how-to-find-a-good-matchOnline dating allows you to expand your search and find a good match, connecting with people that you would never come across in your daily life. But how do you know when you have met the right person?

What is a good match

A good match means, first of all, compatibility. Initially, of course, you will be overpowered by physical attraction but beauty fades. What is left after the initial “crazy love” stage depends on how compatible you are.

Good match parameters:

  • Life goals — if you both want family and kids, you will be more compatible than if she wanted children and you sought travel and adventures. It’s quite complicated to travel with babies and toddlers.
  • Experience — if both of you have been married before, you may have more in common than if you have been twice-divorced, and she has never been married. It takes errors to learn that your relationship is more important than who is cooking dinner tonight.
  • Profession — if you both work in similar areas, it’s easier to understand each other. This is why actresses most often marry actors or directors (or even cameramen, like Julia Roberts), and not welders or policemen. When you have a similar professional background, it helps understanding in the marriage, and makes it a good match.
  • Work and family attitude — some women would prefer not to work after the birth of children and raise the family, and others are adamant they want to work even after they have kids. This can potentially make or break a relationship.
  • Age difference — research shows that a reasonable age difference in couples is under 15 years, the ideal age gap being under 5 years. Some couples manage to make it work with a larger gap but it does take a tall on their relationships, even it may appear it’s all easy sailing. Unless you are being hunted by paparazzi, assume that a large age difference may be detrimental to the longevity of your relationship, although it can make it more fun while it lasts.
  • Physical attraction — you probably have a “type” of women that you usually fall for. There is no point fighting it. Think of the best relationships of your life: what kind of women they were? This is a good indication of whether it’s a good match.
  • Mutual feelings — this is the most important point. If there is no mutual attraction, it’s not going to work, right? You want to meet someone who likes you and is excited about being with you as much as you like them and excited about being with them.

How do you know that you have found a good match

I’d love to give you a 10-point checklist for the good match but it doesn’t exist. If you are an intellectual, this may be hard but you have to actually trust your heart.

Some couples that met on Elenas Models tell us that they just “knew” the first time they talked to each other online that he or she was The One. Others say that they even saw their future partner in a dream shortly before meeting them on the dating site. While this may sound like a crazy talk, centuries ago people didn’t know about radio waves, and cell phone communication would seem like witchery. Who knows, maybe indeed soul mates can connect through some kind of special frequency that only they can access.

The fact is that people have a gut feeling about certain men and women they meet, and it’s a good idea to take it in consideration. If you have a good feeling about the person, it’s a much better indication of a good match than if your heart sinks and you feel sick thinking about them.

The final test, of course, is your personal meeting. If you liked each other and both think you may be right for each other, then your personal meeting will prove whether you have mutual chemistry and can make it in the long term.

All in all, online dating works in reverse to meeting in real life: online you first assess your compatibility, and only then experience the chemistry. In real life, you usually first get the chemistry, and only then think about compatibility.

To me, starting with your long-term compatibility, you can find a better match.


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Hi Elena, thank you for making this article, and so quickly after the last one too! I very much appreciate it. I struggle with determining if someone is a good match for me and it’s nice to have something to reference to when I start over-thinking compatibility (which I am badly prone to do).

Thank you for your insight on compatibility. It is helpful, because often as a man I find myself putting too much emphasis on looks, sometimes ignoring the other things that are most important to healthy relationships. I think that two people having mutual feelings for each other is definitely the most important thing when looking for love. However, I was wondering, do you think it is practical for someone to develop feelings even if they don’t currently feel that way? For example, if there is a woman that a man could envision himself being with because she seems perfect and… Read more »
Mr. Adam Schwartz
Excellent post, all these match parameters are sensible. I’ll add one more: gut feelings. Or maybe I should say “blink feelings.” I’ve learned to trust the feeling I have about a woman in the first moments I meet her. The unconscious picks up things that the conscious mind doesn’t. I first learned this in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink where he discusses how we can pick up things in a millisecond upon first seeing it. I once met a woman and had a gut feeling about her in the first moments I met her. We dated for the better part of… Read more »
john kemble

I’d like meet a down to earth real woman . Who is spontaneous and exciting .


Well written article. The good match parameters are spot on. For a long lasting relationship we really need to assess all of these things. “May we all find and believe in Love.”


Absolutely true that the distance is no obstacle for relationships, but it is really a hard work.
You need to use all modern apps like messengers and video-calls to help you to keep in touch daily. It is important that your match have the same values, to look in the same direction and you have common interests and themes for communication. And do not delay with the first meeting.