There are many Ukrainian women with children who have profiles on international dating sites, including Elena’s Models. Knowing general arrangements in western countries, some men may wonder what could be the issues if the mother finds someone abroad and decides to move countries?
Sharing Care of Children after Divorce in Ukraine
It’s unusual for children to live with both parents after a divorce. Traditional arrangements include males paying child support, and females looking after the kids. Children after a divorce live with the mother.
Ukrainian fathers are getting more involved with their children lives than previously, although the majority of separated parents still see their kids only occasionally, without set visitation hours or days. If the father finds a new partner, which is to be expected, his involvement with the children from the previous marriage declines even further.
To understand this paradigm you should realize how profound is alcohol abuse among male population in Ukraine. Fathers who regularly drink try to avoid seeing children while being under the influence, which makes it harder to spend any significant and substantial time with them.
The societal expectations in Ukraine are for the fathers to pay child support, and not to be involved in their lives by spending lots of time together. Paying child support — a good father, not paying child support — a bad father. How much you see your children or how good is your relationship with them is not considered to be of a major importance.
Issues for Ukrainian Women with Children Moving Abroad
Usually if an ex-wife moves overseas with a child, it means for the father he no longer has to pay child support (which after the recent economic meltdown would be minuscule anyway, as the current levels of income in Ukraine are around $200-300/month for government employees).
Not having to send away 25% of his income is a good news for a man with a new family struggling to make the ends meet.
The father may provide a permission for the child to leave the country permanently, or even willingly give up his parental rights — there is a special procedure for that in Ukraine.
The mother applies to the court, and if her application is not contested, the father’s parental rights are officially removed, and the mother becomes a sole guardian.
In rare cases the father may not agree to this procedure, or request a monetary compensation. In exceptional cases fathers may simply say “No” to their kids moving overseas. Embassies of western countries will not provide an entry visa for children unless the mother is the sole carer, or the father has agreed.
If You Are Dating a Lady Who Has Kids
It’s best to find out beforehand what is the father’s attitude about his children moving overseas. The vast majority of fathers don’t have a problem with that, although there is no 100% guarantee.
If the father is missing or not providing any financial support, the mother can initiate the process of removal of parental rights. Unless contested by the father, this would allow her to become the sole custodian.
Having a family member living in a western country may appear beneficial to the father, which is the angle many mothers employ to secure agreements.
Monetary compensation is a less common way, although some fathers may use their children’s migration to improve their own financial situation by requesting a 1-time payment before granting a permission for the child to leave the country.
Kids are more flexible than adults, and the younger is the child, the faster he or she adapts to new environments.
Even teenagers who are unhappy about their mothers moving overseas, after 6-8 months typically find new friends and learn the language sufficiently to start enjoying their new lives.
Younger children start speaking the language fluently, if attending a day care or a school, within 6-12 months. Initially kids may have problems if they don’t understand the language, which dissipate as they get into the new routines and pick the novel dialect.
Our clients report that within 12-18 months kids essentially adapt to living in the new country. It may take longer for mothers themselves to make the complete transition. In western countries children have more freedoms and fewer responsibilities than in Ukraine, which also adds to benefits of migration in the child’s eyes.