what-to-do-if-woman-asks-go-shoppingFrom time to time I read in online forums about Ukrainian women who take their foreign boyfriends shopping as soon as they arrive to meet them for the first time. Most guys are taken aback when a woman they communicated with for weeks takes them to a department store and expects them to pay hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars for clothes and “presents” for her.

I have mentioned this type of situations before on my blog and responded to men’s questions about it, but it bears repetition.

So, what should you do if a Ukrainian woman you are dating asks you to go shopping? (Or in some cases simply brings you to a store and expects you to buy her heaps of merchandise.)

Here are a few things you need to know.

There is no custom in Ukraine or Russia for a man to go shopping with his girlfriend when they are dating

As in any culture, once a couple starts dating, a man may give small gifts to his girlfriend such as flowers or boxed chocolates. When they progress to a full-blown intimate relationship, he may give her small pieces of jewellery or other once-off little presents, travel together etc.

However, no Russian or Ukrainian man would ever take his girlfriend to a department store for a “shopping spree”. Girls and boys spend time together, talk, cuddle, go to movies, walk hand in hand — but they don’t go shopping for clothes, bags and shoes. (Read our real life love stories.)

If your lady says there is a “custom”  in Ukraine/Russia for a man to purchase lots of presents for his girlfriend, she is making it up, and her interest in you is purely materialistic. A lady who is serious about you will not want you to think she is being money-oriented.

This is what good, genuine women think about it:

For me it is awful when a woman asks a foreigner to go shopping to buy things for her! There is really no such custom in Russia or Ukraine! It is OK when guys pay for a woman in a restaurant, cinema or museum, but not for purchases! Russian or Ukrainian men do not do that except that they want to buy a present for their beloved. But that is a different situation. I think there are such women in every country and it is very important to identify them from the very beginning before the feelings are deep enough.

Ukrainian and Russian men would walk away if a woman took them shopping

shopping-with-womenIf a woman took a Russian or Ukrainian man to a store and asked him to buy her clothes and gifts, he would simply walk away. If she told him she wanted to go shopping, he would wait for her in his hotel or cafe, and read a newspaper or surf the Net while she was in the stores. He would not be walking around with her paying for her purchases.

Sometimes a couple may go shopping together when both of them need to purchase something, or when he needs to get certain things and wants her advice. Otherwise women go shopping for clothes with their girlfriends or alone.

What to do if a woman takes you to shops and asks to buy her things

First of all, realize it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “No” to anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Be ready to say, “No” in a nice way.

For example:

  • Sweetie, I am not really into shopping. You go and I will just have some coffee here. How long do you need?
  • You expect me to pay for this? Honey, when you are my wife, I will buy you the moon and the stars. But right now we are just getting to know each other.
  • If I wanted to buy love, I wouldn’t need to travel this far.
  • OK, you want me to pay for this, right? What else do you plan to buy? Let’s make a list. How much money would all these things cost? So, you say it’s a custom for a man to buy this much stuff for his girlfriend? Let’s ask some people here…
  • Nice stuff. Honey, we’ll buy you even better things when you are in my country and we are married. Just not today. You know as they say, good things come to those who wait.
  • Sweetheart, I don’t believe in buying love. I don’t want my wife to marry me because I bought her gifts. I want my wife to marry me because she likes me and wants to be with me.
  • Darling, if you are looking for a relationship and love, I am your man. If you are looking for gifts, I am not. I am not greedy. I am simply experienced and wise. You are sweet but if all you want from me is gifts, we are both wasting our time.
  • Baby, gifts are made from the heart. If I feel like this, I will buy you gifts. Right now it’s not how I feel.
  • My love, I want to spend time with you and not at the shops. We only have a limited time together now. We’ll have a lifetime to shop together later.

shopping-giftsSay it calmly and happily, as if you were rather delighted, in a compassionate, light-hearted way. Don’t sound offended and angry but rather amused and easygoing, as if you were talking to a mischievous child. She is trying to pull a trick on you, and you aren’t buying. Treat it as a test. You are playing chess or checkers, and she made her move. Now, you make yours.

If she gets upset and doesn’t want to see you again, saying she doesn’t like “greedy” men, she was never really interested in you.

Women don’t like and do not respect men they can trick into anything. They like and respect men who know what they want and are not easily manipulated. If she really likes you, she will admire your calm but firm attitude.

How to avoid women-shoppers

shopping-with-women-1Usually the situation with a woman wanting you to pay for her shopping spree arises when you meet in person. Prevent it from happening.

  • Make plans in advance what you are going to do when you meet, day by day.
  • Ask her if she wants you to bring her some things from your country. If she gives you a list of many things she wants, she is interested in things and not in you.
  • If she goes to a shop to try something on, ask her with a sweet smile, “You are not expecting me to pay for this, are you?”
  • Before visiting a woman in her home town, upgrade to Ultimate or Platinum membership, so you can contact other girls from the same city, if you have a problem with the lady you are visiting (you may not be able to pay online by card when you are in Russia/Ukraine). This way you can get direct phones/emails of women instantly on Elenas Models site. Search the site beforehand and add potential candidates to your Favorites. Some new ladies will join as well, and you will be able to contact them, too. Having a backup plan will make you more confident and relaxed. If you decide to contact other girls when visiting, simply tell them the lady you came to see only wanted to go shopping. This will weed out any potential “shoppers”.
  • If you have a great chemistry with your lady and you are confident she is genuinely attracted to you (see 3 signs that she really likes you), feel free to make a present from the heart. But only do it because you want to do it, and not because she asked for it or in an attempt to buy her affection.

