Surprisingly enough, Russians and Ukrainians still believe in the hunter-prey dating model, according to which a man is supposed to pursue (stalk) a woman, who is ought to act as if she doesn’t want to be pursued (ignore him), even if she likes the guy. If you are trying to figure out how to date Russian girls, ask your father how women in 1970-1980’s liked to be treated. That’s how Russian women dream to be treated today.
The Hunter-Prey Scheme
I chat with Slavic girls all the time through my Russian blog.
Both Russian and Ukrainian girls, including young ones, believe that they should not make any moves in a relationship, otherwise the man may not like it and will not value the woman.
They feel that giving a guy any encouragement in his pursuit would deem her “too easy” and the man would lose respect.
The whole Russian women’s advice industry tells them that “playing hard to get” is the only way to ensure a relationship will last. This means don’t return his calls or return them occasionally, pretend to be busy when you are not, be late for dates, etc.
Yes, that’s right: “The rules” they are adhering to are similar to the ones popular in 1980’s in the USA, UK.
The behaviour of a man that Russian girls are looking for is the one of a stalker: No matter what you tell him, he is going to keep coming after you. He calls you all the time, wants to know what you do, eat, who are you with, and tells you what to wear.
Remember the scene from 2015 movie The Man from U.N.C.L.E., where the Russian KGB agent (Arnie Hammer) tells his Slavic fiancée (Alicia Vikander), “My woman wouldn’t be dressing like this,” and then picks her clothes for her? That’s the loving Russian way, which a well brought up Slavic girl would appreciate.
Particularly in regard to foreign men, the musing on Russian sites is as following:
“Foreign men already think about Slavic girls as second class citizens who would do anything to immigrate. If you give him encouragement (or contact him first), he will think he already owns you. He needs to prove his worth to you before you can afford to be nice to him.”
I wish I was kidding but I am not. That’s exactly what I read in Russian forums for women seeking partners abroad. This means she is likely to be even more passive with you than she would be with a local guy, because she is cautious about you (the foreigner) thinking of her as inferior.
If you pursue her, she feels more secure that your interest is genuine.
How to Date Russian Girls
The “good manners” dating guide for Russian girls tells them the guy has to come to dates with flowers, pay for his lady in restaurants and entertainment venues, and constantly make attempts to seduce her. Any rejections from the woman should be taken as “she is just playing hard to get”.
- In the western world, we have already dismissed this type of behaviour in dating. No means no, there is no doubt about it.
- In the Russian world, stalking is the admirable persistence that women dream to see in their admirers. They believe that the stronger a man pursues her, the more he is committed and interested.
It is not rare for married Slavic women to admit that they didn’t like their (Russian) husbands when they first met them. However, the guys kept pursuing them (and the girls allowed them to do it), and eventually the women fell under their spell (most likely, the Champagne spell).
If you do not wish to be pushy, simply keep giving her flowers and small gifts, take her to restaurants, and she will be happy. (Sooner or later she may wish to make a move herself, because she too wants intimacy — of course Russian girls also enjoy affection.)
But she definitely expects more gallantry than a western girl — offering your hand when exiting a transport or a car, opening doors, moving chairs, holding her coat for her, carrying heavy bags, etc.
(See my Coaching Manual for Men Dating Russian, Ukrainian Women for more tips on successfully passing the trials of courting rituals.)
Just to make it clear: I don’t suggest stalking. I suggest you to be more understanding as to why women seem to be rather disinterested, even though they keep talking to you, why they don’t initiate.
Their cool reception is not due to their little interest in you but because they follow the protocol they have been taught. That’s the only way they know how to start a relationship with a man. (If she didn’t like you, she simply wouldn’t answer at all.)
Vice versa, girls who are extremely forthcoming and openly encouraging are to be treated with suspicion. These women may pursue some other agenda, since they are not following the rules for Russian women who seek a lasting love.
Particularly, if you are paying for each message (paid chat) and you met your love interest online, you need to urgently read this post: How Russian (Ukrainian) paid chat sites really work.
Asking Women How They Like To Be Courted
In the books of Russian women, if she has to tell the guy how to court her, it doesn’t count.
The same goes for gifts: Most women are adamant that they would not tell a guy what they wanted as a gift, even if he asked.
Their motivation: “The gift has to be a surprise.”
Even if she doesn’t like it, it’s still a higher value for her to get a “surprise” gift than a present that she would really like, if she had to provide instructions to a man about her likes and dislikes.
“If he really likes me, he would know,” they believe.
This is why it’s pointless to ask women how they want to be courted. You are supposed to read their minds.
Just kidding: It’s not possible.
But you can find out about it in my VIP Coaching program, which will save you tons of time and money in dating Russian girls. Better get it now.