why-russian-ukrainian-women-may-reject-youOne reason why western men date Russian and Ukrainian women is because even a below-average-looking guy can meet and marry a really beautiful girl. It’s true. In fact, a Russian saying holds, “A man should be only slightly more attractive than a monkey.” However, there is a pitfall, which scores of men do not understand.

I get plenty of comments from ladies on my Russian blog. One theme that comes very strongly is that many western men who come to visit their Slavic girlfriends fail to make a good impression, because of one simple reason: They are poorly dressed.

Yes, guys, Russian and Ukrainian women may say “No” a perfectly good man only because they do not like your clothes. So, you may fly 10,000 miles to see her, and be rejected because your T-shirt had a hole or wasn’t ironed. Actually, you may even be rejected for simply wearing a T-shirt.

What women think about your clothes


Don’t let your first date with a woman become your last.

A girl wrote on my Russian blog:

“The first thing, I evaluate a man by his clothes. Once I had a date with a man who came in shorts and a T-shirt (which looked worn), but with a rose! It looked horrible… that was our first and last date.”

Another Ukrainian woman asked for help:

“I have a personal question and it may sound silly. I understand about differences in culture, mentality, etc… But my boyfriend, he is American, arrived for our second meeting in a jumper that had holes… it would be OK if it was just a recent tear… but the jumper was really so untidy and torn on the sleeves that I was ashamed to walk around with him for 3 days, the rest of his clothes were also very old and worn. In our country you will never see a man who walks around in a torn jacket or shirt, only if they are homeless or extremely poor. I was feeling awful, but I could not find a moment or words to chat to him about his appearance. I feel it’s simply disrespectful to look like this. Can you please advise how to tell a man about that correctly, as I don’t want to offend him, so that he looks decent and doesn’t dress so horribly when he is with a woman?”

I get similar messages all the time, those two are just examples. Russian and Ukrainian women want to like you but they feel deeply disappointed when you come to a date looking sloppy.

Why your clothes matter to women so much

You may think it’s superficial, and I will agree with you, it is. However, before stomping your feet and thinking, “This is crazy!”, consider this: Do you like fat girls? What if a woman whose picture you liked and enjoyed talking to her online, had 120 pounds extra as compared to the photos in her profile? Would you feel resentful?


Which girl would you prefer? OK, the middle one, clearly. But from the two girls on the left and right, which one?

This is how women feel when you arrive in a shabby T-shirt or simply not dressed well. They are instantly repulsed. It’s similar how you may feel about a bad body odour, or picking one’s nose in front of everyone, or a girl swearing all the time. Revolted. She may be a nice person but you just cannot step over this little thing.

Women’s decision is not conscious. It is emotional. It’s nearly like a physical feeling when you see rotten food or smell something disgusting. Most Russian and Ukrainian women take great pride in their appearance. They are brought up to take care of themselves and look pretty. If you arrive looking badly, they feel deeply insulted, like you don’t care.

It’s very simple:

  • You want a pretty girl.
  • She wants a man who is well-dressed.

In fact, with Russian and Ukrainian girls, even if you are not good looking and athletic but you are well-dressed, you will score better than if you were handsome but badly dressed.

What Russian and Ukrainian women like


To impress Russian and Ukrainian women, dress like this.

Meeting fashion standards of Slavic ladies is simple: dress slightly more formal. Even if you wear a jacket, collared white shirt, trousers, and dress shoes for a walk in a park, they will not think that you are overdressed. They will actually feel good. They will feel that you care.

  • Instead of a T-shirt wear a collared long-sleeved shirt.
  • Instead of shorts wear long trousers.
  • Instead of sandals or trainers wear dress shoes.
  • Wear a good quality suit jacket.

Even if it’s warm, you can take off the jacket and roll up the sleeves of your shirt. Your trousers could be light slacks or cool designer jeans. Traditional lace-up dress shoes (derby or oxford shoes), which usually are not very comfortable, could be replaced with brand name loafers or monk-strap shoes.

If you do not even know what these names mean, don’t worry: you don’t need to. Shop assistants in department stores do.

