age-difference-in-couplesAge difference between partners has long been a question of interest. Remember your high school days when dating someone a year senior was extremely cool. Research on age difference in couples suggests that while the desired gap for men and women is around 13-14 years on average (10-15 years), as specified in their partner preferences on online dating sites, in reality long-term pairs only have 3-4 years disparity.

Age difference in dating

The research data may be surprising, but it makes sense. When dating, we are more open to trying out new things, thus a wider gap we list as acceptable. But relationships are more than just movies and dinners, and moonlight walks on the beach. One of my most memorable experiences was dating a guy 20 years older when I was 21. He was amazing and so much more sophisticated than boys in my university group. Did it last? Of course not! I never even felt it was for real. It was what it was, an experience. We had very little to talk about or discuss, and never been very close. His friends and mine were too far apart. There was really nothing connecting us except our interest in each other.

Age difference in relationships

Other research suggests that the ideal gap in relationships is 4.4 years, and divorced people tend to have a larger disparity in subsequent marriages. In a way, this is to be expected. Young people usually pair up within their age group, as at that point in life their circle of communication is limited to people of about the same maturity. Divorced people, obviously, are older. By then our circles of acquaintances grow to be more spread through generations, and personal values and life style become more important than how old the two partners are. Still, real-life couples rarely have a generation-long discrepancy between them.

When the age difference is too large?

Most often in married couples a man is older than a woman. Many pairs continue a relationship that started back in high school, thus their difference will be smaller. It became more acceptable for both men and women to experiment with dating younger people. However, these alliances very seldom produce a committed partnership, and even more rarely survive past 10 years.

In couples where the age gap approaches generational, the older partner is under a constant and significant stress. While it may be very exciting at first, the long-term prospects of such relationships are directly affected by how self-worthy the mature spouse feels. Being afraid that your younger half may leave is likely to aid in deterioration of your marriage.

Not many people are capable of feeling like the proverbial 70-year-old billionaire, who, being asked about his marriage to an 18-year-old beauty queen, and pointed out that when he is 80, she is going to be 28, responded with, “Well, I can always marry another 18-year-old”.

Let’s be honest. Age difference in couples affects their long-term prospects. Anything over 15 years is too large a gap. If you want to play, fine, but don’t lie to yourself. There are beautiful, intelligent, caring individuals who will make great partners, and with whom you can be happy over the long haul. Give yourself a chance.


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It doesn’t make any difference what the age difference is between the partners. Much more important are their souls and thoughts. There are very wise words: “Love conquers all ages.” Therefore, sincerity of feelings is more important than lovers’ years of birth.


Older men and younger women always works. It’s older women and younger men that has less probability of working.

Here with international relationships we have another big problem (not much discussed) the age of the woman migrating in a new country . It is important the age-difference between partners but it is important as well what the age of the lady is. Because she will start a different life not only a new relationship. Would she be able to accommodate in the new country? What she want to do when she will not have any family-relatives or previously friend close to her? Will she want to work the same type of job? Will she accept staying home alone for… Read more »
I am almost 56 years old Eminem rap is almost 30 we actually do have a lot in common except for the fact px2 old all he wants to do this it at the house I’m the one that wants to get out and do things and all he likes to do is sit at the house and watch TV he doesn’t even play video games but he has asked me to marry him I’m just thinking while it lasts and will it not last I know that he loves me I do love him so I’m only asking what… Read more »
Okay….. i love this article and all but lets really go in depth here…… Me-32 My husband-57 Our jobs- both make the same amount on ssi. Been together for 1 yr and 4 mo. Kown each other for 5 piror to dating….. He is not a rich old man with anything but a damn good heart, love, respect, and so so much more. I am not rich either. I cant work, drive a car, and i am 100% dependent on him with my seizures……. Love does not happen just cause two people are older/younger. Love comes from the heart that… Read more »

i cant stand women who even encourage old man to buy into the illusion, probably fake profiles created by men


I think that everyone has his own history. It can be ok for someone to have a difference of 10 years, but for others it is really hard to communicate and create a family with a person who is older more than 2 years. As for me, my boyfriend is much older than I am. But, it doesn’t matter because we like everything about each other. My parents have a difference of 5 years and they have been living together for 20 years. Age is not a barrier!


plzzz iam confused …iam19 my cousin age is 32 he proposed me.if we get married in future sexual life will be affected or not? i planed to marry at my age of 24 .


Age difference is a terribly difficult topic, I don’t think there’s a right answer….to my mind everything depends on an individual case and statistic can’t help. What I mean is that you can’t make a negative decision about the future of your relatonship if age difference is too large.


Being myself in a 16 years age gap relationship, I’m 43 and she’s 27, and having fun with her since we met 5 months ago, I’m wondering if cut this relationship and don’t feed a sad situation between us on the future. It’s a pity because we’re fully in love, but perhaps it’d be a wise decision . It’d be scaring to be left because of my age or poor sex power on the future.


This is more of a question for myself. Um I recently started dating a 44 year old woman I am 23 years old. Now I have no problem really with our age gap, more with her rush to be married. The question is, is it wrong that I met her cause I was dating her son 2 years ago? It wasn’t planned I didn’t even think she would talk to me in that way ever cause I was with her son at one point. She is going to tell him about her and I dating should I be worried?


There is a thrill in dating someone at a different age just as there is a thrill in dating someone from a different culture – no one wants to marry their sister, after all

Paul Rose

IMHO there are two kinds of goals in men’s minds women looking for a younger chick. One, jewelry on his arm. Two she looks better in the bedroom. These are good reasons I must say but I want to say something else. Now that women know what we want, if you keep your skin and hair out of the harsh environment, restrain yourself at the dinner table, and dress for sexsexxx, you may find, he never wanted a silly girl in the first place.

Hi Elena. First of all I would like to thank you for all the valuable advises you are providing through your coaching manual and the blogs. You are the best . Coming to the subject of age difference, I’ve been chatting with a lady with whom we have 15 years difference (I am 45 she is 30). We are chatting for 2 months now and although a ‘connection’ has not yet been established, I invited her to my country, after her suggestion to meet face to face before deciding whether we should move a step further (and see if we… Read more »

it is difficult to imagine couples with age gap of 20-30 years in which there is harmony and understanding, so I think you are right, 15 years is the limit and that hints to the fact that a bigger age gap might involve benefits. There can’t exist a good relationship without any pure emotions.

The first husband was 4 years older than me and behaved like a child for me, he spoiled me, I could not and did not want to “build a hearth.” And now I’m older than my husband for 1 year, a little, but still, completely different relationship. And, incidentally, a woman who has a husband younger than her own, takes care of herself much better than the other way around. And it’s interesting that in such pairs a person really rarely leaves. A wise woman can interest a man, and he will never think about her age. But when the… Read more »
No name

I am 25 years old woman and in a relationship with a 55 year old man and we love each other dearly. I didn’t really know what love was until I started dating him. But we are keeping it a secret and I want to tell everyone but the timing isn’t right.

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