A western guy living in Odessa, Ukraine, pointed out: “Do NOT be afraid to lose a girl… and NO shopping, do NOT let her pick the restaurants and so on… quickly FEEL if she is looking for ALL she can get from you.”

This sums it all: is she after what she can GET — or is she with you because she wants YOU? Asking for presents is definitely a red flag. How my husband said after we had been dating for a few weeks: “You don’t need anything from me… you just need ME.” (He did give me gifts. But I never asked for them.) This is how you want your lady feel about you.

 

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bill
Guest

women in any countr try the same tricks, see what they can get out of you, then toss you aside when they are done
some countrys just have a few more then others
i find age has a lot to do with it also
if they are in there, 30’s or older here, and still single, chances are really good there is a reason for it

Fox
Guest

Bill, I live in Kiev and I am planning to take my boyfriend shopping with me anytime. I think, my boyfriend must be a person, who share my interests and lifestyle. I am interested in fashion, that is why I would like to know my boyfriend’ s test, moreover I would like to discuss trends with him and be sure that he will support my interests. Fashion and beauty are the parts of my life, and I would not like to hide this from my boyfriend.

Michael
Guest

Elena, I have been reading your comments on various subjects and I like your sincerity. So, I wanted to say “I like you!” Meaning, I respect your answers. You don’t tell “stories” and appear most sincere. Good luck on this site. I am considering being a member because of people like you.

Michael Perry

Lee
Guest
Hi Guys I have had to visits with women from Ukraine, A girl in Lviv and in Zaporazhe. Yulia from Lviv, we both travelled to Krakow for 3 days. I flew and she took the bus, we had been communicating for months and were both looking forward to the trp. i arranged a hotel and paid for excursions we took which i had planned, meals drinks etc. We had a great time, and on our return kept in touch. We then arranged to take a holiday to Coorfu to spend a week with each other to see how we really… Read more »
Todd
Guest

I had been communicating with a Lana from Zaporozhe. Is there any way I can find out if she is the same person mentioned in Lees story?

Fox
Guest
Lee, Zaporozhe is the small town in Ukraine. It seems to be impossible to organize your trip like in New York or in Vienna. In the small town Zaporozhe the service is less organised and not on the same level like in the popular tourist places. If you are worrying about the prices, however, it is normal to discuss how much money you are planning to spend before your trip , and inform your partner about your expectations. Moreover, you can create a program of your visit and a schedule. Setting expectations is a way to be successful and satisfied… Read more »
Michael
Guest
I agree with Lana. I am very generous, but over the years women will take advantage if you let them. So, I made it clear what my intentions. I never dated a lady outside the U.S. but I will tell you this…openness if the most affective way to avoid the pitfalls of women asking you to buy stuff. Maybe they are checking to see if you are cheap or a giving person. But women will appreciate a guy if he is clear and open and they often test you to see if you are cheap and if you are, they… Read more »
Lee
Guest
Hello Elena, I’m sorry this may have been an incorrect thread, it was solely to state the experiences I had relating to shopping. I am also not sure if I had explained in specific detail enough for my point to come across. Also please note I am dyslexic, I just read back the latter part of my post which I realise sounds damning to Lana. Please ignore that latter part as it is not what I think nor intended. So I must apologise for my little rant there Please let me assure you that I did not try to buy… Read more »
Barry
Guest
I took a woman from this site on a Mediterranean cruise. I gladly paid for the entire trip including her airline ticket. On the ship there were several shops and at each city were ported we walked by many shops. The woman loved to shop and she was not afraid to ask for things. After buying her a couple of reasonable items I had to put a stop to her purchases. I told her that she was not my wife and that I can not buy her whatever she likes. I told her I do not like saying no to… Read more »
Why so serious?
Guest
Also be careful when they play with you manhood. They tell you”: ‘A real man should do this or that. A real man pays for everything’. In this part of the world men pay for everything. Sure if you love that person or is into a relationship it’s normal. First date maybe but not always. It take 2 to tango & 2 to make a life & a child. Women have their part to play in love, relationship & financially also. In eastern part when life isn’t easy ‘many’ will try to take advantage of you. So be on your… Read more »
Been there & done that. Wiser is better than being smart.
Guest
Been there & done that. Wiser is better than being smart.
Dudes, you worked hard all your life for this money & achievement (ticket, hotels, energy, patience & so on) to afford a trip to go there. Many of you will venture for the first time & into an unknown world & culture. So don’t waste it. Be clear to have some mutual understanding & expectations before your trip. If it’s too good to be true then there’s something fishy. What you see on Skype or FB/VK can be fake. Stories can be made up. Don’t be afraid to say no as you dudes have balls. A handful women on this… Read more »
john
Guest

Great article for the young. If you have been around the block a few times, you will soon learn not to mingle your heart with your wallet. Yes, it cost money to buy gifts, but you can’t buy the person’s heart.
Keep yourself out of trouble and remember this adage, “If it cost a dollar to make a friend, forget the friend. If it cost a friend to make a dollar, forget the dollar”.
Be yourself, and trust your instincts.

