… Let the husband worry about it!!!
Marmi: Our society is too imbalanced in views about cheating. If the man cheats, people say, “Well, who doesn’t”, and to women they say, “Forgive adultery to save the family.” As the saying goes, everything that is not forbidden is allowed. It is much easier to decide to cheat if this is not really condemned.
Luba: Men cheat when they feel freedom and impunity. Many men make up excuses to don’t feel guilty. The majority put the blame on alcohol. As for me, if a man loves his woman, he would not cheat on her. Every man should respect his choice and respect himself. But if it happened, then every woman should make her own decision. Women usually pick one of the options. Some, without even listening to the partner, cut off all contacts. And others forgive and even blame themselves for the partner’s philandering.
Amur: In our country a woman should be a subservient bedside slave and servant. If a husband cheats, then she was bad at pleasing/got fat/became ugly/cooked badly. At the same time no one would point at the husband’s moral filth. The deficit of men eliminates the issue of their moral qualities. Try to tell a married lady that to tolerate verbal abuse, alcoholism, and philandering is insane: Unfortunately, many will argue that it’s better to have a husband like that than no husband at all. “No matter how dreadful he is, at least he is mine.”
Marina: I believe a woman should initially choose a man who first of all respects himself and his choice, so if he is cheating on his lady, he is cheating on himself and doesn’t respect himself, not the wife.
Yulia: Not every man is capable of cheating. Some of them simply try to assert themselves this way. And others don’t need this at all, for such a man it’s important to be with his beloved woman, who suits him in all respects.
Sever: I do not understand why in our country everyone closes their eyes on cheating and even consider it normal—”Everyone does it”, “All men cheat.” This stereotype should be eradicated!