Why should you change your dress style for women?


Nice clothes can be comfortable, too.

I know what you think: dressing like this is less comfortable. Sure. For Russian and Ukrainian women, it also would be more comfortable to cut their hair short, wear no makeup, dress in sandals and track suits, don’t shave or wax, and shower only when they feel like it. But they do things that are uncomfortable. They squeeze into pretty dresses, wash and curl their long hair, paint their nails, wear high heels, shave their legs and underarms, and use moisturisers and perfume. In short, they could be looking like ragged chaps but they take care and look like fair ladies.

The simple reason why you need to change your dress style when meeting women (even if you don’t wear such clothes every day) is that if you don’t, you cannot hope to find a Russian and Ukrainian woman who is very pretty. Beautiful women in Ukraine and Russia are used to care for their looks. This is why they care how you look, too.

You may think: But why do I have to do it, she is the one who wants an American (Australian, European) husband, she should simply stop being silly and get on with life!


Pick the style that suits you.

Again, a valid point. Then you may also stop caring about women’s appearance and just get on with local girls, regardless of their looks and behaviour. No, you can’t? Why not? Well, she can’t either. And it’s so much simpler if you just buy new clothes, that will solve it for everyone.

You can find brands of clothes and shoes that are more comfortable than others. For example, Coach loafers look great and nice to wear (according to my husband), they are also pretty inexpensive. Some shirts feel more comfortable than others, and Calvin Klein, for instance, offers dress shirts that do not require ironing. The same is applicable to trousers and jackets. There are materials today that are very low-maintenance, and you can find some cuts that suit your body type and feel good when you wear them.

The last point


Fashionable looks for men by Zara: blazer $79, trousers $59, shirt $49, shoes $99

3-4 collared shirts, a couple of trousers, a pair of shoes, and a jacket will only cost you $500-700. At the same time it will cost you $1500-3000 to visit a woman in Ukraine or Russia.

It makes sense that if you are going to spend $1500 on travel it’s worth to spend $500 on clothes beforehand, so you have a much better chance to be successful.

You don’t have to buy top brands (although it won’t hurt if you can afford it) — middle-price brands will do the job. A European brand that has taken the world by storm, Zara, offers latest looks for men that will melt girls’ hearts, and is priced inexpensively. Today you can buy any types of goods online, so there is really no excuse for looking poorly.

For ladies from Russia, Ukraine, and the former USSR, when they see a well-dressed man it’s like for you when you see a bit of cleavage and leg… it simply works wonders.



Neutral colours always look good.

  • Take a stylish female friend with you shopping — offline or online.
  • Ask shop assistants to recommend brands that are comfortable.
  • Buy clothes in neutral colours that won’t go out of fashion.
  • While you are at the shops, buy a cool perfume and antiperspirant, and remember to use them.
  • Shower 2-3 times a day when visiting a woman you are dating. Shave daily.
  • Have a clean shirt and deodorant with you in hand luggage, so you can change and freshen up on arrival, if a woman is meeting you at the airport. After 8 hours on a plane, you may not smell like roses.
  • Use breath freshener strips or mints. A pocket toothbrush may also be of assistance.
  • Remember: NONE of your clothes can be old or worn off, or have holes.
  • Your clothes have to be modern. 5-year-old outfits won’t work. Simply buy new.

All these things are very simple. But the difference it makes in how Russian and Ukrainian women view you will be tremendous.


