Trust is an essential ingredient in a romantic relationship. If you cannot trust a person, the relationship is deemed to fail and will never become strong.

Why is trust so important in a romantic relationship?

My partner, with whom we are together for over 12 years, once told me, “Trust a person until they prove otherwise. But one lie is enough to never trust them again. Once a liar always a liar”.

I find this view comforting and approach everyone with an open mind and curiosity. I want to find out as much as I can about them, and usually it’s easy to see inconsistencies if they are used to lying. If a person is trustworthy, their stories cross check.

If I find one lie, I know I don’t have to bother trying to reconcile it, and I know how to treat them.

It doesn’t mean he or she is a bad person. It just means they cannot be trusted and you have to create conditions for yourself not to be cheated or lied to.

Of course, if it’s your significant other, you have to simply get out, as it’s pointless trying to change someone who is a grown up.

How to find out if a woman is worthy of my trust?

My favourite ways of finding out if an individual is trustworthy:

1. Inconvenient questions. You know the usual issues that “should be avoided”: Politics, religion, money, sex. Do the opposite and ask inconvenient questions when the opportunity presents itself. If she answers truthfully (usually they hesitate and may even turn red because of shyness) and not something that would make them “look good”, then they probably are for real.
2. Past behaviour predicts future behaviour. When they tell stories about their past, listen carefully and see what they usually do in challenging situations.
3. Ability to learn from mistakes. We all have made mistakes in life. That’s how we learn to live well. If the woman seems to repeat the same error time and again, they are probably lying to themselves, and they most likely will lie to you.

In my work as a dating coach, I often consult people who struggle to trust others. It is a problem that affects your ability to build and maintain a strong relationship.

Another variant that makes it hard to date is when someone is too trusting and refuses to monitor their own safety.

For myself, I found that the 3 points above provide me with a peace of mind when I need to be sure about dealing with a new acquaintance.

Read also:

• Best tips for romantic relationships
• Success in love: What is the most important?
• Bad relationships affect your health — Research
• Why your new partner is likely to be like your ex