Studies show that the optimum length of a profile is 90 words. It’s not much. What should and should not you include in these 90 words of your profile?
Expert matchmaker Gerrad Gold listed his top 5 tips for women 40+ on Elena’s Models. Do you have any tips to add to this list? Comment below!
5 tips for women 40+
By Gerrad Gold (ElenasModelsMatchmaking.com)
As we get older the men-to-women ratio moves more and more in favour of men. The days of sitting back and waiting for that prince to sweep you off your feet are over.
If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, then you need to realise some realities. But also clearly understand what a profile means and how you should write it to be noticed and get those emails coming in.
1. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list.
Reaching 40+ means you should know yourself, your likes and dislikes. What has worked in the past and not worked. So, trying to publish a wish list at 40+ to men of your own age and older is trying to live in your 20’s.
Simply, you need to clearly describe who you are and what it would be like being in a relationship with you.
More about what you have to offer at this time in your life and less about what a man should do for you.
Clearly at 40+ for both men and women what you have to offer as a partner is less needy and shows you’re a proper independent adult. This will make you greatly more attractive and you will see a huge change in the quality of men contacting you.
BTW, how much is 90 words? This tip #1 was 141 words — before this paragraph! Check how long your own profile is.
2. Take it slowly.
Would you say to a person on the very first date or email “I’m ready to be your everything” or “I want a devoted man and be devoted to him”, even worse “I want to create a strong family“.
Kick these terms to the curb in your profile. It might mean something for you but it’s not something you say on a first date and neither should you put it in your profile. You are 40+ , experienced and mature. This approach is just needy and whimsical. Remember, the man on the other side does not know yet, so stop sounding needy.
3. Make space for a relationship.
“I spend my days working hard as a teacher, then go to the gym, so I am fit. 3 times a week I meet my friends at a book club and on the weekends I do volunteer work for my church.” – Wonderful, you certainly have a full life!
Oh, I forgot, you go on to say you look forward to finding a man for a long-term relationship.
STOP! When do you have time for that? Could a man reading this see you would have time for him in a relationship?
I have even seen statements from 40+ women who write these “full life” daily exploits and then say: “I don’t need a man but it would be nice to have one in my life”, or “I will make room for the right man.”
The issue here is you show no need (it’s also not good to be too needy), so where can he see himself fitting into your life? Surely, if you are looking for a partner, your best approach here is to make it feel like he can be a contributor to your life and be needed.
The harder line you take about your “busyness” and 40+ independence, the more it basically states to a man, “take or leave it”. So, he will probably leave it and move to the next profile.
These lovely couples met through Elena’s Models dating site. It works! If you make it work.
4. Don’t be boring.
Yes, that’s right: Stop being boring. At 40+ or even 50+, surely you have had great real experiences?
Do you put in your profile things like these (along with the other 20,000 women on EM that have these phrases in their profiles)?
- I love spending time with my friends.
- Reading novels;
- Love eating out;
- Walks;
- Gong to the theatre;
- Travel for new experiences.
Frankly, this says absolutely nothing about you or even makes you interesting to any man to read further. It actually would make most men’s eyes glaze over and fall asleep.
You need to paint a picture and be more personally specific. For example: A great restaurant experience for me is trying out new ethic eateries, I like a little spice (a subtle flirtation works well).
5. Get rid of the baggage.
Leave it where it belongs: 5, 10 or 20 years ago at the door.
Keep this downer (in fact it’s a double down) out of any profile or even first communications (best advice is to leave it out at all costs).
Here is what I see in so many profiles 40+ , mainly because we all had a lot of life experiences that have impacted us, even shaped us. However, these things are not a good to lead in your profile.
Here are examples that are very common:
- “I’ve devoted my life to my children, now it’s my turn”. This is not showing a prospective partner that spending time with you would be enjoyable.
- “I’ve have had some bad relationships and learnt lessons, it’s now time for a change to find the right man who will care for me.” Wow! Baggage in your profile plus how needy you are.
Do you think a guy 40+ who wants to enjoy his own life equally with a partner will have a desire to contact you and cheer you up?
What you need to do is to remove any baggage you have (it’s all in your head and its negative) and instead write how you will add positively to both of your lives and describe how you enjoy yourself.
Keep all the heavy things for later (much later), when you have taken time to know each other.
Realistically, by that time you won’t want to spend much time talking about it or let it affect you as your relationship will be blossoming and that will become more important to you than remembering the past. Your heart and mind will be on the NOW and future.
Online dating is easier than discussed and overanalysed.
