My Russian boyfriendBecause there are large numbers of Russian and Ukrainian women seeking partners abroad, some observers assume that Slavic ladies dislike local men.

It’s not entirely true. Eastern European women exploring options of dating internationally are fond of Slavic men, they simply cannot find the one who fits their portrait of a good partner and at the same time likes them back.

Even western women find Russian men charming and feel they have a lot to offer, which they would love to find in their partners locally. (We are never happy with what we are getting, are we?)

My Russian Boyfriend

Diana Bruk is a young American woman who was born in Russia and moved to the Big Apple at the age of 5 with her family. She grew up in the States but due to her heritage speaks fluent Russian.

Her confession about dating Russian men is a must read for anyone wondering about courtship customs and rituals in the countries of the post-USSR.

I love (and hate) dating Russian men“, states Diana, and then goes on to explain why. “The macho guys from my home country leave me torn between my feminist beliefs and my sexual desires.”

I love (and hate) dating Russian men

“I love (and hate) dating Russian men”, says a young female writer from America.

Her story begins with the description of a fight for “her honour” by a Russian boyfriend, because in the midst of a drunken party, another guy tried to touch her.

In Russia, it is expected from a male to physically defend his lady, or be considered a coward. After the fight, covered in blood (!), the boyfriend approached his shaking American dame demanding explanations as to what she did that a strange guy felt comfortable enough to grab her, and why did she talk to another chap without his outright permission.

Both drinking and violence are the core reasons why there are 106 boys to 100 girls at birth in Russia, and only 86 males to 100 females in the total population.

“If he hits you, that means he loves you,” quotes Diana her mother’s saying, the old-fashioned Slavic belief, which is the reason why domestic violence in Russia is still widely underreported — as well as most other forms of physical assault, making it a “norm” rather than a crime.

Calling her relationship with Russian men “convoluted”, the daring New-Yorker goes on describing the peculiarities of the local dating etiquette.

Dating Russian Men

The liberal arts graduate decided to explore her homeland by living there, and temporarily moved to Russia in 2010. To provide for herself, she was teaching English in St. Petersburg.

“The first thing that you’ll notice when you get to Russia is that the women are astoundingly beautiful and immaculately presented”, she says.

I would add, especially in capitals such as Moscow or Piter (the affectionate nickname of Saint Petersburg). Just like in western capitals, people tend to dress up more.

beauty

For Russian girls working out to achieve the perfect body is a way to attract and keep a boyfriend or husband.

“If you tell them [St. Petersburg’s ladies] you pluck your own eyebrows and only get a facial once a month, [they] will look at you as though you have just clawed your way out of a swamp,” confesses Bruk.

I can attest to that. Beauty is huge in Russia. I would say, Slavic girls believe that for a female beauty is everything. And the main reason why it is important is to attract and keep a boyfriend or a husband.

Women in Russia are hardly ever seen without high heels or makeup and are always proud of their sensuality and appearance,” writes Tammy Dray  in her article for Match.com.

(Today young girls are wearing flats more often and style “casual” incorporating torn jeans and Converse sneakers is becoming a new fashion fad, so you may not see Russian ladies in compulsory high heels for much longer.)

“These insurmountable standards of beauty can largely be credited to the fact that there are more women than men,” admits Bruk.

“Russian men are patriarchal alpha males,” insists she, declaring openly that at first it is a huge turn-on.

The social responsibility of males to provide for their females is not only materialistic in the former Soviet Union, states she, but more alike paternal duty, where a woman is looked after by someone responsible for her, because it’s his moral obligation and delight.

Bruk also expresses her surprise at “disintegration of male hygiene and work ethics”, citing the poor gender ratios as the reason. From the same book, rape is something that “happens”, and is accepted as a fact of life, not a social problem, she recounts.

Why? The roots are in the hunter-prey dating model, prescribing to males to push to the limit.

The Hunter-Prey Dating Model

“You do not meet a Russian man, you are chosen by one,” proclaims Bruk.

I have been trying to bring this idea home for years, but she expressed it so much better. Post-USSR women are brought up to be passive, display themselves, and let men approach, otherwise you are not “modest”, which is what all guys want in their girlfriends (according to the local beliefs).

In Diana’s words, if a Russian guy likes you, nothing can stop him. You would think it is stalking, they think it’s being persistent.

“Russian men act like your boyfriend from the very beginning,” she writes.

This is her exact wording:

quote-bruk

Girls, apparently, are used to relentless pursuits, and unless they feel you are putting “all in”, they are not convinced that you are really interested.

Hunter-prey model

Russians believe in the hunter-prey dating model, where a male pursues the female.

You can see how it works on our site, if you feel that none of you is convinced about the other’s attraction: You because she doesn’t display any encouragement validating your interest, and she because you are not completely overwhelming her with the might of your desire to concur.

According to the hunter-prey dating model that is accepted as a statute in Russia, the lady has to resist advances for as long as she can (usually not for long, due to the overpowering siege by the male).

