For the last few months we had several conversations with girls on Elenasmodels.com about gifts. It is such as hot topic that even debates about flowers (two of the important signs of attention for Russian women) do not reach such levels of polarization as discussions of presents from men.
“Every woman loves gifts”
The notion that every female loves gifts, regardless of her nationality, comes up most often in women’s responses.
There are also many Russian, Ukrainian girls who state that “wanting gifts from a man is a part of our DNA”. Mentioning DNA and genes frivolously is a popular way of saying that it’s something a person cannot change about themselves.
Some girls said that if a guy is much older than the woman, “he has to give gifts”, because youth has a price.
There are even statements from ladies who call gifts a sign of a man being a romantic, as well as the ideas that “if a man buys his woman clothes and shoes, his potential increases tenfold”.
(When required about particulars of the potential tenfold increase and real-life examples of such, I got a tirade that if I am unhappy, poor and don’t have good health, it’s my own problem because I don’t understand how life works. Whatever.)
Anecdotal evidence
Some girls told their stories of not even having a good pair of shoes while being a single mother, so asking for a present from a man wasn’t seen by them as something inappropriate but a plea for help that was really needed.
Even Russian guys chimed in (the discussion was trending online) and said something along the lines, “If you love to ride a sledge, love to pull it uphill”. Meaning that if you want to date girls in another country, accept the rules of the game.
Other Russian ladies living abroad were vehement that even in the countries where they live (the USA, Canada, Europe) guys are giving presents to women and females love it, too, so the need for a girl to get gifts from her man is universal.
Ladies who live in countries like the United Arab Emirates described the local custom of females going on a coffee date with a man only after he would give her a present such as a piece of gold jewellery, and advising Russian girls to stop being so timid and ask for things without hesitation.
In short, there were just a couple of Russian girls who said that a man’s offering a present is seen by them as an attempt to purchase their attention and would made them wary of the guy’s intentions.
All other ladies who commented that they love gifts and want men to give presents, without them needing to ask.
The majority of girls think that if you are in a relationship, it’s perfectly OK to ask a guy to purchase something for her on the spot.
Many ladies are convinced that females of all nations adore presents and wish to get them from guys who court them.
The statistics of women’s preferences
About 25% of women who commented on posts about presents point out that it’s inappropriate to ask a man to purchase things, although their justification is that they would want a man to do it himself, out of his own will. They are denouncing asking for a gift but not the desirability of a man offering presents.
However, the overwhelming 75% of Russian women, or 3 out of 4, are absolutely convinced that a man should give his woman gifts and it’s OK to ask for a present.
Moreover, the reports from our members are that there are courses in Russia and Ukraine for women on “How to get a guy to commit”, which advise to ladies to ask to buy her things, to ensure that the man is invested in the relationship, otherwise he wouldn’t value it.
The same notion is notorious online in trainings of various Russian dating gurus.
Once a man is giving gifts, then the woman, apparently, should feel at ease that he is not just trying to get into her pants but has honourable intentions and desires a serious relationship with her.
Please tell us what you think
The whole discussion achieved such depths of fury from both camps (“a man has to give gifts, otherwise he’s not in love with you, and it’s OK to ask” vs. “wait and he will do it, if he loves you“), it’s time to settle the matters and get to the source.
Tell us please:
- What do you think about gifts in a romantic relationship with a woman?
- Do you see gifts as a necessary part of the relationship?
- If not, why not?
- What is a necessary element in a relationship, from your point of view?
- How would you feel if a woman asked you to buy her a gift, when you were out on a date?
- At which point in a relationship you feel like buying a woman a gift, if ever?
- Did you in the past give presents to women you were dating at home?
- Anything else you’d like to add on the topic of gifts?
Thank you in advance for your comments, thoughts and ideas! They are invaluable to genuine women seeking to find a partner abroad on a dating site.
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I feel asking for gifts is a sign a woman may be a spoiled money pit. I rarely buy gifts for women, but when I do I make them good gifts, and I find they are generally underappreciated and underused if they are objects/tools that they wanted. I prefer to do things for a woman than buy her things that will be wasted. I also feel it is not a sign of a good relationship with a stable future, and not a sign that she is interested in the future of the relationship, because if she was she wouldn’t want… Read more »
Peter, thank you for your input!
