Some terms are confusing: For instance, is there a difference between realism and cynicism, and if yes, how to separate one from another?

Realism vs. cynicism

I would say the biggest difference is that realism is helpful while cynicism is unhelpful: Positive-minded vs. negative-minded.

Examples:

• It’s like a teacher who shows you a better way of doing things as opposed to a critic that only cares to make himself feel better on someone else’s behalf and has no regard to your feelings.
• If a young kid has drawn a picture, a realist would say something true but positive, and a cynic would pick on imperfections or say something that could destroy the child’s confidence and desire to ever try it again.
• Realism is not gloomy, cynicism is.
• Realism is about facts, cynicism is about judgement.

When I work with people as a dating coach, some clients are just so negative and cynical, it completely destroys their chances of finding a relationship.

In general, if someone’s opinions make you feel miserable, they are likely to be cynical rather than realistic.

How to stop being cynical?

Do you find it hard to build relationships with others because of the strong opinions you cannot contain? You are totally able to become better at it and even completely change the way you come across to people, if you really want to.

1. Look for positives. Even when things are going wrong, there is something lively happening around. Even people dealing with a death of a family member are able to laugh at a good joke — I know it from my own experience. If someone who has all the reasons to be gloomy can be laughing, you definitely can find something bright and light in any situation. The old adage about a prisoner who could enjoy the sun and the blossoming trees that he could see outside his cell through the window comes to mind.
2. Take care of another person’s feelings. You may have the smartest thing to say on your mind, but first think about the other human being to whom it is addressed or someone who could overhear that. Would they enjoy hearing it or can it make them feel uncomfortable or hurt their feelings? If in doubt, keep your bright thought to yourself.
3. When asked for your opinion, use the lightest possible shade of negatives and enhance the positives. There are dozens of different words in the English language to express the same emotion or feeling. For instance, angry feelings could be called fury, rage, fume, annoyance, irritation, frustration, etc. By the same token, happiness could be in different shades as well: Excited, thrilled, amazed, joyful, cheerful, etc. Downplay the unhappy feelings and verbally enhanced the positive attributes, if you want people to enjoy being around you.

You are still being truthful, but you will become a much more pleasant company!

Read also:

• What are you here for? Honestly?
• Want to be happy? Chat to people more
• Feeling bad about failure? It’s good for you
• How to evaluate a relationship?