Since people in Russia and other countries of the post-USSR republics (Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan, and others) still marry rather early, divorces are also happening when people are still young.
Morena Morana, a popular blogger, muses on reasons why this is happening.
Divorces are young
About half of my 30-year-old friends are already divorced. Among those who are 40+, the share comes up to 80%. Very often the women are the reason for the divorce. They sigh, “I was removing the hair from the bikini area, going to gym regularly, I am so wonderful, and he still left me. What’s his deal?!”
You know what? Trust me, men don’t leave because of the hairy bikini zone.
Not even because of the plus-size bodies. Everything is deeper.
Men and women view home differently
For a woman home is her universe, her kingdom, where everything has to be ideal. It’s her mission, her battle, so to say.
When a woman sees something not ideal at home, sirens go off in her head. It’s an attack! It’s an assault! It’s a siege! Urgently, all forces to liquidate the problem!
She is a general making a decision. We know her home is her job, or even more important than her job. She feels very important and highly responsible.
Private Husband! Go ahead! Fight the cat’s poo! Attack the Christmas tree!
But she cannot say that to her hubby, even though unconsciously this is what happens in her mind.
What she says in reality is something like, “Hey, what are you doing? You still didn’t get rid of the Christmas tree, the whole house is full of fir-needles! And the cat’s toilet is overflowing!”
If there is also a mother-in-law that loves to visit the young couple, she also views her daughter’s home as her own, and since the wife is her subordinate, everything gets even worse.
The number of wailing sirens at home doubles!
What is home for a man?
It’s his cave where he can hide from life’s storms. A reliable hideaway, his fort. The only source of calmness.
If the wife is insensitive and insensible, this contradiction drives him insane! He came home to rest, and here is this.
So, I would advise ladies to remember about this difference when they plan home chores. And don’t go all crazy on trying to keep home in an ideal condition, especially by means of the husband’s efforts.
I actually believe that the man has the right to get these things from his woman.
These things allow to make home the place that the man should be able to get, the resting place.
Respect
He should be 100% sure that no one will call him a loser, a bum, a freeloader at home. Let’s not even talk about worse names.
It’s never OK to disrespect the husband.
Just as one should never tolerate disrespect towards oneself.
And if you are allowing yourself to call the husband names in anger, saying things like, “What an idiot, you never can do anything right, what did you do here again?!” — then you are one foot into the divorce zone.
Silence
Yes, the husband has the right to get a portion of silence at home.
It’s the place where he can sleep and rest from the life’s storms. I understand, it’s impossible to achieve an ideal. But it’s possible not to increase the amount of noise at home, right?
No complaining mothers-in-law, no moaning, no yelling.
Mind his sleep, maintain the silence. When you are destroying silence with your screams and moans, you are in the divorce territory with both feet.
Beauty and harmony
You will say now that’s sexist, but I believe that the husband has the right to have an aesthetically pleasing wife who looks after herself. And a clean, comfortable home.
Now someone will want to start a conversation about the distribution of responsibilities in a working couple. For such situations, there are cleaners who come once a week, it’s easier to pay a couple of hundred once a week and forget about it.
Energy
Home is a place to charge his batteries. It means there should be everything to replenish the energy he had spent. His favorite food. The ability to watch a good movie. The ability to have a relaxing bath. A loving wife who hasn’t lost the zest for life…
Of course, the husband also has responsibilities. But it’s a different story.
All the woman needs to do is to ensure that home is the place of rest and not a place of a permanent war.
Do you think it’s impossible requirements to a woman?
What do you think? Did the Russian blogger got it right?
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I agree that often women are the reason for the divorce. Women need to understand that they create comfort in the house. Home is the place, where men can feel free, where he wants to have a relax after a hard working. So women must understand that men doesn’t like to hear screams or something like that.
Girls must give a moral and emotional support for guys, they need it. Guys are so powerful and brave. But in the soul they are so sensitive, and always needed in words of encouragement.
This is like a flash back to the 50s in America. Don’t get me wrong the divorce rate here is high but men and women here have a “grass is greener” mentality and are usually quick to abandon a marriage because they think they would be better off with someone else. This cycle repeats and I bet we have many more multiple divorces. But the roles in this blog aren’t what I’d ever want. I don’t think I know any couple who follow these roles. I also live in the center of the country and we’re arguably more conservative and… Read more »
I agree, especially about the part that a woman does not need to keep a home spotless. I am a Man, so do not care in any way. I am not sure about silence. I want to hear what my woman is worried about. I know she is a woman and needs to talk. It is OK. It is part of life
Very thought provoking article. I believe it could create a lot of debate in mainstream media. But I believe you are completely right, even if it is controversial to state that men have rights. Men want women because they are sexually attracted. Its that simple. If they get trouble in a relationship, then women are not necessary. There are other options. Men dont want to get home from work, sports, etc. just to be in a defensive position. They want relaxation, fun and intimacy. I believe gender equality can be a problem affecting this situation. Women have to realize that… Read more »