Thanks Elena, these questions are useful. I’m glad you’re helping bridge the cultural gap. Also to note, I did receive a gift request from a woman and my heart sank. I was already planning to go meet her and was excited. When she asked me for a gift, a million questions came into my head about the honesty of her interest, and my emotions for her were damaged. I calmly explained that I would not buy her the (expensive) gift and explained that it didn’t seem appropriate to buy things for someone I hadn’t yet met. She apologized and understood.… Read more »
I think there’s a lot of nuance in giving gifts in a relationship. In my home country, it would be very concerning if a woman asked me to buy her something early in the relationship – I would be worried that she doesn’t have honest intentions. In international dating though, I’m a little more open to gifts because of the cultural difference and because it’s one of the only ways that you can materially demonstrate your affection over such a long distance… you can’t take her out for fun activities or nice meals, but you can send her something that… Read more »
Gifts/ presents = something unexpected (except for birthday, and some case when you invited to a house as a guest, like: housewarming/ new rent) and not obligation, not neccesary. To give depends on the person, what, when, after what time. To suggest/ ask for a juice, or ice cream, or similars at a long walk in a hot summer ok. Or even some suggestion if the guy wish to give something (express it), but unsure about what is desirable – before happens: Oh, thank you, well actually I have 50 at home, but thank you. 😀 But nobody can ASK… Read more »
I have recently run into this issue. And I believe there is quite a bit of a cultural divide here. First my story. I was seeing this Ukrainian woman. Very sweet very decent and intelligent and pleasant and beautiful. She actually came out and asked me for a gift. And to her defense, I did overreact. I felt that it was inappropriate and bad manners. And once I took my stance I dug my heels in. This was a mistake. I mentioned this story in another thread on here. And another commenter made some good points about the cultural difference.… Read more »
do not be sad, please. Continue your search, in Ukraine and Russia there are a lot of beautiful women for whom gifts from unfamiliar men are not important … Women are different .. And you will surely meet the one who will need good relations and not gifts)
Let me somehow clarify this issue, at least tell you how I see this problem. Maybe it is not about gifts itself, but about demonstrated men’s desire to be in charge and support his lady. Generally I think women from FSU countries are not materialistic. It has been a long history when women carried the families and worked just as hard as men and even harder in USSR. I can tell you about my Mom as example – she worked all her life, but my dad did not. She used to earn more money than her husband, and to play… Read more »
“So the man who is able to earn money and take the leading role is seen as an ideal candidate, more reliable. How the gifts work in this situation? It demonstrates that man is not a lazy and egoistic one, who will sit on his lady’s neck. It means that he is able to care about his wife in hard situations and support his children as well.” I take it a bit to personal field: 1. Offer an insigh how some people think (I am not unique in this) 2. And interested in your opinion (and experience how other girls… Read more »
Well let me explain more about how gifting works in my country =) I have a valuable experience living both in Ukraine and abroad (USA), so I can see the cultural difference. But again, it is only my opinion. It is not a secret, that people in Ukraine are financially more restricted than in the US. For example, a pair of shoes (not fancy, just decent ones) cost like half of your monthly salary. Jeans cost like 1/5 of average monthly wage, kids toy cost almost the same. So gifting down there is a very practical thing =) No one… Read more »
Please ladies don’t do it! Don’t try to get out of possible relationship a means to “meet your ends”, have some pride!!! You deserve something better than “meet the ends” with 40$ gift, otherwise, with such rationalizing, you really put yourself in a hole which you will never-ever get yourself out of, in your entire life! Just not worth it! 🙁
I think timing matters. If on the first few dates and she asks for presents, then it’s a turn off. To many women in the US are spoiled and if you ask for gifts before the relationship matures, then it’s a bad thing. But if my girlfriend pointed out that her shoes have holes in them I would most certainly invite her to go shopping with me so I could buy them for her. Pushy is not attractive, but sincere attention by both sides of the relationship is important.