“Russian men are quintessential gentlemen on first dates,” writes Bruk. ” They bring flowers and little gifts… They open the door for you and pull out your chair.” And they always pay for the dates. There is no splitting the check.

Even true-to-the-core feminists apparently can live with men paying for them, if this is a “custom”.

“If a man insists on paying I’ll let him,” states Shannon, another American woman, writing about Russia. However, she doesn’t want to be a toy for her man, and says while she had Slavic male friends, she never had a Russian boyfriend.

Love Making

Love making

Love making with Russian men is more passionate, an American girl believes.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman wants a man who’s a gentleman at dinner and an animal in bed. … This the Russian man understands,” writes the New York feminist born in the USSR.

Maybe brutal love making and total disregard to his partner’s feelings (and satisfaction) is attractive to someone who is used to gentle care, but I would stick to my opinion that the majority of Russian men are not as skilled in the bedroom department as their western counterparts, who took time to learn a thing or two about female pleasure.

The downside of the powerful male taking what he wants? Bruk admits that Russian men still follow the egotistical mentality that “sex is a favor that women do for men”, which means that if a girl enjoys sex, she is looked at as a nymphomaniac.

Russian men expect oral sex but will not return the favor, the New York author corroborates.

Commitment

Diana believes that Russian men have an “inherent sense of commitment”, which means, having sex and just be friends is not something an indigenous alpha-male would approve upon.

Russian men are quick to commit to a relationship.

One thing that makes it crystal clear is the language.

“Russian doesn’t have a word for girlfriend, only wife and bride, so men approximate by saying “my girl,” “my bride,” or the English transliteration of girlfriend,” writes she.

This explains the surprising to the westerners desire of Slavic women to find a “husband” and not just date. There is no word for “dating” in Russian either. There is a word for introductions, and after that it is a relationship.

The answer to Diana’s question posed to her local students as to how long a couple should date until deciding to move in together was, “If he likes her, 1 day”.

“It’s obviously a case of emotional intensity,” concludes the American writer — the point I have been endorsing since the early 2000’s. It’s not the time. It’s now intense your relationship is that convinces the woman that she is safe to entrust you her heart and her Destiny.

Cheating as a Rule

Cheating

Cheating is considered a normal thing by Russian men.

Yes, for Russian men cheating on their girlfriends is not just normal, it’s expected and a matter of honour. A man who never cheated on his second half is looked at with disdain, including his one-and-only (is he not man enough?).

Having a “wandering penis” (what an epithet) wasn’t something that a young feminist from New York could manage, although this isn’t the main reason she is no longer into dating comrades from her native land.

“Russian society is a lot more forgiving when it comes to men cheating, lying or making decisions without consulting their partners,” agrees Dray.

In Russia, females are taught to take it easy and realize it’s something that will happen in the course of a relationships.

Lying about cheating and covering it up is considered honourable. Telling your wife you cheated is dishonourable, because you would hurt her by doing that.

The same applies to friends and acquaintances: If you tell a spouse that the partner is cheating on him/her, you will become the enemy of the family, as you were obviously trying to destroy their marriage. The fault is on you and not on the cheater, who is simply following his natural needs as a male.

Why I Can’t Handle a Russian Boyfriend

For Diana it was the patriarchal alpha-male, the macho style that she found attractive in the first place that she couldn’t handle in the long run.

Love is not ownership

For me, love is not ownership.

When the Russian boyfriend took a cup of coffee out of her hands stating she had too much caffeine already, this drew the line for the New-York-born feminist who could look pass the violence, but wouldn’t accept a male getting between her and her coffee.

For Russian girls over the age of 25 it’s the alcohol abuse and sleeping around that drive them to seek options elsewhere, but most of all, their desire to have a family with someone who is stable and faithful, which they believe western men are.

For me, I am simply not feeling safe with Russian men, considering all of the above. Love is not ownership, or being owned. Having a Russian boyfriend may start wonderfully and then turn into a nightmare. Lying (and cheating is lying) destroys the very fabric of a trusting relationship, and without trust there is no peace and security. And this is what a home should be.

But it’s only me. There are American women who married Russian guys and are happy.

Video: A Russian Boyfriend Proposes To His Girlfriend

Here you can see a Russian boyfriend at his finest, proposing to his girlfriend of 1 year. The fresh-faced lovers look so young, they wouldn’t sell them liquor without the proof of age.

“I love you very much. I need only you. Everything I do is only for you. You will have a luxury day today!” says the prospective groom, sending an air kiss into the camera, before going on a spree of flowers, oversized cartoon characters, and driving around in a luxury limousine.

This is the intensity that the adventurous New Yorker was talking about. Russian men can do that, and this is what Slavic ladies often crave in romances with western males.

 

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Phil Coffman
Guest

I see Ukrainian men in clubs whose behavior towards women is reprehensible, and most women do not like them. If that’s the culture, it can bugger off. I once stopped a bully after he slapped a girl twice in the table next to mine, I hate these chauvinistic pigs to the point where I have actually become violent with them. What are their mothers teaching them?

