what-to-answer-on-dating-site-1From time to time both men and women receive messages on dating sites that are as short as, “Hi, how are you?” Many people wonder what to answer in response to such short mails.

In essence, short mails on dating sites act like an ice-breaker, to find out whether the person is interested or not. When you receive an email with basically no content, it’s very much like a smile or expression of interest.

EOI’s vs. mails

On Elenas Models both men and women can send an Expression of Interest (EOI), which allows them to find out whether the other person is interested or not. When you send an EOI, you don’t need to type anything, as well as when you answer one, simply select an option: yes or no.

Mails, on the other hand, are different. You type what you want, and on Elenas Models, you can also include your contact details (email, Skype, phone number etc). When you receive a mail as opposed to an EOI, you can answer it in detail, rather than simply indicating your interest.

What to answer to short messages

It would be wrong to answer such an email with just, “I am fine, thank you”. It is an invitation to start a dialog. If you are interested, check the lady’s profile, which often has a lot of information about her. This is basically what she is doing, trying to attract your attention to her profile.

If she seems to be the person you’d like to get to know, thank her for her interest and introduce yourself, tell her you’d be excited to communicate further. Ask her a couple of questions, connected to the information in her profile. In other words, follow the rules of how to write to a woman on a dating site.

What contacting you means for her

what-to-answer-on-dating-sitePlease remember that it’s quite hard for women to initiate communication, as most Russian and Ukrainian women still believe that a lady should not approach a male first. Girls who receive a lot of interest from men usually won’t do it.

If she sent you a message first, it means, she is really interested in meeting someone like you and she was brave enough to start communication.

But if, on the other hand, you don’t really see yourself with someone like her, you can simply respond with “Polite no”. In this case, you don’t even need to open the lady’s mail, just check her profile and click the button to send “Polite no”. There is no point in starting a dialog with someone you don’t feel attracted to. But it is a nice thing to do to still provide an answer.

Hope this makes it simpler for you to decide, what to answer to “Hi, how are you” messages on a dating site!


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David Davidovici

There is a lot of truth to that comment. I agree totally. Good writing. Thanks for the insights. David


answer could be something like below…

I am fine thank you and you? It was a rainy day today so i had to cancel my hiking trip and watch movies at home. How about you? How was your day today? (or weekend) 🙂


Great article. Thanks for the advice 🙂


Great post. It’s good to get a perspective on how difficult it may be for the opposite sex to initiate contact, particularly with a language and distance barrier.

I, myself am very grateful to receive EOI’s and always try to get to know the lady before a “polite no” is considered.

I’m a relatively new user, but the EOI icebreaker is one of the best features on this site.

Thank you and good luck all!


Good article and helpful advice.


A short mail like “Hi, how are you?” is of course a good ice breaker. On the other hand, adding a personal note to the short mail – like “Hi Kurt, how are you? What’s up in London today?” – could be a more pleasant ice breaker. Then, I would know that the lady has read my profile, knows my name and is really interested in me.


Shines a light on what the other half are thinking


Good advice elena

Michael Gregorius

Normally, it is usual that a man makes the first step. Nearly in the whole world it is the same. Woman are in one sense “passive”, that means awaiting the man’s initiative.
But, we are living in the Year 2015. It is wonderful, that it is no break of Society rules, when a woman makes the first step. She is than not loosing, she only can win – the same is by a man. The chances today are 50:50 and it is equal, who is taking first the initiative. Maybe I am wrong, but this is my opinion.

Tim Smith

I like this site and all the very real life “How to..” insights, unfortunately I have been a user of other PPL (Pay Per Letter) model sites and believe right out of the gates the EM member based model has nothing to hide and everything to gain by being good support for ‘we Western Boys’ who are in dire need of caring guidance to satisfy lonely hearts. Keep up the great work Elena and staff. You are the ‘icing’ on the dating cake.


Merci beau coup for those notes! I am not familiar with the “EOI” and the proper response protocol — is an EOI like a ‘poke’ or ‘wink’ that Facebook uses? (I do not have a Facebook page… just LinkedIn… and LinkedIn doesn’t have EOIs or winks or pokes or ???…)


When we write to men it’s because we liked him, and because most guys only send eoi’s and do not write. I know we shouldn’t take it so seriously but it really takes guts to email to a guy first. I only emailed to 3 or 4 men and none of them answered, so I am no longer putting myself on the line. I prefer to talk to men who already have interest in me.


I never thought of it this way and had always ignored very short messages like this. I will think about them differently now.

nicholas lovatt

I always get the feeling it really is that initial ‘hi’ that is always the most difficult to say and reply to, more so notable when there is a dream to be, if both people are so shy but deep down think it may work it can be like a romantic film, but the rewards from being a little more confident to say more than a simple ‘hi’ and reach out for the dream… it may just become reality……


All good advice. Thank you!


In my opinion a first-message containing only “Hi how are you?” isn’t a good way of begin a authentic and genuine conversation. A first-message have to say any more, maybe a little introduction about person or any comment about destinatary’s profile.


To my mind if a man wants to show his interest in the lady, he can add some additional information – just a few words why exactly he is interested in this particular girl (for example, make a compliment to her appearance or profile). Maybe some similar interests that can be a nice topic for the next letter or ladies responce.


Sometimes the greeting and a simple question can lead to a stackjaw. Because you know that the further relationship depends on your answer. The first impression and so on… This responsibility can drive some people crazy. So this advice is very useful. Thanks:)


“How are you?” is just the first step, the beginning of the conversation. So, if you are really interested, you can write in response whatever you want. Anything to continue the communication. The best way would be to ask something in response, I think.


Such questions always make me nervous. Just do not know what to say to continue the conversation with that person.