What happens in marriages of Ukraine women with local guys? Why Ukrainian ladies are looking abroad in search of a dream partner, instead of trying harder to find someone at home? Discover top 7 complaints Ukrainian wives have about their spouses.
Top-7 complaints of Ukrainian wives
What are the things that test patience of ladies in a marriage? The popular newspaper KP.ua decided to consult a psychologist Irina Petrova.
1. Earning too little
Wives complain that they earn more than husbands. Even with low Ukrainian wages, frequently ladies are the ones bringing home the bacon, while the husband seems to be happy to just have a job. According to society’s views, the male should be the provider in the family, and if he earns less than the female, it’s a reason for her to feel deeply unhappy.
At the same time, a lady who managed to achieve heights on her own, struggles to find a partner—exactly for the same reason. She is only looking for a guy who earns at least as much as she does, or preferably more. Gender stereotypes are pressing women to only consider potential candidates for marriage that are on the same income level or higher.
2. Looking at other women
It is not unusual for local husbands to befriend females they meet through work or flirt with girls in a company. Complaints from a female partner, who can even be present at the same place, are denounced as her being silly. Often Ukrainian wives discover their husbands are frequenting local dating sites and chatting to girls. The typical response in this case, “What’s the problem? I am just talking, I didn’t meet anyone in real life.”
3. Comparing the wife to his mother
Because Ukrainians marry at early age, most often men had never lived on their own. Straight after being looked after by the mother, a guy moves in with the newlywed bride, who is now supposed to fulfil the same functions of cooking for him, cleaning home, shopping, washing and ironing. The guy, who is used to the way how mommy was doing things for him, starts voicing his displeasures, often based on the feedback from the mother, who believes it is her job to ensure her precious son is being properly looked after. Monsters-in-law are not a myth in Ukraine but a reality of many young wives, who have to constantly face criticism from husbands’ mothers.
4. Not looking after himself
Ukrainian ladies complain that local men look ugly: unkempt, badly dressed, with untidy hair. Women say that one good-looking single guy has 10 women after him. The psychologist explains that it’s “cultural”: It’s not customary for a man to have a nice haircut and be dressed in latest fashion.
5. Giving little attention to his woman
Ukrainian wives complain that there is no difference in having a husband and living by herself. Husbands come from work and straight away get engrossed into a computer and TV—both at the same time. There are no conversations at dinner time, unless she starts it. He doesn’t give flowers, forgets anniversaries and considers Women’s Day 8 March an outdated event.
6. Loving beers with buddies
Ukrainian wives complain about being left alone at home. Husbands are never at home on weekends, hanging out with male friends and drinking beers. (By the way, the psychologist advises ladies to find their own friends of the same gender and spend time with them, while her beloved is out with his mates.)
7. Not engaging with kids
Fathers provide no assistance in looking after children, leaving dealing with kids to mothers. It is the mother who takes kids to activities and the school, helps with their homework. The only thing a father does is to criticize kids for bad marks—along with the wife, because it’s her responsibility to make sure the child is doing well at school.
Is this for real?
Yes, for many Ukrainian wives this is their reality. Not every family has these problems, but the points described above are emblematic.
In Ukraine, gender roles are still very much enforced through the society’s values and media. The man is supposed to be the provider, that’s his main and basically only function. The female’s role is to take care of home and kids.
But with low wages, females have to work as well, and oftentimes they get short sticks on both aspects: She becomes the main provider for the family, while her spouse is not engaging in domestic chores (just like a “real man” shouldn’t). But at the same time he is also not be the primary bread-winner. She is the one doing all the domestic work and also advancing her career and earning more. This makes her feel upset, as that’s not the culturally “right” way a family should operate, and she starts voicing these grudges with the partner. That causes heated arguments.
For men who also believe in the “correct distribution of family responsibilities”, it’s an existential crisis, which they try to manage in the company of close friends of the same gender drinking alcohol or trying to score with other women. It’s a vicious circle for both spouses.