Fox
Guest
I think a single flower can be a good present. Guys, if you can not manage the situation with gifts, with trip, how are you plan to manage a family life? In every day life there are lot of problems, lot of tasks… And if you can not explain your point of view on gifts, on spending money, you can not explain your views, I think your communication skills are not developed. Guys, instead of thinking of saving money, take a look on yourself. At least I suggest you to read a book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”… Read more »
Glen
Guest

I had the same experience here in California with a woman I met through an online dating site. She asked me to buy her shoes on our first date. I was gullible and bought her the shoes. She wanted me to buy her an iPhone on the next date. Believe me, there was no 3rd date.

henry
Guest
Elena I have some questions. I was in Odessa Ukraine for 5 days , then I went to Zaporozhye where I met my girl. I spent 6 days with her. I asked her almost every day to meet her parents. However she told me we should first spend a few days together ourselves. The firs night that we had dinner togeather we took a few pictures together. However by the second night she told me that her mom said it was not a good idea to take pictures together as we both have high moral values. Also one of the… Read more »
henry
Guest

My girl is 3 or 4 months older then I am.

Adelaide1
Guest

No self-respecting woman would afford herself behaving like that. In my opinion, it’s much worse than even the prostitution. To prevent falling in love with these women, try not to be enchanted by their beauty. First of all, you need to find out whether your girl posesses the qualities that you appreciate or not. Notice details – all about her interests, behavior, point of view. I believe that it’s not difficult to distinguish a shallow person. Not at all.

Tatyana
Guest

I agree with Adelaide1 that a woman who wishes serious relationships and who plans to marry a foreigner will never behave this way. First of all, because it’s looks grimly and shows her real intentions – to get as much money as possible from a man and then find another. To check such a woman you may ask her for help and see how she will behave. Most likely she will disappear.

Marina
Guest

For me it is awful when a woman asks a foreigner to go shopping to buy things for her! There is really no such custom in Russia or Ukraine! It is O’K when guys pay for a woman in a restaurant, cinema or museum, but not for purchases! Russian or Ukrainian men do not do that except that they want to buy a present for their beloved. But that is a different situation. I think there are such women in every country and it is very important to identify them from the very beginning before the feelings are deep enough.

Michael
Guest

It’s always a kind of roulette that you’ll meet a person who wants your money, but not you. And you should know the traits of the person you’re looking for, and look for these traits in the woman you have actually met.

Nataly
Guest

Why women shopping is so painful for men? Not all Ukrainian women like to use rich men.For example, I can buy for myself something and no оne man isn`t necessary for me in this purpose , but also it isn’t necessary to be such greedy.Of course they should pay attention to the woman, but everything has to be moderately.

Alexander
Guest

I have already realized that the woman, who I met with, needs only my money, not me. Why must I be mild, polite and diplomatic with her? Of course, scandals aren’t necessary either. The most reasonable way out, I think, is simply to turn and go away, in silence.

k
Guest
Alexander, anyway, you should be ready to discus the shopping and other things with your future wife. If you are planning to marry a Ukrainian /Russian women you should know, that probably you will be responsible to pay her living costs for the first time in your country. That means that every day you will be asked to buy something. It is better to prepare yourself to discussion on the shopping theme BEFORE marriage, In family life man and women have to come to an agreement on the questions of money, credits, buying of car, vacations… If you realized that… Read more »
Tatiana
Guest

There is such category of women who are looking not for real love or friendship but only for money. And when they meet foreigner their only task is to take as much as possible. I think that real love is when you want to present something to your beloved instead of asking to buy you something.

Lesia
Guest

This situation is really twofold. Of course, if a girl on a first date pulls you shopping it looks weird. But if you are in a long-term relationship, you can and agree on such an adventure, but remember that everything should be in moderation.

Natali18
Guest

Shopping is sometimes like a best friend for a woman. I love it too. Sometimes my dad shocked how much I can just buy. But I never take guys or dad for shopping with me. I think this is not a male occupation. If he is my boyfriend, he must trust my taste and admire me, and no matter what I would have dressed. But if he wants make me a gift and choose me clothes of course I will be delighted and grateful to him.

Cubanito
Guest

Do Ukranian/Russian women get offended if you propose marriage with a Prenupcial agreement? What are the chances that she will accept or dump you?

Edmin
Guest

Honestly to say, those women who ask their boyfriends or husbands to buy some presents for them are not really patient and tolerant. If I were a foreigner with such girlfriend, I would have ended up a relationship with her from the first day. And from my point of view, most of men think so. To crown it all, I can only advice such women to learn some rules of etiquette!

Michael
Guest

I really liked reading this article. I think it makes a lot of sense. I will keep it all in my mind when I do come visit.

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