Kuzya
Guest

“If he hits you, that means he loves you,” quotes Diana her mother’s saying, the old-fashioned Slavic belief, which is the reason why domestic violence in Russia is still widely underreported — as well as most other forms of physical assault, making it a “norm” rather than a crime.”

Excuse me, what country are you talking about?
#I’m Russian

Leo
Guest

“Russian doesn’t have a word for girlfriend”
So inaccurate! We have the word devushka that means a girl but if you say “my devushka” that literally means a girlfriend.
I see no difference between the russian term and the english one.. Please don’t go into psychology and linguistics

Alya
Guest

Shortly, due to horrible male/female ratio Slavic men feel themselves gods and Slavic women are only trying to persuade them they ARE to get one of these “fake god” as a husband. That is very sad and annoy me. If you think you are a god – behave!

Nikita
Guest
Nikita,20 years old. I’m from Saint Petersburg. Many of Russian habits described in this article are real. For example, “man pays for woman’s bill by himself” e.t.c. It came from the USSR,was common for our parents’ generation, but many young people already overcame it. Unfortunately, there still are some problems with relationships between Russian girlfriends and boyfriends. For example, in many cases, if you don’t pay for your girlfriend, she will think that you are greedy. And usually even if you liked each other very much, if it is your first date, she won’t get laid with you because of… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest
Hi Nikita, this was really interesting to read. I actually have a real interest in EE guys and what you wrote was nice to read. It confirmed what I had been thinking that the younger generation is so much better than a lot of these older guys who grew up in Soviet times. You seem more like the EE guys I have met. Honestly, after reading this article, I started worrying that the EE guys (they’re mostly Ukrainian but I’ve learned that Russian and Ukrainian guys are pretty similar) I’d met were actually secretly horrible since I never actually dated… Read more »
Good Samarithan
Guest

As being Russian man, I can see here a lot of chauvinistic things 🙂
Good to know what to expect from you.

George
Guest
Well this is soo wrong I don’t even know where should I start from. First thing first, this is hypocritical. Myself, I had born in Belarus. There are lots of girls acting like they got decent personality, self-esteem yadda yadda, shagging some “alpha male whatever” at the same time, and crying on your shoulder on how badly he is treating her. Basically, the average, normal guy with “european” mentality who is being attached to this country and its cultural space doesn’t have a solitary chance to find a good girl. Well, you can always pretend that testosteron is blowing up… Read more »
Elliot Wilson
Guest

Disgusting creatures. Totally explains the mindset behind their mass rapes in WWII.

Guest
Guest

I wish to know why Bruk has a problem with men interferring between her and her coffee but not with them picking up the tab despite she earning.

“Even true-to-the-core feminists apparently can live with men paying for them, if this is a “custom”.” Where does those so-called feminists’ equality go now? They have a problem with everything about a Russian man, but they are very happy when they don’t have to split the check. Well, Diana is one hypocritical woman who just wanted to bash Russian men on this forum.

Sarah
Guest

I met a Russian guy in town. Since then we were talking and flirting a lot on messaging apps. He suggested numerous times to hang out. Every time I wanted to make it concrete, he ignored the question or didn’t text me about it anymore.

I grew tired of it. So I said that he should treat me with more respect. Afterwards I apologized for being rude.

Since then he hasn’t answered in a few days.
Did I completely fucked up by standing up for myself? What should I do?

Olesya
Guest

I’m a Russian woman, have been on Elena’s Models for few months with no luck. So few days ago I decided to register on a russian dating site to see what’s going on there. I’ve got 155 messages in three days, only 2 men out of 155 were single, the rest of them were married guys looking for mistress.

Paul Rose
Guest
Wow, long conversation here. I read most but passed a few months in the middle because it was kinda repetitious. I have a few general things to say in response. First, alcoholism causes impotency. How Russian men both drink like fish and f**k like bunnies is an mystery. Maybe a Russian guy wants to donate a pint of blood to me? The fist pounding on girls thing; this is in all chauvinistic cultures but I think young Russian women have hope in that the internet and western guys grabbing up all their best will most definitely cause them to think.… Read more »
I.S.
Guest

Russian guys have an interesting dating style. Straightforward, “man had to be the man”, taking care others. Russian man seem like a good partner for marrying or getting into serious relationship. But it is quite difficult to break the ice.

Xenia
Guest
STOP! This b******t blog is a load of f*****g trash. Obviously you are just some Dyke who’s been chested on by one Russian Dickhead and think you have a right to talk about all Russian men like this? F**k you. I’m an American female who’s engaged to a Russian male and I can say that he has never hit me. He has never cheated on me. He has never even raised his voice to me. He is very generous in bed and has complete respect for me and all women. You are just some feminist who dislikes dominant men but… Read more »
Angel Ballejos
Guest

Elena, I could use some advice please?

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