trust-in-relationshipsMen and women agree that trust in relationships is paramount. However, some men struggle with trusting their partners. Especially it’s common for men who had problems in their previous relationships. People who never had a relationship also experience this problem.

What is trust?

Dictionaries define trust as expectations of honesty and integrity, the ability to rely on someone or something. In short, when we trust someone, we believe that the person will not lie to us or try to deceive us.

In other words, we usually trust people who are trustworthy. If we put our belief and hope into someone who is not trustworthy, basically, we are looking into the situation, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me“. A Russian proverb states, “Trust but check“, summarizing the same message.

Trusting by default

trust-in-relationships-1People usually behave in one of 2 ways:

  1. Trust people until they prove they are not trustworthy
  2. Do not trust anyone until they prove they are worthy of trust

To have a good relationship, the first mode certainly works better. People who mistrust others by default are always looking for potential problems, and quite often they find them (or imagine) and destroy the relationship.

Mistrusting a person is the sure way to make them wary of you, because if you think they may be deceiving you, you are probably a deceitful person yourself. People who are honest are known to be much more trusting in relationships.

How mistrust is hurting your chances of success

trust-in-relationships-2For example, at Elenas Models we often receive messages to Help Desk from men complaining about women and accusing them in “scamming”. Most often than not a woman didn’t ask for money, didn’t do anything except, for example, giving them their direct phone number or email address early in the communication.

By the way, many men give their email address to women in the very first message as well! Because on ElenasModels.com we allow members to share their direct contact details, it’s no problem if a woman or man shares their direct contact information. However, some men feel that if a woman gave them her email address, there may be something wrong with her.

Can you trust women at Elenas Models?

trust-in-relationships-4As you know, we are personally interviewing basically every woman whose profile we approve for publication. Every single profile is checked by our admin against our databases and other available sources. We only approve profiles that we feel have passed our strict requirements.

There are also some background software-detected patterns that highlight certain unusual behaviours on the site, and alert our administrators to look into this person’s communication. If there is anything unusual, our administrators check it in more detail.

Trusting your partner

Usually people who are unable to trust their partners, are not trustworthy themselves. They may have a hidden agenda, or may not be giving 100% truthful information.

Jealousy is one of the forms of mistrust, where a person expects their partner to cheat on them. One recent research found that jealous men guarding their partners had lower quality of sperm: it contained fewer numbers of active sperm cells and they were not moving as fast.

trust-in-relationships-3Trusting by default doesn’t mean not doing your homework. You should certainly do your homework and compare the notes. But approaching a relationship with an expectation of a lie can only lead to disastrous consequences.

Until a person has proven they are not trustworthy, it’s easier and more useful for your health and wellbeing, and also for the future of your relationship to trust your partner. If there is an obvious lie or things don’t sound right, do not hesitate to ask and clear it out. If you are not happy with their explanation, tell them it doesn’t sound right.

If something like this happens again, you can brand this person untrustworthy. Then, if trust in relationships is important to you (and it should be), discontinue this communication. People deserve a second chance but not the third.

It’s the only way to ensure you can trust your partner.

 

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ThomasCrown
Guest

This is a good paper.
I agree, the best way is to trust people. I do it like this, and I am very rarely disappointed.
Also maybe because I choose the right people.
And to chose the right people, trust oneself and use one’s instinct. Usually the first feeling is the good one. Listen to it.

Jo
Guest

I always start by trusting people, and being open with them. In return, I expect the same. Obviously some people have hidden agendas from the start, but it is necessary to keep an open mind from the beginning. But when you get that feeling that somebody is lying, you should follow up on it. You can’t have a relationship with a liar. Trust and honesty are fundamental to any relationship, platonic, romantic or otherwise. A liar is a liar. A leopard cannot and does not change its spots.

Sergei
Guest

For some people, trust is just as much a problem as infidelity is for others. However for people without personality flaws such as insane jealousy or habitual infidelity, trust is best built from knowing the other person intimately. This can happen only from time spent together and from a genuine love for that person. Genuine, unselfish and mutual love requires real trust: trust in the relationship, trust in the other person, and trust in one’s self to do the right thing for that other person at all times and under all circumstance.