This is one of the best articles I have read on your site Elena because what a man will do in this situation will make or break a relationship. First lets define “gift.” A gift does not have to be a thousand dollar iPhone or fur coat. It can be a set of earrings, a necklace or a charm. Think about all the money it costs to fly to the Ukraine, stay in a hotel, go out to eat and other entertainment. Then to bring a woman here is more money. Add it up. Probably between $5000.00 and $10,000.00? Guys… Read more »
I don’t buy Women. Period. No happy endings, No goods for services. Smiles, love and connections. It’s there or not. There is only one Billionaire per 3,750,000 people. Not saying I’m one… but close. It changes day to day. You buy Whores, mostly with “Gifts”. Incentives work on most females. Pay to lay. After all, HYPERGAMY is a social disease…!!! It is the responsibility of a man to provide love, understanding, support, caring and GIVING to his wife and children. NOT girlfriends. Oh, you should be nice, just nice enough to allow her to see your inner self. Beyond that…… Read more »
I think it’s just fine to give gifts to a woman you are interested in. As the relationship develops, a proper man should give gifts especially when they are not expected:-))) Guys… if the woman you fall in love with, you cherish her affection and love she shows you every day, do something nice for her!! Believe me, it simply shows you love her and think about her well being. Be the man she expects you to be and treat her well. She will appreciate your kindness and affection you show her and simple gifts go along with a happy… Read more »
Knowing that a girl considers gifts a must and expects from me to give her gifts all the time, it would certainly be a date braker. A girl like that would instantly send a message that she is in the relationship not for romantic reasons but for financial ones. I dont mind spending money on my girl, I am doing that all the time. I will pay all the bills at restaurants, I will pay all expenses for a trip to Paris together, I will buy the occasional gift on her birthday … but knowing that she expects from me… Read more »
Hello everyone, I met a very impressive woman from the Ukraine. I got her email and phone number with in 2 months. Which I gave her gifts thru the site. But after receiving her information, she started asking for more gifts and money. I assume she is telling the truth when she said she is a teacher, and not well off with money. But we “fell in Love thru emails “she sends me beautiful personal love letters. So I went to visit. She has never asked me anything about me, but I’ve always asked about her. Which she never reply’s.… Read more »
Steve,
STOP USING PAY-PER-LETTER DATING SITES.
They are scams!
Read this:
https://blogs.elenasmodels.com/en/ppl-dating/
First, I have had such a mixed experience online, I want to go to Ukraine, I want to go to Russia. My friend in Ukraine, a successful business man–also, he fought in Crimea–gets angry with me if I speak of Russia. I want to go, meet someone in person, start normally. Starting out like that, I want to buy inexpensive things, something personal, like jewelry, but not Cartier, flowers, chocolate. After dating for a couple weeks, I am not the type to jump in bed, we are still friends, maybe a $100 shopping trip. We may take a trip, maybe… Read more »
What are you guys talking about? Russian women require gifts, they are mercantile. This is a misconception. You should study the history of Russia before judging Russian women. Russian people have always been considered the most generous and hospitable people. Even during the Russian Empire, Russian wives threw rich houses and went to Siberia for their husbands. Because love and loyalty for the Russian woman in the first place. And during the war, Russian women gave food to captive enemies. Even today, the Russian people welcome guests with a rich table and treats. Russian man is ready to give the… Read more »
Olga I am not sure why you are surprised. Russia and Ukrainian women asking for gifts is common. This is why this thread was created. You sound like a generous woman. But not all Russian women are like this. I had one woman who agreed to meet me and we had been corresponding for two months before the meeting. Just as I was making travel plans she told me she required $500 per month to see me. And if I did not pay this I was not a “real man”. I told her this was something new from her and… Read more »
I don’t want to upset you, but you met a scammer. I know one girl, she lives on the money that men give her. and she loves one guy. she received money from rich fans. and she bought him an iPhone. she constantly buys him expensive things. and other men she just uses. this woman did not love you. if she really wanted a relationship. she wouldn’t act like that. I saw a lot of stories on TV. how Russian women sent money to foreign grooms. and those were just a crook. so it is not necessary to condemn all… Read more »
