Through my VIP Coaching Program men who are dating Russian, Ukrainian women can ask me questions. One of the most typical questions I receive is, “Why women I am talking to do not ask questions about my life?”
Why Ukrainian, Russian girls just answer but do not ask questions?
The reason lies in the fact that while men and women are equal in the workplace, in dating and courtship there are distinctive roles for genders. “Man is the hunter and woman is a prey,” a local saying holds.
- Russian and Ukrainian girls are brought up on the belief that if a man likes you enough, he won’t leave you alone, no matter what.
- As such, girls believe that the best way to test a man’s interest is to appear detached, to make him increase his efforts and value her more.
- The girls believe that if they show interest quickly, the man will think they are “too easy” and leave them.
- You are the man, you are supposed to be the leader. The one who asks questions and decides how much he is going to disclose of his personal life to them. For them it’s like asking their boss at work personal questions. If he shares certain information, they will be excited to know. But if he doesn’t, it’s impolite and immodest for her to show too much interest.
- That’s why women rarely ask questions. They also are unlikely to write to you without your sending them a message.
- Girls from the former Soviet Union will simply think you have lost interest if you are not writing to them. They know that a guy who is really into a woman will keep pursuing her, that’s how it works in Russia if he wants to be her boyfriend.
- If he doesn’t have serious intentions about her, he would give up. It’s best to find out quickly that a guy is just curious rather than serious, women feel.
(Find out more about the hunter-prey dating model here.)
How to use this to your advantage
When I explain it to western men, they most often react like this.
“Well, if Russian and Ukrainian girls want a western husband, they should rather learn to drop these silly games.”
Well, if you now know how these ladies think, how hard is for you to drop your usual courtship style and turn into a “hunter-pursuer”? Quite hard, right? The same for them. For decades women in Russia and Ukraine were conditioned with the values of modesty, gentleness, and shyness. Their mothers and grandmothers kept telling them that “a good woman should be modest.” Actually, even in your country 50-80 years ago women were taught to behave in a similar manner. Moreover, if a woman is assertive, in Russia she would be seen as “domineering” and labelled unsuitable for relationships. They simply can’t just “stop these silly games”—it’s not silly games for them but a usual, polite way of handling themselves.
“If these women want to live in a western country, they should learn western values.”
And how would they do it? It’s not possible while they live in Russia or Ukraine. Especially for young women who are brought up to be respectful, they are not rebels to deny everything around them and behave contrary to the local standards. They don’t even know if they are going to be successful in finding a suitable partner and establishing a relationship with a man from overseas. They are not “brides in waiting” but simply young women who try to get a cute guy noticing them at a party for singles, in this case on Elenasmodels.com dating site. It’s not more than this for them. They have not packed suitcases to move overseas. They just want to find someone to love, which in their view doesn’t require any special training.
“No one will do it.”
Well, while you may think that a woman should put as much effort as you do in a relationship, another guy simply follows the traditional suit that Russian and Ukrainian ladies are used to and gets results. It’s not that hard to be politely persistent. I know a girl who got married to a foreign guy that she didn’t answer for 3 weeks! She was too busy after registering on the site and simply didn’t answer anyone. He was the only one who kept writing even though he didn’t get a response. He wrote 3 or 4 mails to her and kept asking her to answer. She was impressed how much he liked her! Her view was, “This guy was so persistent, he deserved a response.” She believed he could be her Destiny. Now they are married.