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Good points are raised in this article. Looking presentable isn’t a big ask and a guy can look decent without spending a fortune. If I was a female, I certainly wouldn’t want my guy wearing shabby clothing in public. On the other side of the coin, when looking at profiles I’m far more interested and impressed with a woman that is decently and modestly dressed than one who is scantily dressed. In Helen Andelin’s book, “Fascinating Womanhood – How the ideal woman awakens a man’s deepest love and tenderness” she states on page 314 under the subtitle of ‘Modesty’ she… Read more »
Nelson Usoro
Elena, You are right but it happens in women too.Personally,I cannot tolerate my partner not dressing properly but that will not make me not love her.I will point it to her and if she cannot correct it,I will take her to shop and get her clothes that she will put on to impress me.Woman are just too picky and mean.If you really love your man,call him to order and help to change his ways of life.Some men are brought up from struggling and are just too shy to meet women because throughout their life,they have not lived a social life… Read more »

I agree it’s very important to be well-dressed for man. Just think: for what do you come to another country? I don’t think you come for walking and going back. If you really interested in woman, be ready to be an ideal man for her. Because girls looking for boyfriend, they want to be with him for a long time. And nobody wants to see a man who looking sloppy.

Another thing us gentlemen need to consider. Not only is it important to dress well, it’s equally as important to make sure that your teeth are in decent shape as well as your body. If you are not already you should be working out 30 minutes minimum a day, 3 to 5 times per week. I plan on visiting either Ukraine or Russia in early October and I will do all I can to look my best. Another great blog, Elena. Couple of quick questions for you. 1) Have you ever done a blog about interracial dating? I am African… Read more »

Okay, these cloths are nice for city folk. What about us country folk? I am a country boy and fashion is something we do not know much about. Would you have any suggestions, please?


Very fascinating article. Thank you, Helen. For me I can say that appearance also plays a huge role in getting acquainted and choosing a Man. Yes, maybe it’s not always true, but nothing can’t do with it. You must agree that look at a man dressed beautifully and stylishly is so nice. You just want to look the same perfect on his background. I respect these men, men with style.


In my opinion I would think it’s disrespectful to any woman in any culture to show up on a date in shabby clothes. If I am going to meet my dream woman, I am going to wear Armani and smell like Bottled from Boss. And I will not forget the Bjorn Borg underwear.


Boss???? You mean Aqua Di Gio or Eqoist right? Lol

Red Harris
Interesting article, Elena. I’m from Southern California, where the local idea of style is just much different than it is anywhere in Europe– or other parts of America, for that matter. Here, even the most stylish of us often wear shorts and a t-shirt with some type of casual boat shoe. Of course, the T-shirt probably cost $125 and the shorts $175 lol. Anyone here who dresses like the guys in your example photos would stand out like a sore thumb in most clubs or restaurants here– he would look like he’s just trying too hard. I know it’s different… Read more »
Red Harris

would, not wold–obviously

I completely agree 100% that it’s critical not to look homeless, however, if you really have no willingness or interest to dress up a bit more in general, or you have no willingness to let her dress you up a bit more, I think you should NOT change your style when you meet her, and your pictures should reflect your current style. If you have no style and you’re flexible, then fine, the pictures are the perfect place to start, but if you already have pretty good style… then what’s important is that your style is reflected in your pictures,… Read more »

The information mentioned here is very useful and trthful. The way people are wearing is more important in the Slavic coutries than in western Europe, where people do not pay much attention to the clothes of others. Maybe it is right, but Ukrainian and Russian women have different point of view and mentality. And if you want to impress some Slavic girl you must be pretty and tidy worn


I know a young man who wears tidy and neat but not expensive, branded clothes when he goes on a date. He does it on purpose so that a girl looks narrowly at his inner world but not at expensive clothes thinking how lucky she is and she has won big. This can be quite reasonable.


I would say Russian and Ukrainian women are very different. Moreover, I have my own experience and I may react on different way on the same things. For example my reaction on stylish dressed man could be different too. Sometimes, I could take him like a Barbie doll. This is most important for me what happened when a man start to talk …