Peter
Guest
Early in life, I was the kind of person that trusted everyone and was frequently taken advantage of. By friends, family, partners, everyone. So in time, I found it harder and harder to trust people. This is very common with people who have been hurt in the past. I also realized that approaching life that way was very stressful and unsatisfying. Even with the knowledge that there are a lot of selfish people out there, I’ve reverted back to my old ways of trusting everyone until they have proven untrustworthy. I do a better job looking for those signs, and… Read more »
John
Guest
For the longest time, I had a problem of trust with people, but through some years of working with people as a service writer, I learned that trust first like your article says, but verify. I learned to give people a certain amount of trust and allow them to build the rest for ultimately trust is an earned thing but if you trust no one, how can you learn to trust them? By giving them a certain amount of trust, and looking for the good things in people, accepting that there’s a certain amount of negative, even in yourself, you… Read more »
Juan Fco.
Guest

I’ve had two experiences of meeting women through Elenas Models. I am an honest person and both times it has been difficult to make them trust me. I trusted them from the beginning, knowing that the first meeting serves to narrow the second. Can you trust who does not trust you? I think so. Perhaps these women have had bad experiences in previous relationships and this encourages them to distrust. If you love the woman and the problem is only distrust time will change it.

Marina
Guest

There is a good saying: “Think of people in the same way you want them to think of you”. By me, if you tend not to trust people, you aren’t trustworthy yourself. When a couple split up, every time both sides are to be blamed. And getting stuck in the offences of the past is obviously distructive – what’s the point then?

Nikita
Guest

I’m the person of the second type, I do not trust anyone until the person shows me that he or she is worth it. Unfortunately, even after many years when everything is good, it can happen the situation where this person betrays you. But of course it doesn’t mean that all the people are liers! It only means that it’s not so easy to meet a really good person.

Natalia
Guest
I belong to the fist group : those who always trust in people (sometimes more than necessary ). Fortunately, I have never been betrayed by the ones I loved but I was in a relationship with a guy who was abnormally jealous. To tell the truth, it is really hard to be with someone like this cause you have to prove all the time again and again that you are sincere and trustworthy. So at some moment you get fed up with this and quit. I do believe that any healthy relationship can be built only on real trust in… Read more »
Irina
Guest

Don’t trust anybody and don’t hurry to open your soul and heart to everybody, otherwise somebody can break it. Nobody betrayed me, but I don’t trust people, I’m afraid they can hurt me.

SunnyMay
Guest

I strongly believe that partners should trust each other. If one of them lost the other’s trust, a person who is betrayed should stop their relationship, because if a man or a woman loves his or her partner, he or she will never do it. But if you know that your lover did not want to lose your trust and has made a mistake not specially, you can give him or her another chance to prove his or her love to you.

Alexander
Guest

“To trust or not to trust, that is the question” – Shakespeare could say. And here is my answer. The less you deal with people, the less you have problems. If you don’t want your friends to betray you – don’t make friends. If you don’t want your wife to deceive you – don’t marry. So the problem of trust drops out. Alas, nobody will follow my advice, if he is not a yogi-anchorite.

Brianna
Guest
It is usually said, that “trust is like a vase… once it’s broken, though you can fix in the vase will never be same again”. Life in a family pair rarely reminds of a pacific harbor, but if one of them took a false step? How to distinguish a random mistake or well-planned lie? And how to win back trust again? To overcome this difficult phase, the most vital is to regard this as a trial, that will give you a chance to reconsider this relationships, to understand what’s going wrong, and in the long run – to make them… Read more »
Nikita
Guest

Trust is the only way to make relationships happy, but most people are afraid of deception and pain, so they don’t trust anyone. If person stop trust, she will never feel any pain of deception, but also she will never feel happy and truly love.

Valary
Guest

I’m a very jealous girl. But I really try trust my boyfriend, because it is impossible to build good relationship without it. On the other hand, he always cheks my phone and messages, but it doesn’t bother me. Contrary, I like it. I understand, that he has feelings to me. He said, that his ex-girlfriend cheated to him, and he was dissapointed in women, but my love and trust changed this attitude 🙂

Marina
Guest

I agree that the trust is the principal character trait in our relationship. In different situations we must try to be sincere with the partner. If we want our partner to be trust with you, we have to try to justify hopes of your beloved. It will be better always to be sincere.

VATNIQUE
Guest

I support it. I think that trust must be earned. and lose it very easily. but you need to learn to trust people, because then it will be difficult in life.

Tina
Guest

I guess it is all connected: if you trust someone, he/she will trust you too. But if every day you think “My partner is cheating on me!” then that person (even if he is loyal and faithful) will eventually betray you. And that happens only because you yourself all the time think about it and wait for person to make a mistake. Good relations can’t be built on suspicions.

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