Men and women agree that trust in relationships is paramount. However, some men struggle with trusting their partners. Especially it’s common for men who had problems in their previous relationships. People who never had a relationship also experience this problem.
What is trust?
Dictionaries define trust as expectations of honesty and integrity, the ability to rely on someone or something. In short, when we trust someone, we believe that the person will not lie to us or try to deceive us.
In other words, we usually trust people who are trustworthy. If we put our belief and hope into someone who is not trustworthy, basically, we are looking into the situation, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me“. A Russian proverb states, “Trust but check“, summarizing the same message.
Trusting by default
People usually behave in one of 2 ways:
- Trust people until they prove they are not trustworthy
- Do not trust anyone until they prove they are worthy of trust
To have a good relationship, the first mode certainly works better. People who mistrust others by default are always looking for potential problems, and quite often they find them (or imagine) and destroy the relationship.
Mistrusting a person is the sure way to make them wary of you, because if you think they may be deceiving you, you are probably a deceitful person yourself. People who are honest are known to be much more trusting in relationships.
How mistrust is hurting your chances of success
For example, at Elenas Models we often receive messages to Help Desk from men complaining about women and accusing them in “scamming”. Most often than not a woman didn’t ask for money, didn’t do anything except, for example, giving them their direct phone number or email address early in the communication.
By the way, many men give their email address to women in the very first message as well! Because on ElenasModels.com we allow members to share their direct contact details, it’s no problem if a woman or man shares their direct contact information. However, some men feel that if a woman gave them her email address, there may be something wrong with her.
Can you trust women at Elenas Models?
As you know, we are personally interviewing basically every woman whose profile we approve for publication. Every single profile is checked by our admin against our databases and other available sources. We only approve profiles that we feel have passed our strict requirements.
There are also some background software-detected patterns that highlight certain unusual behaviours on the site, and alert our administrators to look into this person’s communication. If there is anything unusual, our administrators check it in more detail.
Trusting your partner
Usually people who are unable to trust their partners, are not trustworthy themselves. They may have a hidden agenda, or may not be giving 100% truthful information.
Jealousy is one of the forms of mistrust, where a person expects their partner to cheat on them. One recent research found that jealous men guarding their partners had lower quality of sperm: it contained fewer numbers of active sperm cells and they were not moving as fast.
Trusting by default doesn’t mean not doing your homework. You should certainly do your homework and compare the notes. But approaching a relationship with an expectation of a lie can only lead to disastrous consequences.
Until a person has proven they are not trustworthy, it’s easier and more useful for your health and wellbeing, and also for the future of your relationship to trust your partner. If there is an obvious lie or things don’t sound right, do not hesitate to ask and clear it out. If you are not happy with their explanation, tell them it doesn’t sound right.
If something like this happens again, you can brand this person untrustworthy. Then, if trust in relationships is important to you (and it should be), discontinue this communication. People deserve a second chance but not the third.
It’s the only way to ensure you can trust your partner.
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