You have the chance to be noticed from a single page profile for about 10 seconds at best. In approximately 90 words maximum, you better make it count.
Do you agree with these tips or disagree? Maybe you have something to add to this list? Comment below!
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Great advice. A profile is a first impression. The other person, man or woman, should see why you want to meet with them, and why they would want to meet with you. A list of interests is useless… a statement saying “I am always interested in trying out new experiences and learning new things” tells the man that you are likely to find an interest together even if you didn’t have it before. You’re probably looking to change countries anyway, so you’re probably open to new experiences… make it clear, and he’s more likely to be interested. Two things I… Read more »
Sorin, great advice!
I personally dislike long profiles, especially if they talk about meaningless things. I’ve spent 10 minutes reading it and here, I discover something that is a deal breaker at the last paragraph… I believe it’s best to only put in things that matter and make it count! A limit on how much you can say may push people think more carefully what to include, what do you think?
I agree with you about the problem with long profiles that are meaningless… but on the other hand, someone could write a profile at length that is completely well-written. A limit would help one profile, but harm another. Also, speaking a bit harshly here… perhaps it is fair for the readers of the profile, to give the writer rope with which to hang themselves. If they write at length and do it poorly, isn’t that something that could be used to make a judgment? If I see a 500- word profile that is written well, that profile jumps up in… Read more »
Sorin,
The goal of a dating site is to promote communication between people. If people don’t communicate, nothing will happen.
With this view, a good stimulating profile promotes communication. And it’s easier to write a short stimulating profile than a long stimulating profile. So, my view as the owner of a dating site and advice to people: Do it the way that will give you the best chance to be contacted!
More contacts = more chances to meet your match.
These are very good tips as a profile should spark interest and make a person want to start a conversation. Does the profile invite engagement in conversation, or discourage it? This goes for men and women. As for length, it should be long enough to capture interest, and not any longer.
Sorin is spot on with the minimal profiles, or the “I’ll fill it in later” profiles. That’s an instant leave it.
Marvin, we are not discussing “I’ll fill it in later” profiles. We are only talking about how much would one need to include for best results.
There have been studies on large dating sites showing the best results are getting the profiles that contain about 300 words. Possibly, we should check what statistics on profiles length and the popularity is relevant on Elenasmodels.
I see that I made the mistake of making my post too long. Should have stopped at the first paragraph .
I agree with you that a short profile is better than a long one.
Marvin, 🙂
Hi Elena,
Great article and pass on my thank to Gerrad, it’s a new approach to understanding online dating. However, obviously this was written for the women so how did the other side react to this article?
Goerge,
There is a big discussion on women’s blog! 🙂 But it’s mostly not about the tips; women mostly complain that there are not enough men on the site, the men have bad photos, don’t initiate communication, also arguing it’s wrong for a woman to contact men first etc.
Here is the link to the Russian article, you are welcome to translate the comments.
Thank you for doing this. I have been single again for three years. At my age I feel intimated to get out into the dating scene. How would a “foreign woman” might be a “better choice”. How do the Eastern European women think of divorced men?
Joe
Joe,
Eastern European women would prefer a man who is divorced to the one who has never been married. In Russia and Ukraine people feel that there is something not right with “eternal bachelors”. Most people had some serious relationship or been married by the age of 40.
Mostly women here think that experienced man is much better. But if he is bachelor for all his life – probably he always runs away from responsibilities and has no idea how to make decidions, so you cant rely on him.
Here I go again lol. It’s about the pic! A pic out in nature. A pic indoors. The pose. The setting. A pic in a vibrant color dress, AND a pic in blue jeans, AND a pic in soft pastel dress. Lots of legs showing. Boobs if that’s your body type. Hair! Hair is a biggie! The idea is “sexy virgin”, sexy shy girl, sexy regular girl, sexy smart girl, Orrr, sexy whore. The guy sees her pics. The pose, the dress, the setting. He likes what he sees. He contacts her on Skype. She thanks him for his interest… Read more »
Paul, men are simple, right? 😀
That’s what I keep telling the girls and they think there is something more to that 😉
Thinking is poison.
I know, right? 😀
As fate would have it, this very topic came up here. Women think there’s more to us guys. Great authors have written great novels of great romances and they’re very nice to read. We all (guys and girls) think we are so much more than our senses. It’s a dream of a kind and it ruins relationships when it’s the first and only thing in the relationship. We need to keep warm and fed first. We need to be satisfied or we are unhappy. If your head in under water, you’re not remembering a line from Cyrano de Bergerac. You’re… Read more »