It was an unexpected twist that a small post about how male and female members view profiles on our dating site turned into a 2-week discussion about Slavic women and their outlook on working to support their families.
This discussion has been ongoing since, and I decided to summarize it once again, and let you know what Slavic women think about the opinion expressed by several men on our site, namely, that women should equally contribute to support their families.
I translated 2 comprehensive men’s opinions and published them for women in Russian, and we received quite a few responses. I will translate some of them for you here, as they are rather enlightening (and detailed).
One thing you should remember when evaluating these opinions is that Slavic women in general view their future marriage as a Union of Love, which means they believe it would be the Hand of Destiny (don’t laugh), which denounces any convoluted constructions and plans about their future spousal relationships. It’s just given to you, and you accept your Fate (aka Destiny).
You find your Love first (or, actually your Love finds you, as women believe in being a passive side in this endeavor — a man needs to “find” her), and then take it from there — because for Love you will do anything and everything that’s needed, even move countries and continents.
Now, let’s see what women say in their own words about working and contributing (in response to statements by Morten from here).
7 Slavic women talk about work, career, and family budget
I cannot talk for all Russian women but I think that many prefer to provide for themselves. It allows her to feel not dependent on somebody else’s pocket, even if it’s her husband’s pocket. But at the same time I do not understand women who give their babies to nannies or a day care. I am disgusted by the thought that someone else will be looking after or raising my child when he needs me so much. To miss this period is simply a crime! Because only when they are so little, they can belong only to us, we are their little Universe! And to give this happiness to a stranger just to get some money, it is a horrible sin in my view! I do not say that a woman should be just expecting to be provided for, many prefer not to give up work or work part time. Simply put, for a mother, being a mother should be above material worries. This is why there is a Father, who can help the Mother to be a Mother, and not just another Father in a skirt.
He is coming to a site with Eastern European ladies, and wants a woman with the Norwegian way of thinking. It’s strange. Wasn’t it better to find a Norwegian woman with the Eastern European thinking? I hope you understand my irony. I think he is worried about nothing, the woman will adapt to her new conditions, as any normal person. With his help, of course. The attitude of a potential bride to working could be discussed in advance.
I think that for a woman who finds herself in unknown conditions, without her usual social circle, and only having her husband as a connection, a job is necessary as the means to adapt to the new culture, find new friends, or at least practice the language. What is interesting in sitting inside 4 walls and waiting for the husband for hours to come home from work? Especially that Morten understands that a woman may not be able to find a job immediately.
But he a little bit over dramatizes (or most likely, simply doesn’t understand) that bringing up the child is a mother’s job, and I think the majority of Russian/Ukrainian/Belarusian women will agree with me that to start working before the child is 1 year old is considered awful in our cultures. As you know, in Russia a maternal leave lasts 3 years. OK, I agree, it’s long, but I stayed at home with my baby for 13 months, and in my view it is the bare minimum. Besides, my mother is now looking after my child, and I cannot understand how these little 9 month old babies could be handled in a day care. I understand that it’s a matter who is used to what. But if the author is seeking a wife from a different culture, he should realize that a woman cannot adapt to absolutely everything.
In general, the problem of a short parental leave and the pressure to send women back to work is a known problem in the vast majority of western countries. It’s a long list to name them but this issue every woman should be aware of when looking for a partner, if she wants to have a child. Either his income should be sufficient, or the laws in the country should be favorable.
I think it’s incorrect to make conclusions about the mentality of Slavic women, based on your own circle of friends or their friends, or, even worse, on what is published online. Unconditionally, it’s great to live well, but EVERYBODY wants it, not only women. Women in general can’t stand to be generalized, they know that each of them is unique. Everything depends on the person’s upbringing, and her life goals.
I think he didn’t understand our women. Yes, working is necessary and developing, too, I don’t argue with that. But… First, the woman wants to be confident that she will be supported during her adaptation period in a foreign country. Second, as a mother, I will not agree to give away my baby to a day care at the age of 9 months. It’s TOOOO early! The child psychologically needs his mother. And one more, I forgot, the husband is happy to stay at home, and send his wife to work. It’s so manly!
Our Ukrainian women also prefer to work, build a career, and children are not preventing them to do that. I work at school, and practically in all families, even wealthy ones, both parents are working.
Dear Morten! Your doubts are understandable. In the last 1.5 decades the situation in Russia has changed regarding gender differences. It’s more and more often we see families where the father is looking after small kids. The law states that a parental leave can be given to any family member (mother, father, grandmother, grandfather). Many men decide to stay at home and look after their babies, because the wife’s income is higher. In this case, the woman provides for the family. A man can also work from home (IT engineer etc) and look after the child, this also happens often. Or, like in the family of my sister, both parents are students, so they had to go to lectures one by one: one was attending classed in the first part of the day, and the other one in the second part. It all depends on what the parents decide. A family’s budget could rely on a higher contribution by a man, or by a woman, or equal from both, or each of them may have their own budget. There are lots of variants. What is important, which one do you choose for yourself?!