Olga…I agree completely she was a simple petty criminal taking advantage of people. And I treated her as such. But I never loved her. I never had the chance to meet her. She showed her true self before I ever made travel plans. And she never got any money from me. Problem is like I said. It’s bad for men because it is so much wasted time and so difficult to detect. And even worse for FSU women because it continues a perception in the western world that FSU women are scammers and just trying to use men. This second… Read more »
Feed! Be happy: she was straight about expectations. She was on the search of patrons, not on relationship. But also picky about them (supporters). You find thousands who do the same for example in Odessa, which famous about it. Once a girl (she is Russian) send me this response: “my friend, I’m not interested in any relations in any form except cash) I am materialistic and vulgar girl, so please understand and forgive me for my insolence))” I believe this is straight, honest, clear, and I have no problem with this. Also have no problem with girls who wish to… Read more »
Dear Olga! This is not about be generous/ give presents during existing marriage/ relatives, or with friends, or guests. It is a question of gifts during dating/ courtship in a male-female relationship. For example I send a gemstone necklace for a gilr to St. Petersburg for her birthday, but we not dating at all, and never did. She simple a nice person and we are in contact. Anyway she give a present for my birtday too, so this is bilateral. Another girl from Belarus (conversation partner, we are not dating) have a different opionion about gifting, and actually forbid to… Read more »
I’m sure that presenting gifts is necessary part of the relationship. For every woman that I know it’s a sign of affection, amorousness and finally, of love. Women like generous men who can show their love not by words but with the help of actions. It’s standard situation when a man buys flowers for the dates to show that it’s important to him and he wants to make something pleasant for a girl. Maybe it’s not polite (for Russian or Ukrainian women) to accept some expensive presents on the first or second date. But then all of us wants to… Read more »
Rina2016, I think you got into a wrong thread — this was the question FOR MEN (read the heading of this post). What you girls are trained to do by the local media and the arguments you put forward to feel justified in asking for gifts, we’ve heard this all before. Yes, it’s true, guys — just buy her a few presents and give her flowers every day, and she’s yours… That’s the way Russian, Ukrainian girls were brought up, looking for these silly things as the “proof of love and serious intentions”. When I try to show them how… Read more »
Elena your job is a big one. You are trying to bridge a great cultural divide. And being in this position is not an easy one for most people to understand. I feel your frustration.
Thanks for what you do.
I really adore receiving presents from my beloved man. As for me, it is a necessary sign of attention. It doesn’t need to be something expensive, by the way. But a little gift is a tiny price for seeing your soulmate happy and delighted, right? Anyway, I would like to find out more about man’s point of view about that.
To my mind, gifts play big role in relationship with a woman. But as for me they should not be always expensive. For example, simple bunch of flowers can make your girl happy, if she truly love you. Nowadays, girl asked their men to buy them new Iphone or some jewelry. I don’t really understand this, especially when u just started dating. True man will conquer the top of any mountains for you, if they feel enough love. As for me, I try to give my girlfriend gifts every day. Don’t laugh, it’s true. I give her flowers, cookies, candies… Read more »
Yaroslav, thanks for contributing!
Guys, that’s what FSU men think… they too are trained, “gifts = love” 🙂
“I try to give my girlfriend gifts every day. Don’t laugh, it’s true. I give her flowers, cookies, candies and everything similar to this. She feel so happy with every my present. That is why I want to make her happy always.”
Read also this post:
What does attention mean for Russian women?
I don’t think there are any general rules. It depends on a woman, on the situation, on the kind of relationship you have… Talking about myself, on the first date I would be glad to have a flower (for example) as a sign of attention. But a more expensive present would make me feel uncomfortable, would make me feel that I owe something to this man now. As relationship develops I would be still glad to get presents, but it’s not a rule. Just something pleasant which tells that your man is thinking of you and want to please you… Read more »
As for me I think the man should give gifts to a woman to show his feelings. But they mustn’t be very expensive. And I’m against asking a man for them. He’ll do it himself If a man is gone on you. Gifts are not a necessary part of the relations. But being together and have common interests are good features of romance.