Scientists want to know everything and this time they decided to figure out whether people are more attracted to the candidates that match what they are looking for in a partner. What they discovered, no matter what people say, they aren’t more attracted to the candidates who actually possess the qualities they seek.

We want what everyone else wants

At the end of the day, even if you list some positive qualities that you think are especially important to you, you are not going to be more attracted to this person than if a random stranger picked some qualities they liked, and this person had these features.

In other words, what the researchers discovered is that we all want something positive in a partner. But if they ask you what are your top-3 qualities that you want in a partner, it’s just the same as John picked 3 qualities he wants. We all want the same things!

• You may want someone fun, pretty, and intelligent.
• John may want someone sweet, kind, and caring.

In the study, researchers discovered that people didn’t actually feel more attraction to potential matches who listed these features, which they said were important to them, as compared to some random positive attributes. Not any more than to something another person listed as important.

The University of California scholars concluded that there is nothing unique about our wishes for a partner, even though we may think so.

Most often people in the study thought they knew exactly what they wanted in a partner and it was easy enough for them to pick 3 most important attributes. But when researchers checked whether these attributes really mattered in a partner the study participants would pick, it was obvious that the preferences people listed weren’t specifically meaningful.

The study

• Over 700 participants listed their top-3 features they wanted in a partner.
• Then they reported how much attraction they had for a particular person they knew (friends, romantic partners, blind dates, etc.). On the surface, it looked like they indeed preferred people who matches their ideals.
• But then researchers checked another scenario. Someone else in the study nominated 3 qualities and the participants had to check people against these 3 qualities, named by a stranger. What happened, participants also had more desire for partners who they thought possessed these 3 qualities (not their own this time). Just the same as for “their own” picks!

This is where researchers concluded that while we nominate certain positive features as important to us, in reality we simply want a partner who is a good person. There is no special insight into certain characteristics that would matter in a relationship.

We simply want a partner who is a good person.

Implications

Researchers pointed out that their findings are highly meaningful for online dating.

People often spend hours reading profiles on dating sites, hoping to find a match for their ideals. But Sparks and the team from the University of California suggest it’s pretty pointless.

” Don’t be too picky ahead of time about whether a partner matches your ideals on paper,” Sparks points out.

Probably, it’s much better to talk to many people and feel the connection, if looking for ideal qualities doesn’t really work?

People simply may not list the things you believe to be important, but they still have them. There are hundreds of different features of personality that could be named, maybe she just thinks men are looking for something else?

Personal communication is always the key to developing attraction. Better start talking to women and work it out!

Read also:

• Guys, get your profile speak for you!
• What specifies a genuine profile on a dating site?
• Top-3 mistakes men make in their profiles on Elena’s Models
• How Slavic women view men’s profiles on dating sites