Elena, Thanks for the great advice which is spot on. I have seen quite a few videos of American men going to Ukraine to meet a woman, and have to admit that the way many of them dress is quite embarrassing to say the least. Being retired and working mostly with my hands most of my life I still believe in “dressing up” when meeting a lady for coffee or dinner. Why not, it makes you feel good and it makes her feel good about being with you in “public”. Just my two cents worth. What is surprising to me… Read more »
Undoubtedly, good appearance is always considered to be a sign of excellent taste. When I see a well-dressed man, the first thought that occurs to me is that he is a handsome, charming, quite successful and well-to-do person who I wouldn`t mind making the acquaintance with. I`m sure that most girls think in exactly the same way, especially, when we talk about Russian and Ukrainian girls. But!!! At the same time we don`t have to exaggerate the role of appearance in our everyday life. I think it`s silly to buy very expensive clothes just to make an impression on other… Read more »
An interesting and informative article that hghlights cultural differences. While I would not go out with torn or untidy clothes I do think, especially in the case of Australians, casual clothes are the accepted norm and judging a man that is wearing the accepted norm in his country isn’t a very good way to start a relationship. It seems to me that both sides need to study the cultural norms of the other person so that a certain degree of leeway is afforded. I am by no means a physically attractive man. I am tidy though and would hope that… Read more »
Elena, lets go through your replies to me and see how they are either misinformed or just wrong. First I am not communicating with anyone from India and it is not the “norm” to do number 2s in the street in India any more than it is in many other countries. Go to Sydney and spend 24 hours, awake, in Sydney and you will see some strange things, does that give any off us the right to judge the other person for the way they live? No it does not, instead of judging them we would be better off being… Read more »
Wow, I seem to have started a little bit of a #2 storm here with my comment lol… Elena, it sounds like you married an Aussie? How did he present himself to you when you first met him? Do you remember if he swept you off your feet in stylish clothes that fit in perfectly in downtown Kiev? Or did he come in looking more like a typical Aussie–but had so much charm that you were willing to take him on as a fashion rescue project? And how did it go when you got to Australia and realized that you… Read more »
Ha, good story–I guess I did really over-extrapolate a little bit there… Sorry about that )) Well, this has been an interesting discussion, and it’s food for thought. You are right about one thing for sure, though–I am noticing that the more stylish a woman is in her profile pictures, the less likely she is to respond to my EOI. My profile style is mostly very casual. Maybe that’s a good thing (ie, weeding out those who would struggle with my style), or maybe I’m the one missing out. Maybe I’ll throw in some tuxedo pics from the last “Gala”… Read more »
Rainer Remagen
Dear Elena, You essay on the dress code, hole in the t-shirt, was quite relevant and important. I just graduated from law school and have a degree to be a paralegal, not a lawyer. I often was the only one who wore a shirt and tie in class every single day for the year plus months I was in school. Often students asked me if I was a teacher. Some female lawyers who taught class actually came in gray sweat suits and sat on the desk, not a chair, while giving us a lecture and drinking a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.… Read more »
Red Harris

I think you missed her point on the flexibility issue. You sound like you might be the example of the opposite extreme– standing tall against the surging tide of Western fashion… That’s fine if it works for you–but don’t be trying to impose that on the rest of us in the West. Many of us like our more casual style, and have as much right to it as you have to your more formal look.


Red Harris

You have to appreciate that the prevailing styles are different anywhere you go–not better or worse, just different. As for me–I’ll dress up a bit when I’m there, and then slowly ease my newly transplanted partner into a style that fits in better here (and that I’ like better anyway).


I am a woman. I also always look at a person’s appearance. As people say in Russia: Meet on clothes, and escorted to the mind. Clothing says a lot about a person. It’s his status and financial position. It is its neatness and cleanliness.


Hmmmm, not always Evgenia… In my job and in the place where I live, I get to meet and talk with some of the most successful, wealthy, powerful, intelligent and interesting people in the world. And I can tell you for a fact that if you saw many of them on the street, and you are a person who judges others by the clothes they wear, you would probably simply dismiss them as being not worthy of your time. If you go around judging books by their cover, you risk missing out on some great books.


Stan Young
Thank you for this informative article I found it very useful. To be honest though I would of thought that most of things you mentioned were common sense! I come from Australia, the costs to get to Ukraine are considerable, before leaving I went out and purchased a Huggo Boss suit , as you pointed out you dont need to spend a fortune but I wanted to look my best. I still believe there is nothing better than a man dressed in a well tailored suit Its like going for a job interview but far more important as you want… Read more »
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